Tuesday, February 28

February's Book Journeys

To Die For...Linda Howard
Really Unusual Bad Boys...MaryJanice Davidson
The Feeling Good Handbook...David Burns, M.D.
Comfort and Joy...Kristin Hannah

Monday, February 27

missionary man

Listening to: Missionary Man...The Eurythmics

The lyrics to this song are so funny. I've always loved this song I was listening to it in the car about a month ago and that's the first time I realized she was singing "there's a woman in the jungle and a monkey on a tree...the missionary man, he was following me".
I have no idea what this really means but it cracks me up everytime I hear that part of the song now :)

The cool kids

Should have stayed at home today. Our hoods were up and down most of the day. When the hoods are "down" they alarm so they were going off all day. The alarms are good cause it lets us know that the hoods aren't doing their job(pulling fumes away) but annoying and the air quality in the lab was very poor.

Felt better this morning than yesterday and better tonight than this morning. Still sneezing and coughing but not anything like yesterday.

With the hoods and how I was feeling earlier today I did very little. Plus had class today. Being the ultimate procrastinator I am, by noon I had yet to do the 2 lit. reviews that were due today (even though we no class last week). I had more than enough time but just kept putting it off. Got them done just before I had to leave for class at 4. One was done well and the other only half-assed. But at least it was done. I guess it was good that I went to work even though I wasn't feeling 100% b/c there's no way I would have gotten the lit. reviews done or probably even gone to class. And then I would have felt bad b/c the class costs a lot of money. Probably not to my company but a lot of money to me - more than 1mths rent - so I want to get the most out of it and not waste the opportunity even though they're paying, not me.

E and I car-pooled and I drove with no mishaps (near accidents). The sun was out when we left work so I had my Rx sunglasses on. All well and good except that we were already a couple min late by the time we got to the door of class. That's when I realized that I'd forgotten to change my sunglasses for my regular ones. Too late to go back for them. So I just had to deal. Everyone was looking and kept looking. At first I thought - why are they staring at me - then I realized, I'm wearing sunglasses indoors...at night. But what else could I do. I couldn't even see my notbook without them on furthermore the slides on the screen.

Before class E and I were chatting about how we're always late. Sometimes my fault, sometimes hers, we forget things, like notebooks and have to go back for them or get caught up in lab. Anyhoo, we're usually 2-3min late. We were saying that we're the cool kids anyway so it's ok that we always make an entrance. So tonight, E said that now everyone else knew just how cool we are :)

Sunday, February 26

grey's anatomy

Every week, I promise myself that I'm going to bed early sun night. That I'll tape grey's anatomy and watch it mon night instead. And every week, like tonight I'm up, can't resist, tape it, and watch it live anyway. Going to bed right after though.
Had a nap this evening.

Feeling better than earlier. My nose is red (which is kind of a feat with my brown skin). I've gone through a whole box of tissues but I think most of that gak is out of my system. My mom and sis both thought I sounded awful. I'm quite hoarse - par for the course for me. I seem to get hoarse at the slightest hint of a cold.

Off to watch grey's anatomy :)

I'm sick

Skipped choir & church this morning. Didn't sleep well last night again. Coughing makes my chest hurt something awful. Luckily not coughing very often. Sinuses and nasal passages are all clogged. The semi-good news is that I have been blowing my nose and sneezing often...so all this 'stuff' is at least coming out of my body.

Figured I should keep these germs contained in my apt instead of spreading around to the church-goers :) No fever though and sore throat is gone. Good b/c most likely I don't have freakin strep again. Feels like a bad cold is all. Must get decent sleep tonight. I know lack of sleep isn't helping my immune system recover any faster. Might try to take a few naps today early. I should have napped yesterday but couldn't and also couldn't sleep at night either. I am shattered.
Armed with my box of tissues, I'm hanging out on my futon, sorting through all the paper/junk mail/bills...deciding what must be shreded/recycled. Actually down to one final box and have most things organized in a cool file-box I got at Staples. I feel kinda fuzzy now so maybe I'll stop for a while and try to nap.

Saturday, February 25

just for laughs

Just saw really funny skits on "Just For Laughs Gags" on BBC America. Grown men running from fake spider - of course they were shown real one first, then the old switcheroo, very funny.

Hidden Gems

Listening to: God of Wine...Third Eye Blind (3EB)

Haven't listened to 3EB in a long time. I really love this song. I think it's my fav 3EB song. Other faves are 'Jumper' and 'How's it gonna be'. I also really like several on their "Blue" album-Slow Motion(instrumental guitar piece) is my current fav followed closely by 'deep inside of you' and 'never let you go'.

I discovered 'darwin' recently after owning this CD for years (I only listened to the ones made popular on the radio). Some CDs I buy and listen to every song and love almost all of them-like Green Day's American Idiot and both of Avril Lavigne's albums.
Others like Simple Plan grow on me over time. At first I only liked 'welcome to my life' and 'addicted'. Now they're no longer my faves. I made a mix of both their albums "Still Not Getting Any & No pads, no helmets...just balls" and have been playing it every day in the car for weeks now. So many cool songs; some for angry moments...when I'm just frustrated at everyone & everything...sad moments...moments when I just feel like rocking out/singing out loud and dancing.
Top ones are:
Jump(listened to most)...One Day...Shut Up!...Thank You...Crazy...The Worst Day Ever...God Must Hate Me...Grow Up...Promise
Both albums have grown on me or maybe it's just that I can relate to them more now.

