Wednesday, August 31
I only gave the addy to one of them though (my 'gifted' friend who knows many of these stories).
Off to bed.
In my experience...
- Some are just weird and you wonder why you wanted to go out with them in the first place
- Some are awful all the way through and you can’t wait for the night to be over
- Some are fantastic at the start but then fizzle near the middle and by the end you're bored and know there won’t be another
- Some are just really great from the start, kind of sweet in the middle, and by the end are filled with promise
So what kind of date was it? Definitely #4.
Yes, I went on date tonight. I've hung out with him a couple times before but this was our 1st official date (just us, no friends).
It started off well. I was a little nervous, which is weird for me because I don’t get nervous very often. This guy is very good looking/ built very well/ intelligent/ and seems to be very interested in me. All pluses.
There were a few times during the date where neither of us said anything (we were smiling at each other though). I tried to fill in a couple of these gaps – unfortunately saying odd things (the nervousness at work) which probably freaked him out a little.
Then I became more relaxed, just let the silences be. At times, I just wanted to reach over and hug him but I restrained myself.
He likes Celtic music too. I haven’t met many guys that do.
And it was fun. I had a great time. I’m pretty sure that we’ll go out again.
I kind of blundered the whole end of date/ leaving the car/do we hug or kiss or both thing? Still I think it went very well for a 1st date.
Overall, very enjoyable.
Could barely get to sleep last night, was both excited and nervous. Might try for an early night tonight (for me, anything before 11:30p). Am kind of exhausted.
Sunday, August 28
I got a great message on my phone last night. Had a very promising phone conversation tonight. Don't want to say any more just yet but I'm very excited about it.
I miss hearing my local dialect sometimes and it's great talking to family who still live at home because their accents haven't changed. Mine has changed and it alters slightly whenever I move to a different place . In college, neither my family nor my roomies' families (I had 3) could tell our voices apart. I'm a natural mimic and it happens unconsciously.
When I lived in MD it was different from when I lived in upstate NY to how it is now. It also changes depending on where my friends are from. When I go home for a couple weeks it almost comes back - at least from my American friends' perspective. Still most of my family and friends at home teased me about my 'yankee' accent. FYI, all American accents are referred to as Yankee accents even if not from NY.
For example there's something called a 'tabanca' and from that you have tabanca songs. A tabanca is something you get when you have a relationship with someone who then dumps you for someone else - that the gist of it anyway. So we'd say, I have a tabanca if we were in that situation. I was thinking about this because I have a list of tabanca songs (of course, another list ;) but I list those another time. Also there is a calypso called "I have a tabanca"- it's very funny.
Saturday, August 27
I really enjoyed all of these books and own several of them. I first read most of them from the library and a few were ones I bought at airports to read on planes. The people in all of them are very real and the characters are well developed.
A few of these I read years ago and some only within the last year. Some were in my usual zone. I think everyone has their own book zone. You know, you read mostly books of a certain genre or certain authors. I tend to stick within the romance/mystery genre mostly. I also read mostly fiction. That's my zone. I stepped out of my zone for several of these and I'm glad I did. As far as writers go I've read almost everything in print by...
...Nora Roberts(but not any as JD Robb) - Catherine Coulter(incl. historical romance and newer FBI thrillers) - Maureen Tan - Jayne Ann Krentz /Amanda Quick - Rachel Gibson - Susan Elizabeth Phillips - Julia Quinn - Sandra Brown - Carly Phillips - Jennifer Cruise - Suzanne Brockway - Joanna Lindsay - Janet Evanovich (but not the Stephanie Plum ones, haven't been able to get into those) - Sara Paretsky - Sue Grafton (A for Alibi through to M for Malice)
I am intrigued by book titles and am often drawn to books first by the title. Then I look at the cover art and layout and if I'm still interested, I read the back/inside dust jacket cover. Then I read a couple pages, if I'm still interested then I borrow/buy it. I never read the ending first. All of the books on my list kept my interest till the end. I didn't want them to finish because they were so well written. And best of all, no typos.
I hate that in a book. Aren't there people who are supposed to proof read for glitches like repeated words, misspelled words, etc.? It always bugs me when I come across a book with such errors. I know, I know, I make mistakes like that too. The typos in my blog bug me so I try to fix them when I notice them. I'm a wee bit anal. But at least it's not my job, no one's paying me to look for such errors. Maybe someone should.
Anyway, if you are looking for something new to read that may or may not be in your book zone; check out a few of the books in my list or any by the above writers.
Friday, August 26
- The Bridge Across Forever & One by Richard Bach
- Between Sisters by Kristin Hannah
- Angel Light by Andrew M. Greeley
- The Observatory by Emily Grayson
- He's Got To Go by Sheila O'Flanagan
- Family Trust by Amanda Brown
- Kissing in Technicolor by Jane Mendle
- Serving Crazy With Curry by Amulya Malladi
- The Big Love by Sarah Dunn
- The Village Bride of Beverly Hills by Kavita Daswani
- Dance With Me by Luanne Rice
- Now You See Her by Linda Howard
- AKA Jane, Run Jane Run, and A Perfect Cover by Maureen Tan
- Lost & Found by Jayne Ann Krentz
- Lost & Found by Jane Sigaloff (I am often attracted to books with titles I've seen before)
- In Pursuit of the Green Lion and Vision of Light by Judith Merkle Riley
- Metro Girl by Janet Evanovich (partly why I want a mini cooper)
I decided to write about him separately b/c last night I was so exhausted (small wonder since I went to sleep after 1am).
