Yes I asked for your number. Yes I texted you first (sort of, my friend did but you didn't know that).
You have texted me a couple times since then. I think you think we're a package deal.
Still, I was confused about whether you were interested in me or my friend.
Tonight, you texted me to ask if my friend and I are coming to the bar tonight.
I have a cold, so there's on way I'm putting alcohol in my body anytime soon. So I text you back to say I have a cold and am not sure if my friend is coming or not.
You have the gall to text me back and feign like you care, "oh sorry you're ill but you will be better by next weekend right? Oh and also send your friend out tonight."
As if. As if I decide what she does/when she can go out. She does make up her own mind.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am no longer confused. I think if he was interested in me, he wouldn't have suggested that I "send my friend out".
Last week when we all were hanging out, I think I made it pretty clear that I was interested. His friend made it clear that he was interested in my friend. So what's the deal? I think my friend is also interested in him - even though she was the one who encouraged me to get his number in the first place. Why do that if you are interested in the guy for yourself? I would never do that. I can never understand other people's motives. They don't make any sense to me. I'm very blunt and not at all subtle or intentionally vague. At least people know where they stand with me. I, on the other hand, often wonder exactly where I stand with them.
I think I know. I'm no longer in denial or confused. I'm just an idiot.
Saturday, March 8
Saturday, March 1
reasons
I want more. I want to find a good man. Sometimes it's hard to explain it. But I know what I don't want. I want to feel more than I do. More than I have before. I'm reading this book, Odd Mom Out, it's a great read. I want to feel the way she feels about this guy Luke in the book. I've never felt that way before. I've had crushes but looking back, that's all they were, crushes.
Reading this book has brought all sorts of sad feelings out of hiding. I put away most of these feelings. I block them out, but they creep to the forefront of my mind from time to time. I want to cry but don't have a reason. At least not a reason that I can easily define. I have reasons for everything. Reasons for doing most of the things I do and say. I was talking to Z yesterday and said, that even though my reasons may not make sense to others, they make sense to me. Z said that the way I explain it, it actually does make sense even though it shouldn't :) I guess that's a good thing.
I got in bed early last night, just before 9pm. I had a cup of hot chocolate and my book and of course my nightly tunes on. I fell asleep at some point, with my glasses on, the light on. I woke up at 4:30am. Probably b/c my light was on and I needed the loo badly. I was tired but didn't feel like going back to sleep so I found my page in my book and continued reading. Then I started thinking and remembering and couldn't quite focus on my book. I wanted to get some of this out but now that I'm here and writing, the words escape me. I need a cup of tea and more sleep.
Reading this book has brought all sorts of sad feelings out of hiding. I put away most of these feelings. I block them out, but they creep to the forefront of my mind from time to time. I want to cry but don't have a reason. At least not a reason that I can easily define. I have reasons for everything. Reasons for doing most of the things I do and say. I was talking to Z yesterday and said, that even though my reasons may not make sense to others, they make sense to me. Z said that the way I explain it, it actually does make sense even though it shouldn't :) I guess that's a good thing.
I got in bed early last night, just before 9pm. I had a cup of hot chocolate and my book and of course my nightly tunes on. I fell asleep at some point, with my glasses on, the light on. I woke up at 4:30am. Probably b/c my light was on and I needed the loo badly. I was tired but didn't feel like going back to sleep so I found my page in my book and continued reading. Then I started thinking and remembering and couldn't quite focus on my book. I wanted to get some of this out but now that I'm here and writing, the words escape me. I need a cup of tea and more sleep.
Tuesday, February 26
odds and ends
I've been so tired lately. I know why. I haven't been on a good sleeping schedule. I'm sleeping though most nights as soon as my head hits the pillow. This is good. What isn't so good is that I'm not getting to bed early enough to capitalize on this.
I don't even have a good excuse for being up late - it's not like there's anything that great on tv. I guess I've just been restless lately.
I did finally end things with TW. We met for coffee the sat after valentine's day. He and I talked for some time. He wouldn't come right out and admit it but I think he also realized that we were not going anywhere couple-wise. We just weren't a good fit. I knew it from the 2nd date. but my friends kept saying that I shouldn't give up on a seemingly good guy too soon. Even though I couldn't express why I didn't think it was right between us didn't mean that I was wrong about it. I so need to trust my instincts. They rarely lead me wrong...unless they pertain to driving directions then I need to go opposite to my "feelings" :)
I don't regret meeting him. It was kinda fun having someone to go bowling with whenever I felt like it. That's about all I miss. We parted as friends sorta. I have no plans to call him up to "go hang out" anytime soon. I think a clean break is best.
In the meantime, Z and I have been going out most Thurs night to our local beer bar - it has beers from around the world and has a really cool crowd there Thurs night who are mostly young professionals/grad students. It is rare that we go without guys coming up to talk to us. It's really cool. We've met a few characters, sure, but they were mostly entertaining. I met a guy there who I want to call "Sarge" which is nothing like his real name but suits much better imho. He has a tattoo in his head. I'd noticed him and said tattoo before but didn't have a chance to speak to him. He jumped into one of our conversations last time and gave me the opportunity to ask about how much that tattoo must have hurt. We did a little flirting :) He asked if I came there regularly. I told him my friend and I came there from time to time. He told me that he'd look out for me soon (Z was tired so we were just about to leave when he and had our little chat). He also came right out and asked "Petra, do you have a man?". To which I replied. "Currently, no" Then he said, "I will remember that next time we meet". To which I replied, "You do that". Overall, it was a pretty fun night.
Sometimes I meet people and we chat for a while and then afterwards I sometimes think about the conversation and wonder if maybe I should have responded in a different way but that night I felt pretty good. The words just came to me.
So I mentioned Sarge to my Mum in passing...why, I don't know but I did. Her comment (keep in mind that I only talked to the guy once) was "well, I hope you know if you need blood, you can't get it from him since he has tattoos".
Yeah, that's my Mum sometimes. She leaves one speechless. Cause what can you say to that?
Time for bed - the road are going to be more of a mess tomorrow morning than they were on my drive home tonight so I need to leave for work a little earlier.
I don't even have a good excuse for being up late - it's not like there's anything that great on tv. I guess I've just been restless lately.
I did finally end things with TW. We met for coffee the sat after valentine's day. He and I talked for some time. He wouldn't come right out and admit it but I think he also realized that we were not going anywhere couple-wise. We just weren't a good fit. I knew it from the 2nd date. but my friends kept saying that I shouldn't give up on a seemingly good guy too soon. Even though I couldn't express why I didn't think it was right between us didn't mean that I was wrong about it. I so need to trust my instincts. They rarely lead me wrong...unless they pertain to driving directions then I need to go opposite to my "feelings" :)
I don't regret meeting him. It was kinda fun having someone to go bowling with whenever I felt like it. That's about all I miss. We parted as friends sorta. I have no plans to call him up to "go hang out" anytime soon. I think a clean break is best.