I think it's kind of cool to re-discover songs on CDs I've owned for yrs. Some I never listen to, sticking only with the songs I bought the CD for. So it's nice to go back sometimes and just listen to a CD all the way through-never know-you may find a gem :)

Now listening to: Could I Be You...Matchbox 20

Blogging...risky but worth it

I think one of my friends may have stumbled on my blog. At first I wasn't sure if I was ok with this. Then I thought about it. This friend knows me really well. And I probably say enough here that if someone really knew me, they would recognize me here. At least I hope so. I hope random strangers/aquaintances don't recognize me.

That's the risk I took when I decided to start a blog...and publish it...and reveal details of my life. But it's all me and it really helps to get it out, so I guess it's ok.

muscle cramps, doctors and dogs

Woke up this morning and my left leg was cramping something awful. I could hardly move it. It took about 10 min before the muscles relaxed. Normally my response to this would be to wonder what was wrong with me now? Then I'd probably look it up online. Then maybe consider going to my docotr. But now, it's different. I don't want to call the doctor. Cause I think that even if my symtoms are legit she'll just think I'm nuts, that it's all in my head Or due to my anxiety. Even though I have been on tons of medication for my asthma and some of the symtoms that I was having were due to that, not just to anxiety. I think it made me worry even more. Her bringin up the anxiety thing in the way that she did. Now I don't know how I feel about going to her anymore. A month ago, I got this weird letter/invoice from my health ins saying something about me owing for my last appointment. I ignored this letter b/c
1) it didn't have the co-pay I paid for the visit in question on it.
2) it just didn't make sense to me.

Yesterday I got a letter from the doctor's office saying some nonsense about me owing $18.88 for something called "established patient expanded" WTF? My ins requires a co-pay for each visit to doctor's office. A different co-pay for mental health care. I'm in an EPO so I can go to any doc with/without a referral. I don't understand what the hell this means. Why should I pay more now than before? These are all questions I need to call and ask. I just couldn't face it this week.

I wonder if I just got a new doc if this crap would still happen. I could do it if I wanted to. my health plan allows it. I like my doc. Well I used to before but now, I'm just not so sure. Will she take me seriously anymore? Or will she assume that any/all my symtoms are due to anxiety and therefore should be ignored or treated with anxiety medication? This has been bothering me for some time.
Even my psychologist after reviewing the dosages and medications I was on thought that the spasms I was having could have been due to the meds not mainly b/c of anxiety. Will have to deal with this next week.

Definitely have some kind of cold or something. Maybe it's an allergy. I don't know. I've had a dry cough for most of the day. Funnily enough, while I was at C&T's tonight around their 3 big dogs, no coughing. Very weird. I petted a different one tonight, the one who does these drive-by-lickings (she walks up to me slyly, then licks my hand and quickly walks away, stops, turns back to look at me-it's the oddest thing). The one who growled at me the last time I was there, he jumped on me several times tonight or tried to anyway. Also smelled my butt and tried to hump my leg. Dogs. And he's a whole lotta dog too. Very healthy german shepherd. tonight was fun, they're a really cool couple and I always have fun at their place.

The party last weekend was boring. Well, I was bored. I think most of the other people there were having fun. Most people were talking shop and they're mostly in a different field from me so much of it didn't make sense to me. Plus there was only red wine(which I don't like) and the beer they had wasn't to my taste. I had most of one cup of said beer and stuck with water for the rest of the time. So I was bored for hrs without even a buzz to carry me through. Did meet a couple interesting people but that was near the time we were leaving so didn't get to chat for long. But that was ok, b/c by that time I just wanted to get to bed.

It's official

After years of easily resisting the whole american idol (AI)craze, of feeling superior to the viewers(losers)who tuned in for every show and voted and talked about it incessantly. I have become one of those losers. Yup, it's true.

I went over to a couple of my married friends for dinner tonight. T was saying that she'd watched AI for one season but has gotten over it now and that she never got into the whole survivor craze. I have still been able to resist watching survivor, so she said that at least I could (still) feel superior about that :)

Wednesday, February 22

America, Meet Ace Young

American Idol
Let me just say that Ace Young can be my "father figure" anytime anywhere. That's the song he sang tonight and boy was I feeling it. In fact, he can just be mine. That'll work for me.

If you don't watch the show, I'm not encouraging you to do so. However, do go to the site and check this guy out-Ace Young, people, the next American Idol? Maybe. He can sing. He got the looks, sex appeal and charisma up-the-ying-yang.

I think I like the guys on american idol more. I just love this guy. I'm so into the show tonight that I'm actually going to call in and vote. Imagine! Never thought I would ever do that. Didn't have any desire to vote for the girls last night. Not quite sure what that says about me :p oh well.

Tuesday, February 21

good chili on a cold night

Watching american idol (after Dr. Know ended of course). Let me just say that sometimes, Paula Abdul makes feel like gagging-the stuff she says. I guess it's better than Simon's "you were horrible/forgetable" which he said to most of the girls tonight.

Made big pot of chili tonight. Along with some PastaRoni - yum-my.

Was talking to a guy who used to work in our dept. He now works in a different dept and is much happier. He and I were comparing stories about our previous crap supervisors/crap evaluation system/hr dept that is not there for us but is only a front to get ppl hired-that's where their role ends as far as we're concerned. I felt very upset after our bitch-fest, bringing all that back to the forefront of my mind.
Then I was in one of the instrument rooms and a guy was saying that he doesn't trust ppl who smile all the time. He went on to say that ppl don't like/trust ppl that are happy all the time. I smile a lot. Not for other ppl but for me, it keeps my mood level, reduces chances of wrinkles,etc. Anyhoo, I told him that just b/c I chose to smile often, it didn't mean that I was happy all the time. WTF is up with some people? Then he said that he tries to educate the younger generation - his philosophy being that you should act/look like you're pissed off all the time. Then when something good happens you can be truly happy. Such shit. He also said that not many ppl take his advice. I told him that his spiel needs work, not very convincing.