I thought Lit and I were soulmates. In my weaker moments, I still think this. But I don't want to believe that anymore because if it's true then I've missed my chance and I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. Even though I did everything I could as far as he was concerned. But as that Bonnie Raitt song goes--- "...I can't make you love me, if you don't...you can't make your heart feel something it won't..." That line sums up our whole relationship (for want of a better word).
When we first met, it wasn't love at first sight (which I'm not sure I really believe in). It was more like I noticed him. Thought he was cute, finagled an introduction through mutual friends. It took about 2 months before I thought about him possibly being my soulmate. Once I'd decided that, my obsession took off from there.
Examples of my obsession:
- I felt as if my day was ruined if I didn't see or talk to him at least once every day even though we weren't dating.
- I went to every home game for our DIII soccer team senior year-even when it was 25°F outside - because he was on the team.
My partner in crime during all this game watching and stalking, I mean accidentally meeting, was my college roomie. She actually loves soccer (and soccer players ;) so it was no hardship for her to come with me to all these games. She's one my best friends and I love that girl. She unfortunately also had to listen to me talk about Lit all the time but she never told me to shut up or get over it. She supported me 100%. Got to love friends like that.
Going to every game may not sound like much unless you consider that I knew almost nothing about soccer and had never watched a game willingly. Even though I grew up in the Caribbean I thought it was kind of boring and always complained when it was on tv (during world cup was the worst) cause that's what everyone else wanted to watch it. I was never interested at all. Until Lit. When I found out he was on the soccer team - I became a soccer fan.I did many other things I won't write here (some of them can loosely be considered stalking :)
When Lit and I became friends, it was great. I didn't have to arrange to accidentally meet him anymore cause we actually made plans to do things together. We had fun together. He has a curious mind which I loved because I'm curious about so many things myself. We often ate together, either breakfast or dinner most days during the week and usu Sat brunch. (Our school had a great dining hall in our dorm and I still miss it after 3yrs)
He could always make me laugh. He could say anything with a straight face. I can never do that and have always admired such a trait in others.
He was in my year and he brought me into his group of friends. It was great because most of my friends were underclassmen (as I'd transferred in my junior yr) which was fine, but you go through very different experiences from yr to yr and it was great to have people who were doing the same things I was.
We used to be able to talk about almost anything. We spent many nights and weekends talking until 1 or 2am. He was always a perfect gentleman even when I would have encouraged him to be otherwise. He just got me, you know. I couldn't ask for more than that right? Wrong? I should have been thinking that he needed to want me as well.
Anyhoo, eventually I worked up the courage and told him how I felt and asked if he was interested. [I should have just asked to be hit in the head with a blunt object and put out of my misery]. He didn't feel the same and said so but wanted to continue being friends. And I thought that I'd take whatever I could get. Plus, a part of me always hoped that he'd change his mind. We got closer. I was more forward with him that I've ever been. I usually wait for a guy to make the first move but with him, I couldn't wait. He didn't accept and turned away from all my advances. I had no shame where he was concerned, none at all. I don't regret telling him of my feelings. I don't regret the time I spent with him. I do wish I'd gotten over him sooner.
And after we graduated, his feelings never changed. I know, because I asked. More than once. Pathetic right? without a doubt. We kept in touch mostly by me sending funny 'thinking of you' cards and b'day cards, email, phone calls - which he always returned but hardly ever initiated himself. I even (and this I'm a little ashamed of) sent him Valentine cards every year. Usually funny friend ones (that's how I justified them to myself).
Early this year I'd had enough. I'd cried enough. I'd felt sorry enough for myself. I kept wondering what was wrong with me? Was I flawed in some way that he could see? Is that why he didn't want me? Was I not worthy of being loved? I felt like a pathetic loser and I couldn't stand myself.
Then I read many of the relationship books out there, some bad, some that were just dumb and a few that were somewhat insightful - including "he's just not that into you" which I do recommend as well as "why men love bitches". I decided that I had to treat him the way I did all of my other guy friends. Which meant, no more b'day cards or thinking of you notes or phonecalls and especially no valentines card. Just the occassional email and christmas card, no more than that. I also realized that I had to get over him and move on.
It really hurt. It hurt because it was hard to deal with the fact that he wasn't attracted to me, didn't want to be with me when I wanted to spend my life with him. I recognized him as my soulmate, why didn't he recognize me as well? He never misled me but he never actively pushed me away either. So my hope remained alive for a long time.
I had ignored other guys who were interested in the hope that one day Lit would awaken and realize that he was in love with me too. I had many scenarios for how he'd be hit with such an epiphany:) Obviously, I've read too many romance novels. I can almost laugh about it now. No guy could measure up to how I saw him and what I thought I could have with him if we were together. I had to stop the madness.
So I wrote him this crazy 4 page letter. Crazy b/c I put everything I had felt and was feeling into it. I didn't plan to mail it, it was cathartic enough just writing it. But one day, I put it in an envelope and addressed it. I carried it in my car for 2wks, wrestled with the post office lady for it after she gave me the stamp b/c wasn't sure I should mail it after all. Then...I let it go.
And predictably, he called, even though I asked him not to in the letter. My first words after hello...I guess you got my crazy letter....At first he wouldn't even discuss said letter. He said something like...blah blah we'll get to that later...how are you? So I played along all the time wanting to get it over with. In the letter, I basically said that I couldn't just be his friend anymore b/c I always kept hoping for more and that I had finally accepted that he was never going to see me that way. His response...what he always says, why can't we just keep things the way they are...blah blah blah...it's not me, he doesn't want to have a relationship with anyone...blah blah. This call happened in March, I didn't call or send a card for his b'day. No card from him for mine. He did email me after the fact but I didn't answer it.