In the meantime, Z and I have been going out most Thurs night to our local beer bar - it has beers from around the world and has a really cool crowd there Thurs night who are mostly young professionals/grad students. It is rare that we go without guys coming up to talk to us. It's really cool. We've met a few characters, sure, but they were mostly entertaining. I met a guy there who I want to call "Sarge" which is nothing like his real name but suits much better imho. He has a tattoo in his head. I'd noticed him and said tattoo before but didn't have a chance to speak to him. He jumped into one of our conversations last time and gave me the opportunity to ask about how much that tattoo must have hurt. We did a little flirting :) He asked if I came there regularly. I told him my friend and I came there from time to time. He told me that he'd look out for me soon (Z was tired so we were just about to leave when he and had our little chat). He also came right out and asked "Petra, do you have a man?". To which I replied. "Currently, no" Then he said, "I will remember that next time we meet". To which I replied, "You do that". Overall, it was a pretty fun night.
Sometimes I meet people and we chat for a while and then afterwards I sometimes think about the conversation and wonder if maybe I should have responded in a different way but that night I felt pretty good. The words just came to me.
So I mentioned Sarge to my Mum in passing...why, I don't know but I did. Her comment (keep in mind that I only talked to the guy once) was "well, I hope you know if you need blood, you can't get it from him since he has tattoos".
Yeah, that's my Mum sometimes. She leaves one speechless. Cause what can you say to that?
Time for bed - the road are going to be more of a mess tomorrow morning than they were on my drive home tonight so I need to leave for work a little earlier.
Wednesday, February 13
maybe I won't be sick forever
Ever since I took my last antibiotic on Sat morning, it felt like I was sick again. The coughing fits...back. The ear popping...back again. Plus I needed my inhaler twice a day since Sun. None of these were good signs. My nasal drip was back as well, b/c I haven't been able to take rhinocort regularly (nose bleeds/stuffy nose) so my stomach has been upset a lot lately in addition to the discomfort of always feeling like I need to clear my throat.
So I went to the doctor again yesterday - whenever I call for an appt, I always have to explain myself twice. First to the receptionist then to the nurse after she calls me back. Once I explain my situation to her, she then gives me an appt. I think it's a little ridiculous that the nurse has to declare me sick enough to be seen. But whatever.
I saw a doc I haven't seen before. He looked at my chart and immediately told me - you know you are a poster child for pollen allergies. He went on to say that I'm one of those people who's allergic to so many pollens that it has to be heavily controlled with asthma drugs even though the rot cause of my problems is allergens not asthma. He also told me that once I got the dosages of my allergy shot up to monthly dosing (I'm currently on biweekly dosing schedule), I'd really notice a difference and be able to cut down on the asthma drugs. He also said that I probably have oral allergy syndrome(OAS). I'd never heard of that before. He explained that b/c of my pollen allergies, I probably also got cross-reactions to fruit. I have noticed that many fruits when eaten raw make my lips/tongue itch but I can usually drink the juice. I told him this and he said that was typical.
He looked in my ears and throat and listened to my lungs (standard procedure) then he told me we had a few options.
Option a)he could prescribe prednisone for a few days - I told him I'd prefer not b/c I tend to have serious side effects to oral steroids, at least with the inhaled ones I currently take, the side effects are minimized.
Option b)we could increase my dosages of the current corticosteroids I'm on - again I told him I'd rather not, as I'm already on the middle dose and going on the higher dose would really increase the side effects I'd experience.
Option c)he could prescribe Z-pak for 5 days which would kill any atypical bugs that Augmentin might have missed-he also said that augmentin would have been his first choice as well. The Augmentin I took was prescibed by another doc I normally see in the practice. He thought I still had some lingering infection. He also gave me a Rx and sample for Astelin for the nasal drip. Unlike Rhinocort, it isn't a steroid so shouldn't cause nose bleeds. Only thing is that the spray is nasty if it gets in the back of your throat so I just have to stay upright for 15min after I take it. He said I should be able to feel like myself by the end of the Z-pak course.
Fingers crossed.
So I went to the doctor again yesterday - whenever I call for an appt, I always have to explain myself twice. First to the receptionist then to the nurse after she calls me back. Once I explain my situation to her, she then gives me an appt. I think it's a little ridiculous that the nurse has to declare me sick enough to be seen. But whatever.
I saw a doc I haven't seen before. He looked at my chart and immediately told me - you know you are a poster child for pollen allergies. He went on to say that I'm one of those people who's allergic to so many pollens that it has to be heavily controlled with asthma drugs even though the rot cause of my problems is allergens not asthma. He also told me that once I got the dosages of my allergy shot up to monthly dosing (I'm currently on biweekly dosing schedule), I'd really notice a difference and be able to cut down on the asthma drugs. He also said that I probably have oral allergy syndrome(OAS). I'd never heard of that before. He explained that b/c of my pollen allergies, I probably also got cross-reactions to fruit. I have noticed that many fruits when eaten raw make my lips/tongue itch but I can usually drink the juice. I told him this and he said that was typical.
He looked in my ears and throat and listened to my lungs (standard procedure) then he told me we had a few options.
Option a)he could prescribe prednisone for a few days - I told him I'd prefer not b/c I tend to have serious side effects to oral steroids, at least with the inhaled ones I currently take, the side effects are minimized.
Option b)we could increase my dosages of the current corticosteroids I'm on - again I told him I'd rather not, as I'm already on the middle dose and going on the higher dose would really increase the side effects I'd experience.
Option c)he could prescribe Z-pak for 5 days which would kill any atypical bugs that Augmentin might have missed-he also said that augmentin would have been his first choice as well. The Augmentin I took was prescibed by another doc I normally see in the practice. He thought I still had some lingering infection. He also gave me a Rx and sample for Astelin for the nasal drip. Unlike Rhinocort, it isn't a steroid so shouldn't cause nose bleeds. Only thing is that the spray is nasty if it gets in the back of your throat so I just have to stay upright for 15min after I take it. He said I should be able to feel like myself by the end of the Z-pak course.
Fingers crossed.
the crux of the matter
I kept thinking that over time I'd start feeling more. I figured he's a nice guy. Normal, mostly. It's not perfect. It isn't abusive. I'm just bored and can't see myself with him long term. It's been 3 months. I think I would know by now. He just doesn't excite me. I used to get more excited about reading his emails than about meeting him in person. This is not a good sign. He sometimes lets 6 or 7 days go by without emailing me even though email is our primary source of communication. He doesn't have a cell phone. He works behind a computer all day and expected me to believe that he only just saw my email after 4 days. I didn't buy that for a minute.
T says that excitement doesn't last but if it isn't even there at the beginning, what's the point? Why even bother?