With all this stuff, I was not in the best of moods as I was leaving work. Then a bright spot. I was just going out the door and at the same time my friend E was coming in, so we said quick bye, I just wanted to get out of there. As I stepped out, Sam was just coming through. So I stopped and we chatted a little [I'm suddenly not in such a rush]. I may have given myself away there. Haven't spoken about my interest in Sam to anyone (even though I've told potentially the entire globe on the blog :). I don't know if E stopped or noticed anything different. I only had eyes for you-know-who. I have it bad. I hope he asks me out soon. Else I may have to take the initiative and do the asking. I've done the asking before with mixed success.

Went to the music store as a pick-me-up. I love browsing/buying music. Haven't been in ages. Spent almost 2hrs looking and listening. Set my spending limit at $20. Went just over with tax so not bad. Was walking to my car and it was covered with white, fluffy stuff. Yes, snow :)

It's been such a strange winter. Warm, then cold, then really cold. Some snow but no where near the amount we usually get or with the normal frequency. By now, we'd have had 4 or 5 fairly large snowstorms. Not that I'm complaining. It's strange now everytime it snows b/c you could almost forget that's it's winter. No huge snow "mountains" at the side of the roads from the constant plowing. Grass is green, that's how infrequent the snow has been and how warm the temperature. Just really odd.

Monday, February 20

Gotta love PAs

Since I switched to lower dosage advair (down to 250/50 from the 500/50), I've still needed to use my albuterol inhaler 6-7 times a week. So I called and they had an opening late so I took it, cause my allergy/asthma doc had said that I should probably consider getting the allergy shots (immunotherapy) if this happened.

So I went in today and saw one of the Physician Assistants (PAs). She was really good. Learned several things today.
1)I've lost 4lbs since my last visit on Jan 6th. Neat huh?
2)I don't need to count the times I use my inhaler before/during exercise only at other times. I didn't know this. So really, if I take out the times I've used my inhaler for exercise, it's more like 4 times/week which isn't bad really. Also, my peak flow numbers were consistent with my last visit and were really good (90% and higher). She actually showed me the numbers and explained some of them. No one had done this before and it was cool, helped my peace of mind.

She said I should check with my health ins to make sure the shots are covered and then call the office. They have a daily schedule where you just show up, sign-in, and get your shots. You also have to wait there at least 20min after the shot in case you get a really bad allergic reaction.

She thinks that I'll probably have to get 4 shots. Each time. At least a few of them are combined (like the pollens are together and the dust mites are together). Since I'm allergic to everything they tested me for practically, I'm looking at probably 6-9mths of weekly shots, then biweekly. Fun huh? The nurse who took my height/blood pressure/temp/etc. was looking at my chart - she goes - you're allergic to...almost everything, well...you can get a dog or cat or cockroach but you have major reactions to everything else, at this she laughed(at her own wit I guess) EEWWWWW! A cockroach, the most disgusting insect ever. Who "gets" a cockraoch intentionally? Seriously?

Another reason I love PAs is that they seem to be the only ones listening to me. When I needed antibiotics cause I had way-more-than-just-a-cold last year, it was a PA who finally prescibed the antibiotics/chest x-ray. I felt like no one else was taking me seriously. Again today, I've been complaining about the flonase that I currently have to take cause I've been having nosebleeds, which are annoying as well as inconvenient. So I havent' been taking the flonase regularly. Now, the nasal drip is back and I had the worst stomachache last night b/c of it. Flonase is what usu gets rid of the nasal drip. Anyhoo, she gave a sample of rhinocort and also wrote Rx for it for me. It's doesn't irritate as much as flonase does and also less of it is absorbed that most of the others.

Another good thing, she asked me how I wanted the Rx written up. My health ins has a mail-in service where I can get 3 mths supply for the price of two on any medicines i need as long as the Rx says so. Usually I foget to ask them to do this, so it was great that she offered. I even asked her to redo a Rx I already have to dispense 3 so that I could also get the savings with it. To get an idea of the kind of money I spend on meds, last year I put $300 in my flex spend health account in March. By Oct, I'd used it all already. Most of my Rx are brand name with no generic equivalent which means $20-$40 a pop.

Gotta love PAs.

Saturday, February 18

This week wasn't all bad

This past week wasn't all bad. Did have a nice chat with Sam yesterday, went for a visit to his lab. I am happy that I was able to talk to him for about 15 min coherently without sounding like a spas. This means that my crush has entered the next stage.

The soup was much better today, added more water and let it simmer a bit more, yummy :)

Last night I didn't turn my alarm on, wanted to sleep in. Still got at 6am though but that was ok cause I was able to take my asthma meds and went back to sleep until 10am. Read and had a leisurely breakfast. Then was all business. Did major furniture-moving cleaning of my entire apt, dusting and everything. Then I washed my hair. Washing my hair is usu an event and one which I delay for as long as I can. The actual washing takes 15 min but then I have to apply product, blowdry and flat-iron it section-by-section. This takes some time. Less time that it used to with my cool hairdryer and flat iron. Luckily, my hair can last at least a week before it gets disgusting(I don't think other people notice it but I do). Anyhoo, decided to get it done and I feel pretty good about today.

Barely 5pm and I've done much more than I planned yesterday when I wasn't in the mood to do anything this weekend. Was going to go to the gym but I think all the moving and vacuuming definitely counts as exercise. Had a silly accident. I was tightening some bolts on my coffee table and as I was turning it over it hit me in the lip. My lip's a wee bit swollen but at least the skin wasn't cut. Thought of putting ice on it but all the cleaning I forgot. I'm going ouot to find something for the party tonight. Have a couple ideas but I have to see what the stores have.