Last month, in a weak moment, I emailed him but it got returned undelivered. Wasn't sure what to make of that. But I figured that maybe it was for the best.
I've finally accepted it, he and I - not meant to be. I still miss him though. I used to talk to him about anything and everything. Stuff happens in my everyday life that I want to tell him about. I want to know how he is. I want to hear him laugh.
I had to end it and though I wish I was able to stay in touch and move on at the same time, I just couldn't. So I made a not-so-clean break.
Update: as of April 2008
Lit and I are emailing again. I can't remember how it started it but he emailed one day and then I emailed him back and we were ok. I'm still keeping it casual and simple. It doesn't hurt anymore so I guess I'm over him.
And then I started thinking, then I had to write this down.
I've been in love once. I've been infatuated way too many times to ever write about them all here but I'll mention the most memorable ones. During my infatuations, they seemed like love to me but I know that they weren't that. At least I know that now. For me, infatuations made me happy, sad, excited and a little depressed. But love (unrequited) is so far removed from anything I felt before or since that I recognize that there's a difference.
I had 1 main crush in elementary school, JT, and I think that was the last time a guy liked me at the same time I liked him. We remained friends through high school - he went to an all-boys high school near my all-girls high school. We never dated though cause that just wasn't allowed for me at that time but we saw each other fairly often. He'd often come by to meet me after school and we'd walk together. We wrote each other lovely letters. Unfortunately, I burned all of them. I spoke to him about them years later(in my early 20s) - he still kept mine and was quite upset when I confessed to destroying the ones from him. Privacy was such a big issue for me as a teen (lots of extended family came and went in our house and I didn't want my privacy invaded so felt I had to destroy them). I tried to explain but he didn't really seem to understand. He's quite successful today and I hear from or about him whenever I go home.
I sort of had 2 crushes during my last year of high school when I transferred to a coed school. RL and DLK. RL was so funny, smart but it was his eyes that drew me in. He could draw too and he and I used to doodle together on the same paper during study hall. I still have a couple drawings he did. While I was following and hanging on every word out of RL's mouth, DLK was following me around.
I noticed DLK and even though he and I flirted a lot, I was never serious (so sure that RL was the man for me). DLK used to say the most outrageous things to me and I'd always respond in kind. I still remember a very funny exchange we had where he said something like "you weren't complaining about the whips/chains last night". People thought we were seeing each other, understandable misconception considering our conversations. I think that was the first time that I flirted in a sexual way with a guy. I was 17 and he was 18/19. I could tell that he was sometimes hurt by my flippancy or when I ignored him in favor of RL but, back then I think he'd have done anything for me. If I had to relive that time, I think I'd pay more attention to him and less to RL.
Unfortunately, RL saw me as one of the guys (the recurring theme of my love life) and I remained clueless of this fact for far too long. We kept in touch for about a year after high school but then I never heard from him again. DLK saw me as a woman which he expressed in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways. I saw him once when I was 22 and he was built very nicely by then - no longer the lanky guy I remembered. I was really sorry I hadn't paid closer attention to him.
But life is like that sometimes - the people you notice either don't notice you or don't think of you in the same light. And vice-versa.
I had 4 unrequited crushes in college, 1 for each yr almost.
Freshman yr: He had a live-in girlfriend so this was doomed from the start. I thought MG was so cool. He was in the army and was studying nursing. I really liked him a lot but knew it was never going to go anywhere. He was kind and he made me laugh. We hung out from time to time as we had a class together and sometimes we'd have lunch and chat. Some small part of me thought that maybe he and the gf would break up and then he'd be free to see me. Then I met her and she gave me the evil eye, I swear, no one has looked at me like that before or since. Needless to say, I limited the time I spent with him after that.
Sophomore yr: This was short-lived and lasted 2 wks. I got over my crush after R told me that he was gay. It was so obvious, I don't know how I didn't realize it before. He and I remained good friends for a while but then we had a really stupid fight (though I can't even remember what about) and stopped being friends after that.
In my junior yr there were 2 main guys. The first one was Ozzy - I met him the second day during orientation when I transferred in my junior yr. He and I spent so much of our time together, laughing, on im, eating together. He's a genius and part of the reason why I felt compelled to take that Java class. In fact I hold him almost solely responsible for that :) even though he refuses to take the credit/ blame for it. He's also a very good looking man.
Back then, I thought that he must know how I feel and he must feel the same way. I'd finally decided that I had to tell him how I felt. But he beat me to the punch. Sort of. But his confession was that he had feelings for my best friend and roomie.
I didn't speak to him for a week. Then I realized that my pride was more hurt than my heart. The signs were there but I'd ignored them. After all, I was the one he spent most of his time with. Of course, he was also spending a lot of time with my friend at the same time. He and I continued being friends and I think we'll be friends for a long time. Now he's like the brother I never had. What can I say? Life works out in the strangest ways sometimes.
Sometime after that in the fall of my junior yr was when I first noticed Lit (as I referred to him after I found out that his fav drink was Long-Island Iced Tea) more on him later.