I wrote an email to him last night but I couldn't send it. I think he deserves more than an email. I need to tell him face-to-face even though I'd rather avoid it. He emailed about going out for drinks on Valentine's day. I emailed back that I'm not a believer in celebrating such a fake day. He admitted that he was glad I didn't like it. I'm so not looking forward to the conversation.
I've thought about asking to just-be-friends but really the only thing I want to do with him is go bowling. I will miss going bowling with him. When we go bowling, I do have fun. Every time. In the car, it's gets a little weird for me. I try to keep the conversation going. I was trying to explain how I felt to my sis and I told her how sometimes I can't think of anything to say. This is weird for me - I can strike up conversations and do have random conversations with people all the time. She said, "if you can't think of something to say, you have to end it - because normally you talk all the time". Yeah, there was a backwards compliment in there somewhere(I think :)
I don't regret meeting him. It has been fun. As long as we had a specific activity to do. Otherwise it just feels like hard work. The crux of the matter is that I don't feel a strong connection to him, the kind of connection I want to have with a partner. I don't think that's his fault, I think it just isn't there. Now all I have to do is explain this.
Then of course there's the cloak-and-dagger thing with his friends. Maybe he doesn't have any friends. If that's true, it's really weird but it would explain why he's never asked me to meet any. Either that or he has a real gf who knows his friends so he can't introduce me.
I don't know if I'll feel differently someday. I've never been in love with a guy who was in love with me. So I don't know if I would then want all the hype involved in Vday. I sincerely doubt it though. I've always been anti-Vday. For one thing, I'm really allergic to pollen, so I don't deal well with fresh flowers. I love chocolate but would prefer a random gift of such, just because that person thought of me. Not so they could prove to the world how great of a bf they are. Unless, that is something they'd do normally anyway. That's just how I feel. I'm ok with other people liking it and wanting to do stuff as long as I don't have to be involved.
T says that excitement doesn't last but if it isn't even there at the beginning, what's the point? Why even bother?
I wrote an email to him last night but I couldn't send it. I think he deserves more than an email. I need to tell him face-to-face even though I'd rather avoid it. He emailed about going out for drinks on Valentine's day. I emailed back that I'm not a believer in celebrating such a fake day. He admitted that he was glad I didn't like it. I'm so not looking forward to the conversation.
I've thought about asking to just-be-friends but really the only thing I want to do with him is go bowling. I will miss going bowling with him. When we go bowling, I do have fun. Every time. In the car, it's gets a little weird for me. I try to keep the conversation going. I was trying to explain how I felt to my sis and I told her how sometimes I can't think of anything to say. This is weird for me - I can strike up conversations and do have random conversations with people all the time. She said, "if you can't think of something to say, you have to end it - because normally you talk all the time". Yeah, there was a backwards compliment in there somewhere(I think :)
I don't regret meeting him. It has been fun. As long as we had a specific activity to do. Otherwise it just feels like hard work. The crux of the matter is that I don't feel a strong connection to him, the kind of connection I want to have with a partner. I don't think that's his fault, I think it just isn't there. Now all I have to do is explain this.
Then of course there's the cloak-and-dagger thing with his friends. Maybe he doesn't have any friends. If that's true, it's really weird but it would explain why he's never asked me to meet any. Either that or he has a real gf who knows his friends so he can't introduce me.
I don't know if I'll feel differently someday. I've never been in love with a guy who was in love with me. So I don't know if I would then want all the hype involved in Vday. I sincerely doubt it though. I've always been anti-Vday. For one thing, I'm really allergic to pollen, so I don't deal well with fresh flowers. I love chocolate but would prefer a random gift of such, just because that person thought of me. Not so they could prove to the world how great of a bf they are. Unless, that is something they'd do normally anyway. That's just how I feel. I'm ok with other people liking it and wanting to do stuff as long as I don't have to be involved.
Sunday, February 10
later on Sat
Later on I went to dinner and movie with the girls. We saw Fool's Gold which was not half as bad as I was expecting. As expected, Matthew McConaughey, was shirtless for most of the movie which added to my enjoyment :)
After the movie we went to our usual hangout when we want beer and it was really fun. There were 3 of us and we found a good spot to have our beers and chat. I got there first and as usual I struck up a random conversation with a guy while I was waiting. Whenever I get there first, someone starts talking to me, it's the coolest bar ;)
Anyhoo, this time it was the door-guy-who checks IDs/etc. As the night wore on, he kept stopping by our area and making the wittiest comments. Damn, he was so quick and funny. I was very amused. They kicked us out at midnight b/c they always close at midnight and we moved to another bar a couple doors down. So door guy who let me call him J, said if we were still there by 2am, he see us there. As part of his job, he helps clean up the bar after closing. So after we were at the other bar for a short while, my friend Z dares me and offers $5 for me to go get his number. I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of it but I really can't resist a serious dare. So I went over there, had to knock on the door b/c they'd locked up and then explain to the owner who answered it...yeah, I kinda forgot something, I need to ask J about it. As I expected, he smirked then called J to the door. I told him that I kinda needed to get his number. He gave it to me and I left(there was a funny exchange but I won't get into it). He mentioned that I should text him b/c he usu has the ringer off.
So I go back to the other bar, mission accomplished and feeling somewhat triumphant and a little embarrassed.
My friends got excited when I showed them his number. So excited that Z took my phone and then proceeded to text him. It was all so funny. It was such a fun night and I laughed and laughed for most of it. I only had 1 beer at the first bar and stuck to water after that so I wasn't drunk at all in spite of all my laughter and Z's insinuations :)
Then this weird guy comes over to our table and sits himself down - partly my fault - b/c he came over at first when my friends were elsewhere and asked something or other and I answered. I shouldn't have encouraged him. Because then this other weird girl came over, sat herself down next to me (in Z's seat no less) and made a nuisance of herself. The following bizarre conversation ensued.
Weird Girl: My friend (weird guy) is a great guy
Me: Ummm, that's good to know
W. Guy: do you girls have jobs?(what kind of question is that?)
Me: Yes, we're chemists
W. Guy(eyes wide and interested): Really, do you make "meth"?
My friend M: Ummm, no.
Me: No. We're legit, we make stuff for a reputable pharmaceutical company
W. Girl: what do you do?
Me: We're chemists?
W.Girl: do you test animals?
Me: no we don't do any actual testing, we just make stuff that someday might become something like tylenol, what we make is shipped and tested elsewhere
W. Girl: natural things are better for the body, what you are doing is wrong (WTF?)
Me: What?
W. Girl: what do you do? (OH no back to this again)
Me: I told you already
W. Girl: what you make hurts people and you should stop(who is this weird girl?)
Me: Listen, you are entitled to your opinion but what do mean by saying what we do is wrong, this is what we do and if that offends you, you don't have to sit here
W. Girl: where are you from?
Me: what does that have to do with anything?