Friday, February 17

I worried myself out a good night's sleep

Last night I didn't sleep much, tossed and tunred for most of the night. Got in bed at 11pm but still wasn't able to settle. I doubt I got more than an hr or two altogether.

Probably b/c I spent last night worrying about money. I was thinking about bills that would need to be paid with my next payck, then wondering if I'd have enough to cover what had to be paid.
I usu spend most of 1 payck at end of the month on rent/ins, then use next payck for everything else. Did some calculations...and panicked. Worried about how I'd find the money to cover one extra bill until the payck after the one coming up.

I continued to worry about this today until about luchtime.

All this worrying I did and the sleep I probably lost b/c of said worrying - these are clear signs that I have a problem. How I know this? I thought my next pay period was next Fri, then was calculating bills, etc. from that date. So imagine my surprise and immense relief to find a pay ck in my mailbox at work today around lunchtime.

I'm fear that I am insane. Ok maybe not insane but certainly not entirely sane either.

Basically, I'm fine and will be able to pay everything on time. Why didn't I double check the date of my last payck to make sure? We get paid every 2wks. I don't know? Why didn't I just stop worrying b/c worrying wouldn't have changed the outcome? I don't know that either?

I do know that I'm afraid of being completely honest about everything with my therapist. Why? There might be an intervention to have me committed. This is my fear. This is probably not going to happen. I realize this. I'm not a danger to society. Clearly this is a fear I need to let go of. But how? I'm afraid to ask her this question.

I know that most of the stuff that I worry about is unlikely. I know. Yet I worry.

Supposed to be rainy and cold

It's supposed to be rainy and cold this weekend. I've another party tomorrow night-mardi gras this time.
I'm staying in tonight. Made some veggie split peas soup(yes we say split peas not split pea :) with cornmeal dumplings. Haven't made dumplings in a looong time. My friend E and her bf cook together a lot and the other day they made herb dumplings. Since she told me about that meal they had, I've been in the mood for dumplings- like my granma used to make. She made the best soups and several different kinds of dumplings. Most of the soups I grew up eating were pea-based and rich and thick. This is the kind of soup I prefer. Plus, I looked through my cupboards and realized I had 3 lbs of split peas. So I figured this would be a great time to make use of some of them. So in they went with a random assortment of veggies from my fridge and just dropped the dumplings in (they always go in last as they onnly take 10-15 min to cook). Hope it comes out good. Going for a taste now :)

Thursday, February 16

Another crappy day

Crappy day at work. Our group leader makes me nervous, I don't know why exactly but he hovers sometimes and of those are the only times I make mistakes-some small, some big. When he not over my shoulder, I can do stuff right. I make mistakes with things I do and have done dozens of times. This makes me anxious. Trying to change my way of thinking-it's not the end of the world if I make a mistake or don't do things perfectly everytime. In other words, only reacting as much as a situation warrants and not not automatically going into flight-or-fight mode for almost everything. This is harder than it seems.

Little Britain

OMG, Little Britain on BBC America is so funny. So glad they finally started showing the new season. When I was in England over Christmas break, we watched loads of it. They had mini-marathons, probably to usher-in the new season.
If you enjoy Brit humor and you haven't seen this, you might want to check it out. Most of the skits feature these two guys who have no shame about their bodies at all. It's on quite late 1130-1230 but I taped it and am watching it tonight. I like most of the skits, some of fav characters are Dafydd-the only gay in the village, Vikki-who talks a mile a minute(I watch this with captions on :) and Linda-the guidance counsellor(who uses the most offensive yet funny ways to describe the students). Another fav of mine is this guy dressed up as a woman(obviously a man) who keeps telling everyone "I'm a lady!" You'd have to see them to understand. Then there's the "Fat Fighters" skit. Too funny. Be prepared-most of this show is not politically correct in any way.

I could try to explain more but watching would be much funnier than anything I could describe. My sisters and I spent most of our holiday going "Yeah, I know" and "Ah don't like it" (in Andy's accent). Hilarious (my Mum got kind of sick of it(us?) though but that didn't stop us).

Wednesday, February 15

Stargate SG-1

Had to remove this to fix alignment stuff on my sidebar

v-day post

I had a v-day post but after re-reading I decided not to post it. Instead, take a look at this site that show's origin of St Valentine/Day.

Sam-the not-so-new-guy

Everytime I see Sam(the not-so-new-guy), I get the strangest feeling, like I'm suddenly warm all over. I'm in complete crush mode.

Almost got to talk to him (just us) today but my friend E came up to me at the same time and she was really frustrated about this instrument she's in charge of maintaining and needed to vent about it. She's my friend and I want to be there for her-that's what friend's are for- usually. But I kinda wished she chosen another moment. As it was, he walked past and smiled and said "hi ladies." And I was going in the opposite direction anyway, so I told E to walk with me so she could tell me all about it. Did talk to him several times today. I needed a chemical, so I checked our internal inventory and it was in his lab. I was excited-a legit reason to visit(sort of). Anyhoo, luckily, the guy I needed the chemical from wasn't at his bench :) so I walked over and chatted with Sam a bit then he helped me find it. So sweet right? Usually I never look for stuff for other people, I just let them look on their own, most people do the same as I do. So it was kind of nice of him.

I think he's interested. My radar with guys is so off. With other people, I just know, I can tell within a short time what the deal is. With myself it's hard and I'd like to trust my instincts but when it comes to men, my instincts...stink!