Thursday, August 25
- I've been to Trinity College and seen pages from the Book of Kells and the Book of Durrow
- Toured the original Guinness factory, drank my complimentary pint from the Gravity Bar
- Walked through Powerscourt Gardens, Co. Wicklow-very beautiful
- I've walked along the Greenich Meridian line and toured the Royal Observatory and the National Maritime Museum, the Harrison maritime keepers were fascinating
- I've been to the Tower of London and seen the crown jewels - the ravens freaked me out
- Seen the Thames by boat
- Watched the Changing of the Guard at Buckingham Palace - couldn't distract them, not even with silly faces
- Seen Big Ben and Trafalgar Square from the top of a double-decker bus
- Seen London from the top of The London Eye - the view was worth the 90min wait
- Climbed to the top of Clifford's Tower in York
- I've driven down Lombard, the world's most-crooked street in San Fran
- Ridden in a cable car - takes a lot of muscle to operate
- Seen Golden Gate Bridge from every conceivable angle (and have pics to prove this)
- I've been to Alcatraz
- I've seen Magic Kingdom, Epcot, Animal Safari and Disney Quest
- I've been to Universal Studios, Orlando
- Been to the Saratoga Racetrack, had the thrill of winning and the agony of losing
- Seen Howe caverns
- Seen a demolition derby - more exciting to watch than I thought it would be
- I've been to the Kennedy Space Center
Wednesday, August 24
Sometimes, I have so much to do, I can barely think and then there are other times when I'm bored out of my skull. Luckily this doesn't happen often. There's only so many times you can check cnn or bbc or amazon. Can't blog at work, they scan plus lots of creative firewalls by our wonderful IT dept. so I dare not even try.
In elementary and high school I remember being bored all the time which is why I usu got in trouble for "distracting others" or "talking too much in class" but that's another story.
Obviously I'm a little too efficient at work lately, but you never want them to know just how efficient you can be b/c then they would take advantage. Most days I could get my work done in 7hr but I let it drag to 9hr. We're expected to put in at least 9/day or more, most do 10-11h though. Somedays I can barely make to 9. Depends on your group suervisor. Finally I have decent supervisors (lots of middle management) who usu leave by 5p. I was in a group earlier this year where my immediaate supervisor didn't leave until 7/8pm most days. How do you top that? She obviously had no life despite being married. I'm single and I sure as hell don't want to spend half of each day at work. But to each his own I guess.
That's my rant for the day. At least tomorrow's Thurs.
Tuesday, August 23
late-night treat...vanilla ice-cream w/chocolate chips and dark chocolate M&Ms as a topping. The M&Ms give it just the right amount of color and bite. Enjoy.
I started thinking of this as I was going through some old drawings of mine from college. I found about 10 self-portraits I did for a drawing class back in 1999. I uploaded a couple to my portfolio (click the flickr link on sidebar). I recognize myself in all of them but there's one that I think resembles me more than any of the others.
Not because it's the most accurate one...or the most detailed...though there is sufficient detail that people who know me would recognize me...but because I think I captured myself best in it at that time. Though I'm not that girl anymore, I remember her and she had a lot of dreams back then. Some have come true. Some have changed. Some haven't happened yet and some never will. She was sure of her classroom abilities but not of much else. (I know - a little kooky talking about myself in the 3rd person). I want to tell her that there's more to life than getting A's and that her first mentor was correct - She would not get straight A's all the time and that the world wouldn't end when she didn't and that she was going to be fine.
I also found a portrait I have of myself which was done by an artist in Covent Garden about 10yrs ago. The artist took about 10-15 minutes and both my friend and I had ours done. It's funny because even though that portrait is more accurate and certainly the artist had more skill than I, I don't think they were able to really capture me though he got my likeness well enough. At least not the person I think I was back then. I wonder if maybe that's because 10 years ago, I was very different from how I was in college or how I am now for that matter. Maybe I kept parts of myself hidden. The person in that portrait seemed afraid of many things, shy, a bit insecure, definitely a people pleaser. So maybe, he got it right after all.
I'm more open now...to people, life and the universe at large. I don't think I've ever been shy but I used to be very concerned about what people thought of me. I used to feel as if it was my job to make sure that other people weren't upset. This consumed so much of my energy. It's not easy trying to please everyone. I kept many things inside and rarely disagreed about anything (out loud anyway :). I used to keep so much in and then...out of nowhere...I'd erupt like Mt. Versuvius.
I think I'm a better person today. I certainly speak what's on my mind more. I keep less bottled up inside. This is a very good thing (seeing Versuvius erupt was not pretty).
So...who is that girl? She's still a part of me, of who I was and I think of her fondly.
Monday, August 22
I own at least 2 or more CDs for the artists listed below - my friend says that I can safely say that I love their music if I've bought so many of their CDs. I have a couple rules I use when buying music a) If it's a single artist, I must like at least 3 tracks on the album and b) if it's a compilation (I buy many of these) then I must like at least 7 tracks. Both these rules go out the window if the CD costs less than $8. I buy most of my CDs used unless it's a new one I feel I must have. So here's my list - in random order.
- No Doubt
- Backstreet Boys (I own more than 2 - try not to judge me because of this :)
- Celine Dion (ditto)
- Josh Groban
- Sheryl Crow (I think I own all but one)
- The Cranberries
- Amy Grant
- Shania Twain
- Green Day
- Mariah Carey
- Avril Lavigne
- Leann Rimes
- Alanis Morissette(the first non-classical album I bought, on cassette :)
- Third Eye Blind
- Andrea Bocelli
In addition to these I've the greatest hits for most of the above as well as for other artists from the 80s/90s-this is music I taped from the radio as a kid and in my teens.
- Bon Jovi
- Air Supply
- Lenny Kravitz
- Bryan Adams
- Red Hot Chili Peppers
- Michael Jackson
I also have about 10 of the NOW Hits/Totally Hits compilations. I like pop especially if I'm in the mood to dance.