W. Girl: oh I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to place your accent(Huh?)
Me: I'm from Trinidad
W.Girl: where is that?
Me: the Caribbean
W. Girl: where is that? you are not from NY, you sound like you're from around here
Me: nope, Trinidad, the Caribbean
At this point I wanted to find a way to extricate myself from this weird duo who seemed like they might have been high. W. Girl had a pierced lower lip which I personally find disturbing up close. Then she said something about how she is hard of hearing and people mistakenly think she's offending them but she just trying to place where people are from or something like that. I kinda stopped listening at this point. Also, J from our first bar, texted me back (well, he ans the message Z had sent to him via my phone as me :) So then my friends and I passed the phone around so they could see the message too. Not to be left out, W. Girl opens her phone and shows a picture of her cat (which was a cute sleeping cat) and proceeds to give me it's life story. Finally the guy writes his number on a napkin, slides it over to us and leaves. The girl got up to use the ladies. I hustled my friends the hell out of there. I did not fancy talking to that weird girl ever again.
I finally got home at 2:30am and 15min later J finally texts me again to say he'd been in the bar we just left for 10min. I replied that we had to leave. NO response from him but it was 3am by then. I drifted to sleep soon after my head hit my pillow.
I'm too old to be staying out that late. I of course woke up at 8am today. Which in a way is fine b/c I have to feed Timmy and take my morning meds (asthma/antibiotics) but I feel kinda like death. At least, no hangover since I only had 1 drink over the 6hrs we were out, that'd be worse. I am really tired though and my cough is still here. My ears were popping yesterday. I am a little concerned b/c I thought the antibiotics I've been on for 10days(took the last one this morning) would have taken care of all of that.
After the movie we went to our usual hangout when we want beer and it was really fun. There were 3 of us and we found a good spot to have our beers and chat. I got there first and as usual I struck up a random conversation with a guy while I was waiting. Whenever I get there first, someone starts talking to me, it's the coolest bar ;)
Anyhoo, this time it was the door-guy-who checks IDs/etc. As the night wore on, he kept stopping by our area and making the wittiest comments. Damn, he was so quick and funny. I was very amused. They kicked us out at midnight b/c they always close at midnight and we moved to another bar a couple doors down. So door guy who let me call him J, said if we were still there by 2am, he see us there. As part of his job, he helps clean up the bar after closing. So after we were at the other bar for a short while, my friend Z dares me and offers $5 for me to go get his number. I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of it but I really can't resist a serious dare. So I went over there, had to knock on the door b/c they'd locked up and then explain to the owner who answered it...yeah, I kinda forgot something, I need to ask J about it. As I expected, he smirked then called J to the door. I told him that I kinda needed to get his number. He gave it to me and I left(there was a funny exchange but I won't get into it). He mentioned that I should text him b/c he usu has the ringer off.
So I go back to the other bar, mission accomplished and feeling somewhat triumphant and a little embarrassed.
My friends got excited when I showed them his number. So excited that Z took my phone and then proceeded to text him. It was all so funny. It was such a fun night and I laughed and laughed for most of it. I only had 1 beer at the first bar and stuck to water after that so I wasn't drunk at all in spite of all my laughter and Z's insinuations :)
Then this weird guy comes over to our table and sits himself down - partly my fault - b/c he came over at first when my friends were elsewhere and asked something or other and I answered. I shouldn't have encouraged him. Because then this other weird girl came over, sat herself down next to me (in Z's seat no less) and made a nuisance of herself. The following bizarre conversation ensued.
Weird Girl: My friend (weird guy) is a great guy
Me: Ummm, that's good to know
W. Guy: do you girls have jobs?(what kind of question is that?)
Me: Yes, we're chemists
W. Guy(eyes wide and interested): Really, do you make "meth"?
My friend M: Ummm, no.
Me: No. We're legit, we make stuff for a reputable pharmaceutical company
W. Girl: what do you do?
Me: We're chemists?
W.Girl: do you test animals?
Me: no we don't do any actual testing, we just make stuff that someday might become something like tylenol, what we make is shipped and tested elsewhere
W. Girl: natural things are better for the body, what you are doing is wrong (WTF?)
Me: What?
W. Girl: what do you do? (OH no back to this again)
Me: I told you already
W. Girl: what you make hurts people and you should stop(who is this weird girl?)
Me: Listen, you are entitled to your opinion but what do mean by saying what we do is wrong, this is what we do and if that offends you, you don't have to sit here
W. Girl: where are you from?
Me: what does that have to do with anything?
W. Girl: oh I didn't mean anything by it, I was just trying to place your accent(Huh?)
Me: I'm from Trinidad
W.Girl: where is that?
Me: the Caribbean
W. Girl: where is that? you are not from NY, you sound like you're from around here
Me: nope, Trinidad, the Caribbean
At this point I wanted to find a way to extricate myself from this weird duo who seemed like they might have been high. W. Girl had a pierced lower lip which I personally find disturbing up close. Then she said something about how she is hard of hearing and people mistakenly think she's offending them but she just trying to place where people are from or something like that. I kinda stopped listening at this point. Also, J from our first bar, texted me back (well, he ans the message Z had sent to him via my phone as me :) So then my friends and I passed the phone around so they could see the message too. Not to be left out, W. Girl opens her phone and shows a picture of her cat (which was a cute sleeping cat) and proceeds to give me it's life story. Finally the guy writes his number on a napkin, slides it over to us and leaves. The girl got up to use the ladies. I hustled my friends the hell out of there. I did not fancy talking to that weird girl ever again.
I finally got home at 2:30am and 15min later J finally texts me again to say he'd been in the bar we just left for 10min. I replied that we had to leave. NO response from him but it was 3am by then. I drifted to sleep soon after my head hit my pillow.
I'm too old to be staying out that late. I of course woke up at 8am today. Which in a way is fine b/c I have to feed Timmy and take my morning meds (asthma/antibiotics) but I feel kinda like death. At least, no hangover since I only had 1 drink over the 6hrs we were out, that'd be worse. I am really tired though and my cough is still here. My ears were popping yesterday. I am a little concerned b/c I thought the antibiotics I've been on for 10days(took the last one this morning) would have taken care of all of that.
early sat
I was out for most of the day on Sat. At 9am, went to breakfast with T, delicious as always. I had french toast, scrambled eggs and sausage. I managed not to get the home fries and as a result did not feel totally ill :)
I emailed TW Fri night to ask if he wanted to go bowling during the afternoon - the whole week went by without him emailing me even though I emailed him back on Mon. So he called me Sat around 11:30 to say he wanted to go. So we went and it was mostly fun. Once we have stuff to do, it's usually fun. I asked him how his week was and he was his usual evasive self. He said something about how his grandmother, who's in a care facility, was having some trouble but didn't elaborate further. He said it's been a tough week. Again no details.