Tuesday, February 14

Dr. Know

My new fav show is "Dr. Know" on Discovery Health. Tonight's show was testing the myth of the five-second rule. Apparently food dropped on a well-trafficked sidewalk picks up less e.coli bacteria than food that falls on your carpet or in your kitchen. I don't follow the 5-sec rule. when I was a kid, yeah, sure I did. But now I wouldn't even think of it. And after seeing this ep, I'm really glad that I don't anymore.

I like this show better than "The Mythbusters". Those guys always seem to be testing the most obscure myths, most I've never heard of. With "Dr. Know", he tests stuff you know about and have wondered about. Like tonight was 'men are better drivers than women' and then 'are women better at making observsations'. The way he tested this was kinda cool. He had an obstacle course and at the end they had to stop as close as possible to these cones without hitting them. In case you are wondering - No, men are not better drivers than women; Women are better at making observations.

Another thing he tested was 'dog's mouths are cleaner than humans'. They found that there was bacteria in both but much more in the dog's mouth and different kinds in dogs that weren't in humans. This vet they interviewed said he never lets dogs lick him if he can help it. He also said he wouldn't let a human lick him either :)
The next myth was 'Dog's saliva could be used as antiseptic'. They tested both and both human and dog saliva have antiseptic properties but not enough to kill all the bacteria present.
At the party on Sat, they have a dog there and several of them were letting her lick them all over their face. as I've said before, I don't licking. So I had to keep getting up off the chair cause she's a small dog (cute) and kept crawling over all of us and licking everyone she was on. So of course, I wanted to far away from that.

Had another appt with my psychologist today. She asked what I thought of the 1st session we had. I told her that it left me wondering if I was crazy or not. She said, "OH you're not crazy, far from it. you just need help dealing with some of your anxiety." That's sort of the conclusion I'd come to myself but it was great hearing her say it. I told her about my blog. I wasn't sure what she'd think about it. But she thought it was good, a positive thing. The time just flew by. She thinks I'm making good progress though. I feel much better about the whole therapy thing. Less ambivalent.

Monday, February 13

A few pics from the Fiesta

The Pinata

Me hitting the pinata (with a loud "hiii-yyyya")

The Dead Pinata

Sombrero air hockey

A closer look at "Pedro"

I think it's safe to say that a great night was had by all.

Mexican Fiesta

Had a blast at the party Sat. Several people asked me why have a mexican Fiesta now? Why not in May for Cinco de Mayo? The truth is that they just felt like doing it. Plus an excuse to drink magaritas and have a pinata, why not right?
Will post pics. One of the guys went all out and came dressed in a poncho, huge sombrero (which he decorated himself with chiles and flag) and a mustache. We had to use our assigned Spanish names for the night (yeah we had name tags but mine kept falling off so I was both Conchita/Elena for most of the evening.
We played pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey. Not quite sure how that tied into the Mexican evening but it was fun. Adults playing this game = hilarious.
We all took turns hitting the pinata until it was decapitated. So funny to watch, so fun to do. Oh and one of the hosts found this hilarious pinata song online which they played on repeat while we hit the pinata.
We also sang some Spanish kareoke. What this really means is that we sang "la bamba" and "oye como va". After the 4th rendition of "la bamba" we'd had enough of the kareokeing. We played several other games, some sillier than others but all fun.

Just watching "Head Over Heels" a Freddy Prince Jr. movie. Silly movie but still worth watching, some hysterical bits throuhgout.

Friday, February 10

Funny but scary

Watched the Colbert Report(repeat of last night's show. The only thing scarier than Colbert's makeup in his 'music video' was the dancing. Funny yes, but scary all the same.

Thursday, February 9

Tagged: Four ...

I've been tagged by Jennifer

Four jobs I’ve had:

1) Doctor's receptionist
2) Cashier/supervisor at a bakery
3) Administrative Clerk
4) Book re-shelver at library(yes me too :)

Four movies I’d watch on repeat:

1) About A Boy
2) Good Will Hunting
3) Where The Heart Is
4) Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban

Four TV shows I love:

1) Alias
2) Grey's Anatomy
3) Bones
4) The Colbert Report

Four vacation spots I’d love to frequent:

1) Ireland
2) Hawaii
3) Paris
4) Trinidad(it's home - but if I could afford it I'd go back more often)

Four websites I visit daily (among many others):

1) imdb.com
2) statcounter.com
3) news.bbc.co.uk
4) several blogs

Four radio talk shows I love:

I don't listen to talk radio.

Four foods I lust for:

1) German/French/Irish/Italian chocolates
2) Any combination of chocolate mousse, ganache and/or choc cake
3) Chicken Roti and other Trini foods
4) Chocolate-chip cookies

Four changes to my house: (changes I want and don't have)

1) Someone to do laundry and light cleaning :)
2) More space for my music and books (an entire room just for this)
3) Music/art studio
4) Full freezer(I'd be able to buy/cook more food and stock up for the days when I don't feel like cooking)

Four beers I like:

1) Michelob Ultra
2) Michelob
3) Molson Canadian(light)
4) Fosters

Four artists I like: (Going with artists instead of musicians)

1) M.C. Escher
2) Seurat
3) Mary Cassatt
4) Claude Monet

Four tags:

No tags :)

Nextel ads and other stuff

There's a nextel ad on tv where these guys are doing the funniest hip-shaking I've ever seen to Salt-N-Pepa's "Push It" and there's a guy with a boombox. One guy comes in and acts all serious like - why are you dancing when so much stuff is undone, etc. then they stop, use their walkie-talkies to show him that everything's under control. Then boombox guy turns the music back on and they start 'dancing' again. Makes me laugh every time I see it.