I have more Celtic CDs than any other particular genre and these include compilations which is what I started listening to. Then I started buying CDs of the individual artists themselves. These are the only CDs I tend to pay full price b/c they rarely go on sale and are hardly ever available used. As for classical, Vivaldi's my fav and have a 5-CD collection of his music. Most of the other classical music I listen to are on compilation CDs. I find that I prefer music from the baroque period more than any other.
I could probably live without music but I definitely wouldn't be very happy. Music is great no matter what mood I'm in and I have music to suit them all. There's some stuff I only listen to when I'm angry (like Three Days Grace) or mostly at night before bed (like Sarah McLachlan or Kate Rusby) and then there are the car tunes which lately is The Killers Hot Fuss and Green Days' latest. I love almost every track on both these albums. I highly recommend them both.
Sunday, August 21
- I'm financially secure and have a job I love and enjoy going to every day.
- I'm in a secure, committed relationship with the man I will eventually marry, someone who gets me.
- I paint regularly and have a room where I display my best pieces.
- I have a house surrounded by trees with great views and floor-to-ceiling windows
- I have an art/music room with easels and canvas set up as well as a state of the art surround sound system. I have a separate room which houses all my CDs.
- My family and I live within hours of each rather than in different time zones.
- I have both the i-pod mini and the i-pod shuffle.
That's like the magical price for most things in infomercial type ads.
They're selling this stuff for cleaning cat litter and carriers,etc. I don't know, the name just seems wrong to me. Completely ridiculous. But I don't own cats so I'm definitely not who they're trying to sell to. If you're a cat owner(or staff as some of my friends say they are to their cats), would you buy it?
Anyhoo, I'm starting to have some fun with it.
So there'll soon be changes galore. I'm going slowly cause I don't want to screw it up and lose stuff I want to keep.
We moved to my grandparents house during the last few months of his life. My Mom took care of him as he was bed-ridden for the last 4 months. It was hard seeing him just there unable to move around. Before he got sick, he was always up and about. He was very handy around the house and was always fixing things. He was a welder by trade.
As his illness progressed and he got weaker, the smell got stronger and stronger. The night he died was the worst, I think our bodies must start rotting from the inside when we die especially when your you are sick for a long time before.
The smell changed just after he died. So now every time I smell that old person smell, it makes me think of death.
This got me thinking about what I'd have in my alternate universe. This bears some thought. Stay tuned.
Saturday, August 20
[ ] I am bisexual or homosexual.
[ ] I've run away from home.
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[X] I open up to others easily.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own an I-Pod.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for hair/eyes.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[X] I paid for that cell phone ringtone.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[ ] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[ ] I bake well.
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie
[X] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with someone.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[X] I am self conscious.
[X] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[ ] I have many scars.
[X] I've been out of this country.
[X] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.(ONLY if I've seen it!)
[X] I am really ticklish.
[X] I see/have seen a therapist.
[X] I love chocolate.
[ ] I bite my nails.
[X] I am comfortable with being me.
[X] I play computer games/video games when i'm bored.
[X] Gotten lost in your city.
[ ] Saw a shooting star.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[X] I have kissed a stranger.
[X] Hugged a stranger.
[X] Been in a fight with the same sex.
[ ] Been arrested.
[ ] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[ ] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[ ] Swore at your parents.
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[ ] Played spin the bottle.
[X] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] Bitten someone.
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls.
[X] Gotten the chicken pox.
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car.
[ ] Been to Japan.
[X] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Been fired.
[X] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Gone on a blind date.
[X] Lied to a friend.
[X] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[X] Been to Europe.
[ ] Slept with a co-worker.
[ ] Been married.
[ ] Gotten divorced.
[X] Saw someone dying.
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been to Canada.
[X] Been on a plane.
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[X] Thrown up in a bar.
[ ] Eaten Sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing.
[X] Been ice skating.
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] Been to a motorcross show.
[X] Gone/Going to college.
[ ] Done hard drugs.
[X] Taken painkillers.
[ ] Cheated on someone else.
[X] Were so bored you took this survey.
[ ] Have a tattoo.
Friday, August 19
I recently went on the pill to try to control these awful cramps and I suppose it's helping cause usually I have 3 days of crippling pain that OTC pain killers are no match for. So I guess I should be thankful that it's been reduced to 1 day of agony (so far). I'm also one of the unlucky ones who get my monthly visitor for 7-8 days and I am usually very irregular. So I've been looking forward to having reduced days, regularity, and what I thought would be no more pain. Maybe I have to be on the pill for longer than a month for this to happen.
It sucks though cause no position is comfortable...not sitting, standing or lying down. Tried a hot water bottle but the pressure of it made the pain worse.
Took some Midol about an hour ago and it finally seems to be working. Thank God.
I worked almost 12h yesterday. Had stupid powerpoint slides (due today) to make for video conference next week. I should have started earlier in the day yesterday and put off the other stuff I did until today. So I didn't start my slides until 4pm and finished around 8pm.
At least I left early today, 4:45pm. It felt good not being the last car to leave the lot at work. I guess I have to find comfort in the little things.
Like chinese food. Had some tonight. I love chinese...it's my fav take out food and I have a special place to get it that's 5min drive from my apt. Very convenient. I'm a regular and tend to order only 2-3 different things. They usually recite my order to me as soon as I say "hello, I'd like a pick-up". It's kind of cool. They don't take my name but they know its me. I get there and they say, "Pick-up?". I answer, "Yes.", and my evening is complete. I could eat chinese take-out 4-5 days in a row before I get sick of it. Tonight it was - Hunan Chicken and Spare-Rib tips - delicious as usual.
Thursday, August 18
- I don’t do anything by half-measures and am very passionate about many things.
- I believe in destiny.