Another thing I realized yesterday is that not only have I not met any of his friends(after 3months) but when he does mention them he never refers to them by name. Is he some CIA guy who can't name names? Just another weird thing. I'm ready to end it now. I feel kinda like a jerk to want to end it before V-day. I'm torn between waiting until after V-day or just ending it before. I'm so not looking forward to the conversation either way. I almost wish I could be like a guy - like all the guys who've ceased being interested in me - just not call/email. No explanation, no reasons, no messy talk. Just no contact until I get the hint.
I emailed TW Fri night to ask if he wanted to go bowling during the afternoon - the whole week went by without him emailing me even though I emailed him back on Mon. So he called me Sat around 11:30 to say he wanted to go. So we went and it was mostly fun. Once we have stuff to do, it's usually fun. I asked him how his week was and he was his usual evasive self. He said something about how his grandmother, who's in a care facility, was having some trouble but didn't elaborate further. He said it's been a tough week. Again no details.
Another thing I realized yesterday is that not only have I not met any of his friends(after 3months) but when he does mention them he never refers to them by name. Is he some CIA guy who can't name names? Just another weird thing. I'm ready to end it now. I feel kinda like a jerk to want to end it before V-day. I'm torn between waiting until after V-day or just ending it before. I'm so not looking forward to the conversation either way. I almost wish I could be like a guy - like all the guys who've ceased being interested in me - just not call/email. No explanation, no reasons, no messy talk. Just no contact until I get the hint.
Wednesday, February 6
back to square one?
I went to my company party with TW. It was fun. The food was not nearly as good as it normally is, but at least the desserts were still on par. Most people dress up. TW remarked that everyone was all fancy. I told him that this is the one chance for most of us to dress up since we tend to wear jeans/khakis most days.
Afterwards about 10 of us went bowling. That was great fun. It was good to see TW interact with my friends. My friend C also told me that our height difference didn't seem weird - which I was kinda glad to hear. The thing is that I still haven't met any of his friends. Not even one. You'd think that someone who was born and grew up in this town, went to both undergrad and grad school in this town would have several friends here. One would also think that he want his friends to meet me. I moved here just over 5 yrs ago. I didn't go to high school here and I went to uni 4hrs north of here. I still have several friends here who I've told about TW who wanted to meet him. That's one of the reasons I invited him, so he could meet my friends and also so I could see him interact with other people. He got a thumbs-up from my friends. This is good.
I'm still on the fence as far as he is concerned. When we go out bowling or to play pool or darts we have a good time. However when we just go out for a drink or for a meal, I find myself getting bored. We went out for a drink last week and he said "I'm a very boring person..." What kind of thing is that to say? If he was looking for me to say "oh no TW, you aren't at all boring" he is looking at the wrong chick. That's just not me. He also doesn't realize that is so not the thing to say to me. I don't do boring. I prefer interesting, funny, sarcastic, witty. I feel kinda bad sometimes. My friends say he definitely seems to like me. I think (and this is probably b/c I am in no way lacking in self esteem) -what's not to like? of course he likes me. I'm a good catch even if I say so myself. I'm smart, funny and attractive. A little weird sure but definitely interesting.
On the surface, he seems fine. Just not for me, I think. There are several little things that I can't quite get past which on their own would be fine but taken altogether are a bit much. I should probably end things but I don't want to hurt his feelings. Normally, when I don't think things are working out with a guy, I'm out. Like that! With very little in the way of guilt or regrets.
We still haven't had that conversation about boyfriend or not boyfriend or just dating or exclusive. He hasn't brought it up and neither have I. I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know the answer to that question so I won't be asking.
One last thing. I had a really weird dream about him - like scary/embarassing/freaky weird. I will not go into too many details other than to say that he was in it(fully clothed), his mother(who I of course have not met) and I was naked for most of it. Let's just say that I was well and truly freaked out by it. I figured that the dream was probably due to my misgivings about him. Still, it's difficult not to take it as a warning.
Afterwards about 10 of us went bowling. That was great fun. It was good to see TW interact with my friends. My friend C also told me that our height difference didn't seem weird - which I was kinda glad to hear. The thing is that I still haven't met any of his friends. Not even one. You'd think that someone who was born and grew up in this town, went to both undergrad and grad school in this town would have several friends here. One would also think that he want his friends to meet me. I moved here just over 5 yrs ago. I didn't go to high school here and I went to uni 4hrs north of here. I still have several friends here who I've told about TW who wanted to meet him. That's one of the reasons I invited him, so he could meet my friends and also so I could see him interact with other people. He got a thumbs-up from my friends. This is good.
I'm still on the fence as far as he is concerned. When we go out bowling or to play pool or darts we have a good time. However when we just go out for a drink or for a meal, I find myself getting bored. We went out for a drink last week and he said "I'm a very boring person..." What kind of thing is that to say? If he was looking for me to say "oh no TW, you aren't at all boring" he is looking at the wrong chick. That's just not me. He also doesn't realize that is so not the thing to say to me. I don't do boring. I prefer interesting, funny, sarcastic, witty. I feel kinda bad sometimes. My friends say he definitely seems to like me. I think (and this is probably b/c I am in no way lacking in self esteem) -what's not to like? of course he likes me. I'm a good catch even if I say so myself. I'm smart, funny and attractive. A little weird sure but definitely interesting.
On the surface, he seems fine. Just not for me, I think. There are several little things that I can't quite get past which on their own would be fine but taken altogether are a bit much. I should probably end things but I don't want to hurt his feelings. Normally, when I don't think things are working out with a guy, I'm out. Like that! With very little in the way of guilt or regrets.
We still haven't had that conversation about boyfriend or not boyfriend or just dating or exclusive. He hasn't brought it up and neither have I. I'm pretty sure that I don't want to know the answer to that question so I won't be asking.
One last thing. I had a really weird dream about him - like scary/embarassing/freaky weird. I will not go into too many details other than to say that he was in it(fully clothed), his mother(who I of course have not met) and I was naked for most of it. Let's just say that I was well and truly freaked out by it. I figured that the dream was probably due to my misgivings about him. Still, it's difficult not to take it as a warning.
Tuesday, February 5
come on february
February has started and is in fine form. I did a couple rxns and they worked - not spectacularly but still reasonably well. Also, the best news ever, my supervisor has changed to a much more reasonable person in my group. No longer will I have to report to that moron. I shouldn't call him that. But he just made it so hard for me - I don't know if it was a language issue with him or what. Doesn't matter anymore b/c now he can harass/annoy his new minion instead of me. This came after a particularly trying day last Wed where he came up to me at least 6 times and asked "what are you doing?" WTF does it look like I'm doing...staring into space? picking my nose? NO dumbass, my hands have gloves on and I'm purifying this compound or I'm writing observations in my notebook. If I was staring into space, maybe he'd have a legit reason for asking me that shit. As it was, I told him several times, my goals/plans for the day and yet he kept asking like he had amnesia or something.