Yesterday had usual biweekly group meeting (1h) where I had to talk about all my crap reactions that haven't worked during the last 2 weeks. Our group leader is thinking of reassigning a couple of the higher priority targets I've been having trouble with. I feel incompetent b/c I'm doing the best I can but the reactions are just not working well and I've done this particular series of reaction 5 times now. Still not pure enough or just not the right compound. Just crap and more crap. So frustrating. So I said I'd give it one more shot, then if I still couldn't get it, then he could reassign them. I really want to get them done though. He's working on similar targets and although he too is having trouble with them and really low yields, he's still getting enough to ship.
There is a fair amount of pressure to ship compounds as often as possible, at least one or 2 every couple weeks. My last shipment was 3wks ago so I'm more than due. Should have stayed a little later tonight so I could set up a reaction but I just didn't want to be there any longer and I knew it would take me at least 30min to get the reaction up and running. For one thing, I had to run a couple tests on the material I had use to make sure it was pure enough, then it's a reaction which has to be free from oxygen(degassed) and that always takes time to do. I felt kind of bad leaving but I just had to get out of there. As it was I left at 530p and all the guys from my lab had left already and we're not supposed to work in the lab alone. Although we still do on occassion, it's not really safe.

Also had a deptmental meeting right after our group one on Wed with VP of our dept that went on for 3hrs. Torture. Lots and lots of slides with lots and lots of numbers and many, many, too many bulleted points to go through. They had pizza delivered 1/2 hr into the meeting, then it just went on and on. And...to make matters worse, people kept asking questions (well the same 3 people kept asking questions-they are so on my shit list)
As if...they are going to get real answers. As if it is a democracy and if we disagree with new policies or future policies, management/powers that be will change their minds. Just made the meeting drag on and on.

Then had class at 415p. Hardly got any work done yesterday. Class ran on for 2hrs instead of usual 1 and 1/2hrs. PLus we found out that we will actually have to do some work in the class- the literature references he asked for, we have to write a 1pg summary of each and turn that in with the ref. Did he mention that to us before? No. Was it written on the syllabus? No. We were somehow just supposed to know this. At least he gave us until next class to submit them. Yeah-no one did the summary.

My friend E is also taking the class and she I have been car-pooling. Since she drove all the times before, I said that I'd drive instead to give her a break. Almost had an accident on the drive back from class. This guy in front of us was driving 30mph on this small highway, speed limit there is 45-55mph. I don't know if it was b/c I was so tired from my long day or b/c I hadn't slept well the night before or what. Anyhoo, I thought I was in the middle lane but was actually in the left lane next to it, so I turned into what I thought was the left lane. This was in fact the left-turn only lane and started driving straight. My friend E was saying... are you turning? why are you turning? ok, you HAVE to TURN? In my head I'm thinking...turning? turning? I say - why would I be turni...OHHH SHIT!...turn sharply to right into proper lane and just miss plowing into the freakin median. Luckily no one was in the lane I swerved into, else God alone knows what could have happened cause I didn't have time to look first before I turned into the right lane. After that I was like...ummm, you talk, I won't be talking anymore, just driving at the speed limit, trying to get us back without further scares like that one.

Last night was gym night but I figured that I was probably too tired to risk being out in my car for much longer so I skipped the workout and came home.

Trying not to think about the near-miss too much but that is too much against my nature for me not to think (obsess?) about it. E was really nice about it though-she didn't scream once or yell after. Still felt bad about it today. I can totally understand if she wants to do all the driving from now on. If I were in her position, I'd probably want to.

Went to the gym tonight to make up. Much better day today overall.

Tuesday, February 7


Was talking to my sis today and we were talking through this internet phone thingy skype.com and I put a goofy pic of mine in the profile. For kicks mostly. Anyhoo, she was saying - you should put a different pic there cause that one is not very flattering. I kind of snapped at her then. Partly cause I don't think the pic is that bad, it's a little goofy sure, one I took myself with the camera waaay too close :) She was saying that I should change it because suppose my future guy is searching and sees the pic. I mean c'mon. So my response was that the only person I talk to through the internet thingy is her. She then asked about a couple other friends of mine. And I had to tell her there was no one else.
I'm lucky enough to catch my friends (who live in different states) on the phone once a month or so. I don't talk to anyone online. I have a few other friends I've lost touch with. Some I kind of wanted to lose touch with. I sometimes become friendly with someone because of a particular circumstance, not necessarily because we clicked. Then I feel obligated to hang out with them and this stresses me out. So if the opportunity arises and they move away or something, it’s real easy for me to lose touch, especially if they don’t make any contact. Others I wouldn't mind talking to more often but everyone has their lives to get on with and it's easier to lose touch with someone who's not nearby. I feel pressured though. As if it's up to me. They have my number just like I have theirs and I’m sure their fingers aren’t any more broken than mine are. But no-one calls. But it's fine. I can deal with that.

My sis was like - but you know so many people, have so many friends. Actually I do know many people but many are aquaintances not close friends.
So I changed the pic cause I just don't want the hassle. I didn't really want to change it well I did but to an even goofier one - for fun :)

But it doesn't really matter because the only person who will see it is my sis. Plus it's not like I'm going to meet someone online. Plus it's a freakin phone pic - not a personal ad.

I’m just tired of repeating myself. Sometimes it feels like no one listens to me. I tell them things and then have to repeat the same things to them again and again. I wonder if they realize how frustrating this is. Makes me not want to say anything because what’s the point if no one is listening and I’ll just have to repeat myself. This has been a problem for me forever.

I actually feel less alone since I started my blog. Or maybe it's just that it doesn't bother me as much. I like it that people visit my blog regularly and that some of you even visit every day :) It's like a connection, you know-through cyberspace. It's good to know that other people sometimes feel the way I do about things. That I'm not the only person with issues.