- I think I’m interesting, a little weird sometimes, definitely gifted (my college- roomies word) but never boring.
- I never want to be boring or ordinary or to be considered boring or ordinary.
- I have 2 middle names.
- I paint and draw and have been doing so most of my life but feel funny calling myself an artist.
- I love words and numbers.
- As a kid, I used to read the dictionary – mostly b/c my Mom would never tell me the meaning of words when I asked her, she’d say “go look it up”.
- I‘ve always wanted to be in a spelling bee but there weren’t any at the schools I attended.
- I love fill-it-in puzzles but am useless at crosswords.
- I’m addicted to text twist on yahoo.
- I sometimes think I’m too self-absorbed yet I tend to notice things about people that no one else does.
- I’ve very outgoing and friendly but I don’t need to be around people all the time.
- I love music, couldn’t imagine my life without it and I almost always have music playing - I think my life needs an ongoing soundtrack.
- I have CDs everywhere…in my car, my bedroom, living room and CD players in each room.
- I have over 150 CDs.
- The first cassette I bought was ‘the Violin Player’ by Vanessa Mae.
- I used to tape music off the radio and loved listening to ‘Casey Kasem’s top 40’ every week.
- I hardly ever listen to radio anymore but I do have all the music channels set as fav on my TV remote.
- My musical tastes are very eclectic and range from classical, celtic, pop, rock and punk to some mainstream country and jazz as well.
- I love singing and am often one of those people you see/hear singing out loud in their cars (yeah, VH-1s Motormouth wishes they could find me).
- I love libraries; they’re free no matter how much I borrow - I usually have at least 15 items checked out at a time. I join the library whenever I move to a new place.
- I love bookstores; but I find it very difficult to leave without buying something.
- I work long hours during the week and I usually read every night before bed.
- I don’t sleep enough – usually only 4-6h, a little more on weekends.
- I’m very curious about life and read almost anything; mostly fiction - I really enjoy espionage/mystery/contemporary romance genres.
- I believe in God and am religious as well as spiritual.
- I converted to Catholicism when I was 13.
- Neither of my parents are Catholic but my Mom was always very open about different faiths - believeing that God is everywhere and that he calls us in different places and ways.
- I believe that ghosts exist and that there are many things that exist beyond our human perception.
- I'm not sure about extra-terrestrials but who knows.
- I believe that some people are psychic but I don’t think any of them are on TV.
- I used to be a huge x-files geek aka an x-phile and watched it religiously for 7yrs.
- My family knew not to try to call/talk to me whenever a new x-file was on.
- I’ve seen many episodes 10 times or more.
- All actors who were main guest stars on the x-files remain that character to me no matter what I see them in later – like Peter Boyle will always be Clyde Bruckman to me.
- My latest TV obsession is Alias and I’m a fount of (useless) information about that as well.
- I own the last 3 seasons of Alias on DVD and if I could rationalise the expense I would also own most of the x-files as well on DVD - these I actually have on VHS.
- I’m a creature of habit and prefer to re-watch something I like than to watch something new which I consider boring.
- I’ve seen the following movies at least 5 times or more all the way through: the Matrix, Last of the Mohicans, Titanic, About a Boy, Starman, Where the Heart Is, the X-files-Fight the Future (you knew that was coming), 10 Things I Hate About You and Groundhog Day.
- I still enjoy cartoons; if you haven’t seen Kim Possible, I highly recommend it.
- I also enjoy Disney made-for-TV-movies and sitcoms even though I’m pretty sure that I’m not in the demographic they are trying to reach.
- I like animal planet especially shows with Jeff Corwin and the Croc Hunter.
- I’m 4’11 ½“ which I usually round up to 5’ (as it says on my license). It always seems as if everything is at least 2” out of reach.
- One perk of being short - I can stand up in the window seat on most planes (with clearance) and never have to worry about not enough legroom.
- If I could change one thing about my body, I’d be a couple inches taller.
- I love wooden furniture.
- I can and do wear jeans to work every day and only have to dress in business clothes 3-4 times a year when we have to give reviews to our managers.
- As a child, my favorite color was red and I remember having a couple pairs of red shoes.
- I still tend to choose red if asked to pick a color but I wear mostly blue.
- I got chicken pox when I was 22 and it was very unpleasant.
- In my family, I’m ‘the pharmacist’; I’m the one they call whenever they need medical advice - which is kind of funny b/c my Mom’s a nurse and even she calls me. This is also funny b/c these calls are long-distance or international.
- I was often sick as a child (asthma) and that’s when I started reading about side-effects and contraindications and dosages, etc. and not just for my medicines.
- I’m kind of a hypochondriac; I read too much about too many diseases and conditions but am usually able to convince myself that I’m actually ok – eventually.
- I’m slightly obsessed with dental hygiene and keep both toothbrush and floss at work (my co-workers make fun but I say “you can bring yours in too”).
- I usually have at least two different kinds of floss at home and at work.
- In my family, I’m the one least prone to drama – my friends find this hard to believe.
- I confess...I can be overly dramatic…sometimes.
- People only seem to listen to me and quote me, unfortunately, when I’m being facetious or ridiculous – they never want to repeat the things I’ve said that I consider insightful, more’s the pity.
- I sometimes say things just for effect.
- I have a very sensitive stomach and never leave home without my Tums and Lactaid pills
- I sometimes have gas-x as well.
- I am often late, occasionally early but rarely exactly on time.
- I’m a Celtophile – love celtic music (even the ones in Gaelic that I don't understand), jewelry and designs.
- I wish I could speak and read Gaelic; I can sing it a bit b/c of my CDs.
