the crux of the matter

I kept thinking that over time I'd start feeling more. I figured he's a nice guy. Normal, mostly. It's not perfect. It isn't abusive. I'm just bored and can't see myself with him long term. It's been 3 months. I think I would know by now. He just doesn't excite me. I used to get more excited about reading his emails than about meeting him in person. This is not a good sign. He sometimes lets 6 or 7 days go by without emailing me even though email is our primary source of communication. He doesn't have a cell phone. He works behind a computer all day and expected me to believe that he only just saw my email after 4 days. I didn't buy that for a minute.
T says that excitement doesn't last but if it isn't even there at the beginning, what's the point? Why even bother?

I wrote an email to him last night but I couldn't send it. I think he deserves more than an email. I need to tell him face-to-face even though I'd rather avoid it. He emailed about going out for drinks on Valentine's day. I emailed back that I'm not a believer in celebrating such a fake day. He admitted that he was glad I didn't like it. I'm so not looking forward to the conversation.

I've thought about asking to just-be-friends but really the only thing I want to do with him is go bowling. I will miss going bowling with him. When we go bowling, I do have fun. Every time. In the car, it's gets a little weird for me. I try to keep the conversation going. I was trying to explain how I felt to my sis and I told her how sometimes I can't think of anything to say. This is weird for me - I can strike up conversations and do have random conversations with people all the time. She said, "if you can't think of something to say, you have to end it - because normally you talk all the time". Yeah, there was a backwards compliment in there somewhere(I think :)

I don't regret meeting him. It has been fun. As long as we had a specific activity to do. Otherwise it just feels like hard work. The crux of the matter is that I don't feel a strong connection to him, the kind of connection I want to have with a partner. I don't think that's his fault, I think it just isn't there. Now all I have to do is explain this.

Then of course there's the cloak-and-dagger thing with his friends. Maybe he doesn't have any friends. If that's true, it's really weird but it would explain why he's never asked me to meet any. Either that or he has a real gf who knows his friends so he can't introduce me.

I don't know if I'll feel differently someday. I've never been in love with a guy who was in love with me. So I don't know if I would then want all the hype involved in Vday. I sincerely doubt it though. I've always been anti-Vday. For one thing, I'm really allergic to pollen, so I don't deal well with fresh flowers. I love chocolate but would prefer a random gift of such, just because that person thought of me. Not so they could prove to the world how great of a bf they are. Unless, that is something they'd do normally anyway. That's just how I feel. I'm ok with other people liking it and wanting to do stuff as long as I don't have to be involved.