A lot of the stuff I write here, I don't want to talk about with anyone I know. I'm not sure why that is exactly. But I still need to get it out and off my chest so to speak.

Got invited to a themed party this weekend. I'll probably go cause what else will I do. Actually I do have a second option. A couple I know are going to a local nightspot to hear some family member of theirs play. I was thinking of going if nothing alse came up. Cause it'll be couples...and me...which is ok but I'm not always in the mood for that. The themed party will a few other singletons there, well most likely just one. The sidekick. Will write about him at some point. Though I don’t think he deserves the space :) I have made my peace with him and have seen him (and was able to talk to him in a friendly manner but not too friendly mind you) since the incident - when I realized he wasn’t worth my time/was a jackass. Still, it’s only Monday and both things are on Sat so I still have time to decide.

Had a crappy day at work today. A total shit of a day. So frustrating that only swear words come to mind. My friend S and I decided on the weekend that we'd go see a movie tonight "Something New" and we did. Tuesday is free-popcorn night. I may never see another movie on a weekend again, no lines to buy my ticket, small line at the concession stand but hey, I can wait 1 or 2 min for free popcorn :) Plus you don't have to get there super early just to get a seat. 5 min before movie started and lots of great seats still free. Can use an entire seat for my coat/bag/scarf/sweater/etc instead of having to pile it all on my lap. Like I said, wekend movie with all the crowds/rushing may never appeal to me again.

"Something New" is a cute romantic comedy. If you're thinking about seeing it but not sure, GO! It's really fun movie if you enjoy romantic comedies. There's a part where the main character talks about being able to be herself with this guy. And I thought - there...that's what I want...someone I can be myself with, my sometimes goofy, slightly neurotic, usually funny, weird but interesting, self. A lot of adjectives, I know. I'm a complex gal.

I've been to the gym more times this year (I know it's only just Feb :) than I went in the last 6 months prior to December. Since reintroducing myself to the gym, I haven't lost any weight i.e. I don't weigh much less but, I have lost an inch on my waistline and can now tighten my belt 2 notches closer than I was able to back in Dec. Pretty good news. My pants are a bit baggy but i'm going to wait a bit before I buy new ones. Who knows I may even lose a little more on the ole waist:)

Kind of excited about the themed (Mexican) party Sat, got official invites today and everyone gets an alter-ego/name for the night. And I'm supposed to wear a skirt. Can't remember the last time I wore a skirt. I bought one last year but never got around to wearing it, should try it on and see how/if it still fits. In any event I need a top to go with, a cute top (after all, the sidekick will be there and has to know and regret what he squandered, the moron, ok so I'm still a little bitter).

Sunday, February 5

Laundry, laundry and more laundry

I had an embarassing amount of laudry. Just there staring at me. So much that I couldn't face it all. I just do enough to get by. I manage to get through most of the clothes I wear every 2 weeks or so but the sheet/blankets/towels pile up. Well I decided to tackle it this weekend with a trip(s) to the laundromat. I had serious anxiety about going there. A couple people suggested that I should just drop off my laundry and let them do it for me. There's no way I could do that. I've seen the way they handle other people's laudry, stuff falls on the floor sometimes plus the thought of other people handling my laudry freaks me out. So I bit the bullet and went in yeasterday for a couple hrs and today as well for a couple hours. I will not say exactly how many loads I washed cause it's a little embarrassing. Apparently I have way more clothes than I realized (or need?) Still have 2 loads left but they're manageable and I plan to get them done this week. Now I just have to figure out where the hell to put them all :)

Saturday, February 4

X-files trivia

Ok so I looked it up and the x-files cartoons/caricatures are actually from a Korean site - they are really funny and cool if you know the episodes they're from.

X-files trivia

I was sorting through some boxes and saw some of my x-files stuff pics/scripts/collages/etc that made me quite nostaglic for the show(yes I was a true x-phile geek who read scripts of episodes I've seen, don't judge ok or if you must don't tell me about it ;). So I watched an episodes -Die Hand Die Verletzt- one of the few eps I have only seen once or twice. Very creepy, not one of my fav ones. How about a little x-files trivia? The pic above is easy-which episode is this? These pics are from a japanese/chinese site I used to visit which had tons of caricatures of major scenes in different episodes. If you know the episode, then you'd recognize the scene from it. Here's another one. Any guesses on which eps these are from? (Hint:If you scroll the cursor over the pic, the name of the episode is at the end of the filename)

Friday, February 3

Listening to: Love for Fun

Listening to: Love for Fun...Enrique Eglesias

Took another chemistry review to read at the gym and was on the stat. bike for 24min. This is my personal best-usually I'm dying after 10min and have to push to stay on longer. I think I probably rush sometimes as well and maybe that's why I burn out after 10min. But with the distraction of the paper(wrapping my mind around the reactions) the time went by and I was exhausted but not dying.

When I got home and couldn't decide what to have so I took a long shower to ease my aching muscles. Then did dishes and next thing it 9pm and I hadn't had anything other than some OJ. So I had a sandwich, just wasn't in the mood to make anything that needed to be cooked. I think maybe the butter I used might have a little off.

Either that or I have some sort of gastric flu because I woke up at 3am in serious pain, major cramps (that TOTM again) and also general feeling of unwellness. By 330am I was violently ill(you don't want any more details). Trying to block out the images. Arghhh! I got back to bed and couldn't get back to sleep. I felt a little better by 730am so decided to go to work.