- I love snow, more so when I don’t have to drive through it.
- I didn’t apply for my driver’s license until I was 27.
- I like winter but not for more than 3 months - I think that winter should end after 3 months so that you can tell that spring happened before the heat of summer hits you.
- I hate cockroaches more than any other insect.
- I can tolerate spiders as long as they’re not as big as my hand and they don’t spin webs in my way.
- I like plants and I’ve always wanted a ficus tree though I’m not sure exactly why.
- I didn’t have any pets as a kid…well I had 3 fishes.
- I like cats and dogs but don’t like them to lick me.
- I don’t have any piercings or tattoos.
- I don’t mind if they’re on other people.
- I almost got my ears pierced on 6 different occasions during my teens but chickened out at the last moment each time.
- I don’t exercise as much as I should and sometimes wish I was one of those people who’d stay the same size regardless or was motivated enough to stick to a regular routine.
- If I thought I could get away with it, I’d die my hair red but I just don’t think it’d suit me. Either that or I would want to go back my natural dark brown the next day.
- I’m easily amused by people and things.
- I like watching infomercials but have never bought anything from them directly though I'm often tempted - I have bought some (useless) stuff from the 'As Seen on TV" stores in the mall.
- I have always wanted a remote-controlled model airplane.
- My eyelashes go in my eye fairly often (2-4/day) and one of my fears used to be that it would happen to me while driving – this has happened but I was able to pull over safely and fish them out…very scary.
- I love grocery shopping; I could literally spend hours there (I’ve only met one person who shares this love of mine – most people I know hate it).
- I'm sort of an elitist when it comes to tea, chocolate and chocolate chip cookies.
- I love the smell of fresh-baked goods especially bread and warm chocolate cake.
- I’m a tea drinker and have about 5 different kinds of tea in my cupboard. I don’t like coffee and I really don’t like the smell of fresh-brewed either.
- I usually keep that information to myself since most coffee drinkers tend to look at me suspiciously when they find out I don’t like it…similar to the look I know I give people who don’t like chocolate.
- I have a great collection of shot glasses from around the world.
- I also have a fair collection of key-chains.
- I buy cookbooks even though I don't use them often enough to justify having as many as I do.
- I’m a pretty good cook and am sort of a picky eater.
- I love the food network especially nigella bites, rachel ray and good eats.
- I don’t eat shellfish or raw (read rare) meat or fish and I hate pickles.
- I started watching Yankees baseball b/c of Derek Jeter about a year ago and I check baseball stats every day - baseball is all about stats and abbreviations.
- At first, Jeter was the only player I recognized on sight (without checking the number) but now I also recognize all the current Yankee players on sight as well as many players on teh teams they play...yes, I also recognize most of the Red Sox players as well.
- I love watching live hockey games.
- I’ve ice-skated twice; fell twice, now I’m not so sure about whether it’s my thing.
- When I go to a theme park I ride many roller coasters, all the while screaming like I’m about to die – wooden coasters are the worst. At the end of the day, I swear that I’m never going on another one again in life…until the next time. It’s weird, I admit it.
- I’m very cautious and not willing to take risks I consider unnecessary.
- So…I have no desire to skydive, bungee jump, parasail, or try any other extreme sports with one exception – wish I could do skateboard tricks on ramps, they look really cool.
- It took me 4 days to make this list (this doesn't really count so I guess it's just 100).
Wednesday, August 17
1. Where's your favorite spot in the world and why?
This was kind of hard for me to answer. There're still many places in the world I have yet to see and experience.
For now, I have a tie - I grew up in a small town 10 minutes from the ocean and there was a small bay we'd go to almost every day during the summer when school was out. The sea breezes were wonderful and there was an almond tree nearby for climbing, to lean against and for shade.
My other spot is not a particular spot exactly. I love fall and there are so many beautiful trees around my neighborhood at that time, I just love walking and taking it all in.
2. Do you have a driving passion in your life? If so, what is it?
Yes. Food. I love learning about the preparation and origin of foods from different places and cultures. My family is mainly from several different Caribbean islands and the foods in each have similarities and differences. I grew up watching my grandma and Mom cooking; sometimes my uncles would also prepare dishes when we had family gatherings. I guess I always felt welcome in the kitchen whether or not I was helping. I love the smells of a well-run kitchen. I talk about food often, the preparation, why I prefer certain types over others, etc. I also watch a lot of food network-it’s my default channel on TV. I love eating a well-prepared meal especially when I don't have to do the dishes :)
I'm a pretty good cook and I used to cook more often than I do lately. I used to prepare 3-4 dishes on the weekends (usually 4-5 servings each) and then freeze them in portions so that I could have a variety of meals for lunch and dinner during the week. I'd been doing this for almost 2yrs and realized that I was exhausted, all-cooked-out, I guess. Then I lived on microwave dinners for a couple months and have been slowing working back into it.
3. If you could change any one thing about your life, what would it be?
I'd have a job I enjoyed going to every day where I could make enough so that I wouldn't have to worry about money. I wouldn't have to rely on credit cards or worry about retirement.
I have a good job I guess but I don't always want to go to it and I don't make enough, maybe I'm too materialistic. Plus there are risks that are unavoidable and accidents happen when you least expect even when you work as safely as possible.
4. What's your biggest fear? Why?
My biggest fear used to be that I'd die young, before I reached 30. I'm asthmatic and during my teens I used to have to go the hospital for treatment 2-3 times a year. Once when I had to stay overnight, I thought I would die then for sure. After that time, the fear was not as bad, I guess I just accepted that I had no control over whether I would die young or not. It wasn't up to me. In my early 20s, I had much better control of my asthma and so now I'm not that anxious about dying anymore.