Now I can just let it go. It was very freeing. I don't function well when all that rage is festering inside. It just made me so angry. All I wanted to listen to was that song by Three Days Grace "Animal I Have Become". It helped a little.
I'm feeling better now. I had another cold. ON the 10th day I finally went to the doc b/c my ears which had been popping the whole time had finally become clogged. I could barely hear out of my left ear. It was very weird. So I went in and got augmentin for 10 days. That ear has been really painful from time to time but at least it's not clogged anymore and my runny nose has finally tapered off after 13 days of running. My cough is also much better.
February is definitely better than January was and it's only been 5 days. I'm am all about February.
Now I can just let it go. It was very freeing. I don't function well when all that rage is festering inside. It just made me so angry. All I wanted to listen to was that song by Three Days Grace "Animal I Have Become". It helped a little.
I'm feeling better now. I had another cold. ON the 10th day I finally went to the doc b/c my ears which had been popping the whole time had finally become clogged. I could barely hear out of my left ear. It was very weird. So I went in and got augmentin for 10 days. That ear has been really painful from time to time but at least it's not clogged anymore and my runny nose has finally tapered off after 13 days of running. My cough is also much better.
February is definitely better than January was and it's only been 5 days. I'm am all about February.
Sunday, January 27
another week, another cold
I have another cold. I think this is s new record for me - 3 colds in a month. I had a sore throat Tues night and woke up with it Wed morning. I went to work for a couple hrs Wed and then went home b/c I was feeling pretty bad. Also stayed home Thu - coughed all day. Went in on Fri and felt much better even though I was still hoarse and coughing occasionally. I felt better. Sat morning I woke up with a headache and a sore throat and was a bit concerned but I just ignored it, took some sudafed and went about my day. took a walk with my friend around 9pm after dinner - this was probably a mistake b/c I wasn't dressed warmly enough for walking outside in 24F temps. I woke up today with a headache, hoarseness and bad cough. I still went to choir and made it through rehearsal with only a few coughs. During the service though - it was bad. I had to go to the bathroom about 8 times to cough - it sounded like my lungs were going to come up in my throat. It was getting worse b/c the service was going on and I was trying not to cough. That always makes it worse. So half-way through the service I left and came home. I spent the day resting mostly and am off to bed now. Hopefully I'll feel better soon. It's so annoying to be sick again. I'm so fed up of it. At work they tell me to stay home when I'm sick but they never do. They come in sick and infect me and then I always get sicker than they do. It sucks ass.
Tuesday, January 22
Heath Ledger - can you believe it? My friend told me today and I figured it was some sort of sick joke but it seems to be true. It's just crazy b/c he seemed so stable. Not that I knew him of course. Still, there are many other actors/entertainers out there who seem to be in far more trouble than him. I guess you only get to see the face they show the world. I feel sad for his kid.
Saturday, January 19
there's this moment...
...in Stranger Than Fiction...when Ana Pascal walk in and looks at Harold(the main character) who playing the guitar and singing with his eyes closed. She gives him this look - this look that says so much without words. That's what I'm looking for, and I don't know if I'll ever find it. Find someone I'll feel that way about or who'll make me feel that way. I do know that I haven't found it yet.
This movie chokes me up every time I see it...even though I already know the ending :)
This movie chokes me up every time I see it...even though I already know the ending :)
in the land of OZ
I fell asleep on my futon last night watching tennis - woke up at 1am and Federer and Tipsarevic were still battling away. I went to bed before the match was over but it looked like it could go either way. This is the first real test Fed. has had and boy was he tested. I went to bed thinking he might actually lose.
Today I watched Hewitt(aussie's great hope) battle Baghdatis. Their match didn't start until 1am Aussie time due to the late end of the Federer/Tipsarevic match. They also went about 4hrs. I picked Hewitt to win in my raquet bracket but Baghdatis gave him a run for his money.
Nadal plays his 4th round match tomorrow so I will be tuning in for that. I love tennis.
Today I watched Hewitt(aussie's great hope) battle Baghdatis. Their match didn't start until 1am Aussie time due to the late end of the Federer/Tipsarevic match. They also went about 4hrs. I picked Hewitt to win in my raquet bracket but Baghdatis gave him a run for his money.
Nadal plays his 4th round match tomorrow so I will be tuning in for that. I love tennis.
motivation
I had a funny conversation with a guy from the gym - I might have mentioned him as the guy from the gym who couldn't get his act together. Anyhoo, I saw him this past week at the gym (yes, I actually managed to work out once this week) and he and I chatted a bit. He said I looked really good for someone who wasn't at the gym. He also said and I quote "you must be beating them off with a stick". This made me laugh and feel pretty good. Fact is, I have lost another 1/2" off my waist and 1" off my belly and 1" off my hips - the belly fat is slowly breaking away from me, I may actually be able to see me abs someday! Actual lbs lost since Sep 07 is 4. This may not sound like a lot but at 4'11 3/4", 4lbs adds up. I even feel the difference in my jeans. This has motivated me to start doing sit-ups and push-ups every other day. I can only do about 12 push-ups so far and about 25-30 sit-ups but I think this will improve if I keep at it.
I put a pick of Nadal displaying his biceps(he doesn't even have to try) in my bedroom. It's the first thing I see after I put my glasses on - it motivates me :)
I put a pick of Nadal displaying his biceps(he doesn't even have to try) in my bedroom. It's the first thing I see after I put my glasses on - it motivates me :)
musings...
It's Sat morning - I wish I had a friend I could call to go get some breakfast. My friends have lots of excuses, many of them legit. I just wish I had someone I could feel comfortable calling. I rarely turn down invites out unless I'm ill. I do have a friend I get breakfast with sometimes but when she's not feeling up to it, there isn't anyone else.
I'm just a bit whiny lately. And a bit down. I know there are people out there with real problems and issues but that doesn't mean that mine don't seem equally real and problematic to me.
This is not what I had envisioned when I thought about having a boyfriend. I don't even know if he's my boyfriend or not. I don't feel exactly free to date other people. I think I should since nothing has been said by either of us.
I've invited him to a company party in a few weeks and I'm still unsure about how to introduce him...right now I'm thinking of, this is my date "TW". He's not asked about it either. While I don't really have any first hand experience with having a boyfriend, it is my understanding that if a guy is interested in having you date only him, he will ask and ensure this. Won't he?
So after having invited him to this company event, which happens in 3 weeks, he emails me about this Fri morning - His good friend is having a birthday party tonight that he's going to and he does not invite me. Just says that he'll be going to that so maybe we could get a drink Fri night since he'll be busy Sat. Well, I worked until 6:30pm Fri night and the only thing I wanted to do was go home, eat some pizza, and watch some tennis. That's it. My apt was a bit untidy and so I didn't want company because I was too tired to clean it. Plus, my kitchen had tons of dishes piled up and I was definitely too tired to be hustling to get them washed if I was having company. SO I told him to have fun at his party and that maybe we could meet for a drink early next week instead b/c I was too tired.