I should probably have not gone in but I knew I'd worry about the reactions I had on, a couple of them would go bad if you leave them going for more than 24hrs.
I figured I could take care of the reactions I'd set the night before, and if I felt worse and/or didn't feel better I could always come home early. I was able to get them all taken care of. My stomach felt dodgy all morning and so I left at 11am and came home and slept. Woke up and felt a little hungry so had some plain bread and felt a bit better. Then had doritos, probably not the best idea but I just needed something salt. Luckily it didn't make me sick :) I slept for most of the afternoon so now I'm wide awake. Stomach still a bit queasy but much better than earlier today. OJ made my stomach more upset, perhaps too much for its current state. Cereal settles it quite nicely. Got a good book so going to bed soon, hopefully I won't have a repeat of last night.

Thursday, February 2

Could be, who knows?

Had a nice little chat with Sam today, we were both using a couple analytical instruments and walked back to lab at the same time. I don't think I was a total spas so that's really good. Keep trying not to get too excited around him, don't want to scare him away. At this point he could be interested. I don't know for sure but it kinda seems that way. I'm trying not to think about all the other times I've been here before - the beginning where the possibility for great things are endless...it's almost the best part. Well for me it is the best part. Things have never seemed to work out in quite the way I've wanted or expected. Sometimes this was a good thing and other times I was just hurt. Taking it day-by-day.

I've had songs from musicals in my head last couple days - tonight's song is "Something's Coming" from West Side Story

Could be!
Who knows?
There's something due any day;
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
It may come cannonballing down through the sky,
Gleam in its eye,
Bright as a rose!

Who knows?
It's only just out of reach,
Down the block, on a beach,
Under a tree.
I got a feeling there's a miracle due,
Gonna come true,
Coming to me!

Could it be? Yes, it could.
Something's coming, something good,
If I can wait!
Something's coming, I don't know what it is,
But it is
Gonna be great!

And on that note, I will say g'nite :)

Wednesday, February 1

January's Book Journeys

Books I've read and liked that have taken me to interesting places.

Black Ice...Anne Stuart - romantic suspense at its best: this was fast-paced and I couldn't put it down until the end

You Slay Me and Fire Me Up...Katie MacAlister - dragons, demons and portal guardians: I really enjoyed the first title, the second was more of the same, I expected more but it was ok.

Dead Witch Walking and The Good, the Bad and the Undead and Every Which Way But Dead...Kim Harrison - a world where witches, vampires, werewolves and pixies exist and sort of co-exist with humans: a really great series, the first introduces the main characters, the second was ok and the third was really good. Can't wait for the next installment.

Undead and Unreturnable and Under Cover and Derik's Bane...MaryJanice Davidson - I've read all of the undead and ____ series and really enjoyed most of them including this latest one. The undead series is all about a fiesty vampire queen who loves shoes, funny and sarcastic and fun. The last two books here are stand-alones which I liked as well. Derik's bane has a werewolf as the central character.

Can Cows Walk Down Stairs? The Best Brains Answer the Biggest and Smallest Scientific Questions...Paul Henley - Christmas gift from D, very interesting book which answered many of the random 'I wonder why...?' questions I have.

Harbor Nights...Marcia Evanick - romance: fun light reading

Evening Hours...MaryLynn Baxter - romance: same as above

The Undomestic Goddess...Sophie Kinsella - i guess they call this contemporary women's fiction, whatever that means. I call it a great read. Great book.

Tea glorious tea

I'm been having one cup of decaf tea for the last few days and still not sleeping well. Last night I woke up at 3am and couldn't get back to sleep. So today, I said "screw this shit" and made myself a damn good cup of tea. Ahhh. Could feel myself relax as it diffused into my system. It's a fact I can no longer deny - I'm attached (addicted?) to my morning caffeine fix. I've decided to avoid caffeine in the afternoon and at night which means no more chocs at night before bed :( but will have it in the morning.

american idol

I've started watching American Idol. Well I'm trying to slowly build up my tolerance for it. My current limit is 10min. At work, a friend of mine runs a pool for American Idol every year-there's all these rules and once it gets down to the last 20 or so ppl, you can bet each week on who gets voted off or ranks their order. It's quite a complex system which only she and another guy (he actually does the spreadsheets with everyone's bets and odds etc.) Anyhoo, I wanted to join it this year so I'm trying to build up my tolerance so by the time they get down to last few ppl I will actually be able to stand watching it the whole way through. It's like a train wreck/plane crash/10 car pile-up. I can only stand it for so long. It's funny at first then kind of hard to watch the humiliation of these people. Then there are the contestants who are so bizarre you wonder if they really expect to be taken seriously or if they just want their 15sec of fame during the audition. Simon is so mean, he made fun of this girl with braces, I thought she was going to cry. Half of the contestants don't know the lyrics of the songs they choose to sing. Just awful to listen to and to watch.
15 minutes...that's it for me tonight...can't take anymore of this. Luckily Bones is on at 9pm so I will see something else to erase the images.

Had class tonight - it was a little better than Monday's class. I actually did a little reading (a chemistry review on the current topic) while at the gym last night, the time on the bike just flew by.
I was trying to get a couple reaction set before I left work today but couldn't. Why is it that my supervisor only want to talk to me when I'm in a hurry. He told me like 3 or 4 stories from when in was in grad-school. 2 of which he's told me before. Now I usually let people tell me the same stories over and over again. People often forget that they have so I don't interrupt even though I could probably repeat said story to them verbatim. But today was trying, on and on he kept talking. I couldn't concentrate. One of the reactions I wanted to do couldn't be set up b/c the starting material for it wasn't dry enough. And the other one, I just decided to leave it b/c it would have taken too long and I was stressed out enough as it was. So I put it in the freezer, told him that I was off to class and left.