Now, my biggest fear is something I don't really want to write or think about. In general terms, I worry that if something happened to any of my close family, I live so far away, and I wouldn't be able to help them if they needed me.
5. Is there anything guaranteed to make you smile? What is it?
My older sis and my Mom, we're always laughing. Sometimes about nothing. We talk on the phone weekly and it’s hilarious.
And if YOU want to play the interview game, here are the directions:
1. If you want to participate, leave a comment saying "Interview me". ("Tickle me" or "Caress me" are not acceptable substitutes.) You must leave your blog address so that I can think of good questions for you.
2. I will respond by asking you five questions - each person's will be different. I'll post the questions in the comments section of this post.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to my questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in your post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
Ready. Set. Go.
Tuesday, August 16
For example, I have over 30 key chains. This was unintentional, mostly friends and family get them for me when they travel and my collection includes some from Panama, Costa Rica, The Black Sea, Australia, Las Vegas to name a few.
I also have an impressive collection of shot glasses which I started back in college and I now have about 40 distinct ones from many different cities and countries. I encourage my friends and family to get me one whenever they travel and I pick one up whenever I do...I fly a lot since most of my family live outside of the US.
I also collect quotes...from books, movies, billboards, tea boxes (celestial seasonings have lots of quotes on their tea boxes).I save ticket stubs from concerts, movies, plays, hockey games, magazine or newspaper clippings...I have most of these in a scrap book. Not a real scrapbook (I say this b/c my sis is an expert at real scrap booking) but just a notebook I've had for years and keep adding to. I also make note of dates and people next to the stubs...like who I went with or who starred in it, etc. I often read through it and it's like taking a trip down memory lane. Not all are great or happy memories...I have a stub from a day cruise that was a disaster...well not really, but that's when I found out just how big a jerk this guy that I was interested in was...so it wasn't a total waste I guess.
I also seem to collect people as well. Wherever I go, I always seem to meet people who become part of my life. Some only occupy a small space... like the tiny ticket stub from the bargain cinema...and others take up 2-3 pages like the newspaper clipping I have about the last time the Hale-Bopp comet had its closest encounter with Earth.
I thought about writing this down after I read Ann's post tonight. The quote by Brian Weiss is one of many in my scrapbook and its from his book "Messages from the Masters". It got me thinking about collections. And destiny...which I strongly believe exists. I'm not sure how much effect we have on own destiny but I do think that we affect the destiny of others...by our relationships/reactions/responses/neglect...if that makes any sense.
Another quote that comes to mind:
"The incentive is to treat every second of your existence as a possible assignment from God. Everything you do, if you're a physicist or a caregiver, is equally important in the eyes of God."
From Jasmine by Bharati Mukherjee.
Somewhat unrelated to this...I started writing that '100 things about me' and maybe I'm not half as interesting as I thought because I have 56 so far... and can't think of anything else. But I've only been at it for 2 days now so maybe I just need more time.
Sunday, August 14
Now I'm sort of a random artist. I paint and draw but lately it only happens sporadically and usually is the result of some extreme emotion I'm having. Like when I'm depressed or very happy. And now I need to actually see an object to be able to reproduce it to my satisfaction.
I did some of the pictures here during art classes I took while in college. I really enjoyed them. I majored in a practical science which I use in my job and which pays the bills. If I was indepently wealthy, I'd go back to school and get my BS in Fine Arts, then MS in Art Conservation and travel the world restoring old paintings for museums and collectors. Who knows, the MS in Art Conservation may happen eventually.
I prefer to work wih acrylics, pencil and pastels. Usually depends on what I'm working on. I have also used charcoal, done some calligraphy and prefer either landscapes or geometric abstracts. Sometimes I start a piece which doesn't get finished for months. If I had to make my living this way, I'd probably starve :).
I've moved all of my art to a flickr site. Click the flickr link on my sidebar to see them.
- England (been several times b/c my sis lives here)
- Ireland (April 2004 - planning to go back someday)
- San Francisco (May 2005)
- Las Vegas
- Grand Canyon
Saturday, August 13
Right now, I've got a couple bars of cadbury's with hazelnuts (from the UK-yeah cause US Cadbury's taste weird to me), ferrero rocher, ghiradelli dark, lindt's dark and crunch. Like I said, I like to have a supply on hand cause my mood for choc varies and sometimes I want nuts or dark or both. I feel very unsettled when I run out - I have made a midnight choc run to the 24hr grocery so it better when its on hand.
Anyway, back to my point, I did sort of have one when I started this - somedays are so bad that not even chocolate is enough. It's like a calvin & hobbes cartoon I once read where calvin says to hobbes "somedays even wearing my lucky rocketship underwear doesn't help". That's how I've felt this past week. It's tough being single especially when most of your friends are coupled up. You get to be the 3rd wheel at their parties. And everyone knows how fun that can be. When you meet new guys who seem interesting, they mention their significant other and I think - ok moving on. Soon you realize that the only single guy there is the weird one who they invite only out of habit who isn't even the least bit interesting to talk to. I'm great at small talk usually but at some of these parties I feel like I'm in a room by myself. Not sure if that makes any sense.
...Found out that vanilla ice-cream with choc chips with added crushed choc from my supply almost helps.
It's cool to see the way other people think, and its great because you come out of yourself (if only for a moment) and sort of experience someone else's life for a short time. Almost like when I read a great book and get caught up in the story.
Was inspired to start my own blog after reading some of ann's attitude at http://annangel.blogspot.com. Really interesting stuff.