Personally, I think he should have invited me to his friend's party or just not said anything about it. Fact is, that he has met one of my friends and had opportunities to meet a couple others which he declined/had other plans. I have not met any of his friends nor have I had the opportunity to do so - unless he's counting the waitress at his fav bar who knows him well. I feel he should have not said anything to me about this party since he didn't want to invite me for whatever reason.
My friend Z, said that maybe he didn't have a game-plan either about when you talk about dating exclusively. I think that's crap, but what do I know? In my experience with guys and this is really only with guys who are just my friends, when they want a girl only to date them, they say so. They don't assume anything. They make sure she knows that they want to be with her only.
The thing about this guy is that he's not my type physically at all. He's very skinny and a bit too tall. My friends say the height shouldn't matter but I am aware of it whenever we stand next to each other. I am very aware of the extra foot and a half and I feel like a freak. I try not to think about it and usually I'm not concerned about what other people think but in this case I can't seem to let this go. Maybe it has something to do with my insecurities about my height. I'm short, just under 5' and was even shorter/skinny when I was in high school. Back then I had to defend against negative comments about my height almost every day. That sticks with you. I hardly ever used to think about any of that - I guess I managed to block most of it out like I have many other unpleasant parts of my past. It keeps surfacing lately though and I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
He seems to be a nice guy although he only likes to go out to eat at bars or places that serve bar-food. We tried to go to a different place and the wait was 45min, which was ridiculous, I agree, but there were maybe 10 other restaurants on that street that were somewhat similar that we could have tried. Instead he drives another 20min to a bar we've been to before for mediocre burgers.
I suggested a couple places but he said "I think those places have too many people, I prefer someplace more low key". By low-key, he means a bar, no wait, true, but mediocre to crappy food that has tons of fat and useless calories. He does pay most times, so I'm not complaining about that.
The thing is, that things are not the way I imagined they would be. I feel like it would be ok to make exceptions for someone who fit my criteria more. Maybe I'm just more shallow that I thought.
I have had these reservations about TW from the start but they have gotten worse ever since the whole making-out-thing with BG. BG is not exactly my ideal but he's more in a height range that doesn't make me self-conscious. I also felt much more comfortable with BG in a shorter space of time and I'm not quite at that level with TW yet in spite of having been dating him for a couple months.
Is it too early to meet a guy's friends? Shouldn't I get a chance to see how he interacts with people who know him well before I commit myself completely? Maybe I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong. Be that as it may, this just doesn't feel right. It has never really felt right. It's been ok and mostly fun. I'm just biding time now.
I'm just a bit whiny lately. And a bit down. I know there are people out there with real problems and issues but that doesn't mean that mine don't seem equally real and problematic to me.
This is not what I had envisioned when I thought about having a boyfriend. I don't even know if he's my boyfriend or not. I don't feel exactly free to date other people. I think I should since nothing has been said by either of us.
I've invited him to a company party in a few weeks and I'm still unsure about how to introduce him...right now I'm thinking of, this is my date "TW". He's not asked about it either. While I don't really have any first hand experience with having a boyfriend, it is my understanding that if a guy is interested in having you date only him, he will ask and ensure this. Won't he?
So after having invited him to this company event, which happens in 3 weeks, he emails me about this Fri morning - His good friend is having a birthday party tonight that he's going to and he does not invite me. Just says that he'll be going to that so maybe we could get a drink Fri night since he'll be busy Sat. Well, I worked until 6:30pm Fri night and the only thing I wanted to do was go home, eat some pizza, and watch some tennis. That's it. My apt was a bit untidy and so I didn't want company because I was too tired to clean it. Plus, my kitchen had tons of dishes piled up and I was definitely too tired to be hustling to get them washed if I was having company. SO I told him to have fun at his party and that maybe we could meet for a drink early next week instead b/c I was too tired.
Personally, I think he should have invited me to his friend's party or just not said anything about it. Fact is, that he has met one of my friends and had opportunities to meet a couple others which he declined/had other plans. I have not met any of his friends nor have I had the opportunity to do so - unless he's counting the waitress at his fav bar who knows him well. I feel he should have not said anything to me about this party since he didn't want to invite me for whatever reason.
My friend Z, said that maybe he didn't have a game-plan either about when you talk about dating exclusively. I think that's crap, but what do I know? In my experience with guys and this is really only with guys who are just my friends, when they want a girl only to date them, they say so. They don't assume anything. They make sure she knows that they want to be with her only.
The thing about this guy is that he's not my type physically at all. He's very skinny and a bit too tall. My friends say the height shouldn't matter but I am aware of it whenever we stand next to each other. I am very aware of the extra foot and a half and I feel like a freak. I try not to think about it and usually I'm not concerned about what other people think but in this case I can't seem to let this go. Maybe it has something to do with my insecurities about my height. I'm short, just under 5' and was even shorter/skinny when I was in high school. Back then I had to defend against negative comments about my height almost every day. That sticks with you. I hardly ever used to think about any of that - I guess I managed to block most of it out like I have many other unpleasant parts of my past. It keeps surfacing lately though and I don't like it. I don't like it at all.
He seems to be a nice guy although he only likes to go out to eat at bars or places that serve bar-food. We tried to go to a different place and the wait was 45min, which was ridiculous, I agree, but there were maybe 10 other restaurants on that street that were somewhat similar that we could have tried. Instead he drives another 20min to a bar we've been to before for mediocre burgers.
I suggested a couple places but he said "I think those places have too many people, I prefer someplace more low key". By low-key, he means a bar, no wait, true, but mediocre to crappy food that has tons of fat and useless calories. He does pay most times, so I'm not complaining about that.
The thing is, that things are not the way I imagined they would be. I feel like it would be ok to make exceptions for someone who fit my criteria more. Maybe I'm just more shallow that I thought.
I have had these reservations about TW from the start but they have gotten worse ever since the whole making-out-thing with BG. BG is not exactly my ideal but he's more in a height range that doesn't make me self-conscious. I also felt much more comfortable with BG in a shorter space of time and I'm not quite at that level with TW yet in spite of having been dating him for a couple months.
Is it too early to meet a guy's friends? Shouldn't I get a chance to see how he interacts with people who know him well before I commit myself completely? Maybe I'm wrong. I'm probably wrong. Be that as it may, this just doesn't feel right. It has never really felt right. It's been ok and mostly fun. I'm just biding time now.
Tuesday, January 15
boy update
So I am still dating TW - it's been just over 2mths since we started dating.
I was a bit confused ever since I got back from my holiday. Partly b/c I was a bit naughty and kinda hooked up with a guy (let's call him BG) - if I wasn't plastered, I might have stopped sooner than I did. As it was, it was a very close call. This is just not the sort of thing that I normally do. Ever. I met BG the last time I was there and we clicked but nothing happened. I really like BG and there is major chemistry but he lives on another continent. I like TW and he lives here - in the same city as me. And he's probably better suited to me as well.
I was thinking too much - wondering if maybe BG would be a better guy b/c there was so much chemistry. Honestly though, I haven't spent much time actually talking to BG - the sexual chemistry clouded almost everything else out. I don't know if there's a chance for more or not. I may never get the chance to find out.
TW is a really sweet guy and he's fun and I have a great time whenever we hang out. He made me this really cool gift for Christmas. I was a bit apprehensive when he told me he was making me something but it is perfect and appropriate. If you want to know what it is, email me and I'll send you a picture (I don't want to post it b/c it is unique).
So I've decided to stop second-guessing myself. To stop analyzing everything. Stop trying to "figure out where the relationship is going". Stop pondering... are we in a relationship? should I ask him to define the boundaries of such? should I have a talk with him about being exclusive and not dating other people? So many questions...Instead, I'm just going to enjoy and take things one day/date at a time. As long as it remains positive and fun, then I'm going to run with it.
I was a bit confused ever since I got back from my holiday. Partly b/c I was a bit naughty and kinda hooked up with a guy (let's call him BG) - if I wasn't plastered, I might have stopped sooner than I did. As it was, it was a very close call. This is just not the sort of thing that I normally do. Ever. I met BG the last time I was there and we clicked but nothing happened. I really like BG and there is major chemistry but he lives on another continent. I like TW and he lives here - in the same city as me. And he's probably better suited to me as well.
I was thinking too much - wondering if maybe BG would be a better guy b/c there was so much chemistry. Honestly though, I haven't spent much time actually talking to BG - the sexual chemistry clouded almost everything else out. I don't know if there's a chance for more or not. I may never get the chance to find out.
TW is a really sweet guy and he's fun and I have a great time whenever we hang out. He made me this really cool gift for Christmas. I was a bit apprehensive when he told me he was making me something but it is perfect and appropriate. If you want to know what it is, email me and I'll send you a picture (I don't want to post it b/c it is unique).
So I've decided to stop second-guessing myself. To stop analyzing everything. Stop trying to "figure out where the relationship is going". Stop pondering... are we in a relationship? should I ask him to define the boundaries of such? should I have a talk with him about being exclusive and not dating other people? So many questions...Instead, I'm just going to enjoy and take things one day/date at a time. As long as it remains positive and fun, then I'm going to run with it.
in the land of Oz
In other news, tennis is once again saving my sanity. Aussie open, people. Watch! You'll like. Lots of exciting things happening in both the men's and women's game. Some great players out there. I don't normally watch much of the women's game but the match-ups are really good this year and I've watched a few already.
My boy Nadal really struggled to win his first round match vs Troiki(who had some killer aces and was also able to return a lot of what Nadal threw at him) but I'm hoping that's where his major hiccup will be and he'll look better as time goes on. I'm hoping he improves and makes it past the 1/4finals this year.
Federer was magnificent. I know I sound like a fan of his and I do like him though not as much as Nadal. Watching him effortlessly demolish Hartfield was a thing of beauty. I felt kinda sorry for poor Hartfield - Federer in the first round.
My boy Nadal really struggled to win his first round match vs Troiki(who had some killer aces and was also able to return a lot of what Nadal threw at him) but I'm hoping that's where his major hiccup will be and he'll look better as time goes on. I'm hoping he improves and makes it past the 1/4finals this year.
Federer was magnificent. I know I sound like a fan of his and I do like him though not as much as Nadal. Watching him effortlessly demolish Hartfield was a thing of beauty. I felt kinda sorry for poor Hartfield - Federer in the first round.
work update
I have been in no mood to post lately. I've had stuff to say but haven't had the inclination to actually write it all out.
I am having a really shit time at work since I've been back. The chemistry gods are angry. Very angry. Not just at me - several other people in my group have also been having crappy yields + weird unidentifiable impurities. The one I'm working on now has had several purifications and still has some shit in it that neither I nor the other experienced scientists in my lab can identify. It's enough to make a sane person nuts. I feel like screaming and pulling my hair out all day, every day. It's been so shit. Hopefully once I get this crap shipped, I'll have a bit more luck.
Things have to get better as some point, right?
I am having a really shit time at work since I've been back. The chemistry gods are angry. Very angry. Not just at me - several other people in my group have also been having crappy yields + weird unidentifiable impurities. The one I'm working on now has had several purifications and still has some shit in it that neither I nor the other experienced scientists in my lab can identify. It's enough to make a sane person nuts. I feel like screaming and pulling my hair out all day, every day. It's been so shit. Hopefully once I get this crap shipped, I'll have a bit more luck.
Things have to get better as some point, right?
Saturday, January 5
Happy New Year
I've not been in a mood to post much. I got back from my trip last Sat but it feels like I've been back much longer. At least it was only a 3-day work week else I don't think I would have survived.
I went out last night to a bar that had a live band. The band was pretty good. When we left my car was gone and in its place was a parking violations vehicle - bad sign. Yes, my car was towed. I had to take a taxi to it ($7.50) and then after paying ($135) to get it out, I found a $50 ticket on it. Happy New Year to me.
Needless to say that kinda ruined my night but it just the kind of shit that always seems to happen to me.
Hopefully this is the end of the crap and 2008 as a whole will turn out much better than 2007 was. I'm really tired since I didn't get in until 2am and still went to breakfast with T at 9am. I woke up at 7:30. I really should take a nap.
I'm supposed to go out with the guy TW tonight at 6 but right now I just don't feel up to it. My feelings are a bit confused where he is concerned at the moment and I don't know if I want to continue seeing him or not. There was a bit of weirdness on both our parts while I was gone and I don't know if this is what I want. I am confused (and you probably are too due to my vagueness) but that's just where I'm at now.
More to come later.
I went out last night to a bar that had a live band. The band was pretty good. When we left my car was gone and in its place was a parking violations vehicle - bad sign. Yes, my car was towed. I had to take a taxi to it ($7.50) and then after paying ($135) to get it out, I found a $50 ticket on it. Happy New Year to me.
Needless to say that kinda ruined my night but it just the kind of shit that always seems to happen to me.
Hopefully this is the end of the crap and 2008 as a whole will turn out much better than 2007 was. I'm really tired since I didn't get in until 2am and still went to breakfast with T at 9am. I woke up at 7:30. I really should take a nap.
I'm supposed to go out with the guy TW tonight at 6 but right now I just don't feel up to it. My feelings are a bit confused where he is concerned at the moment and I don't know if I want to continue seeing him or not. There was a bit of weirdness on both our parts while I was gone and I don't know if this is what I want. I am confused (and you probably are too due to my vagueness) but that's just where I'm at now.
More to come later.
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