Sunday, July 29

new meds

I'm trying out a new medication Symbicort for a couple weeks to see how well my body can tolerate it. I'm hoping not to have the same horrible reactions that I had to Advair the last time I tried the combo-meds. If I can use it without substantial side effects it'll make my life a little easier. Especially when I travel to England for my sister's wedding in September. It'll be much less hassle if I don't have to explain that I need to keep some of my meds cold (foradil - needs to be refigerated). Plus I'd also need to have both my flovent(corticosteroid) and albuterol(emergency) inhalers and my rhinocort plus all their prescription boxes with me in additon to my zantac 150. I need to take all of these 2x every day. I missed one morning of taking my zantac and felt really ill for the next 2 days. The burning from the reflux was just awful. I don't imagine that I'll be able to stop taking it anytime soon. This is my life. At least I have a decent prescription plan at work else I wouldn't be able to afford most of my meds. So I'm thankful for that.
I've had a couple hand cramping incidents which lasted about 3-4seconds each in the last week that I've been on the Symbicort. Not ideal but not as bad as with the Advair inhaler I was on a while back. So I'm going to keep taking it for another week and see how it goes.

just a little crush

Still crushing(am I too old to be even using this word?) on AK aka my boy-toy. Ok, so he's not really my boy-toy but he could be if he wanted to. I've been trying to be real cool and casual and not freak him out by telling him this. A good thing, right? I'm insane. I must be to be entertaining ideas about this boy/man. What else can you call a 22yr-old guy...when you're 32. We had this conversation a while started with me talking about what I did for my last birthday...

AK: old are you now?
Me: guess
AK: 25?
Me: Nope
AK: 26
Me: Not any more
AK: older than 26, ok, 27?
Me: No, I'm 32
AK: 32?...32!...c'mon you're making that up
Me: why would I make up an age older than I am?
AK: Wow, 32, I would have thought 25 for sure. 32...32...
Me: Alright enough ok. Just think of me as 25
AK: I can't anymore, now 32's stuck in my head...

He hasn't brought it up since (else I may have had to deck him)
He and I spent a really fun day hanging out together at our company's picnic. From time to time, I forget that he's 22 and then he opens his mouth and says something really juvenile and I remember. I've told him this. He laughed and said "that's kinda cool, people normally tell me I look 17". This is the crux of my problem.
I'm pretty sure that he's not interested in me and if he was before he found out how old I am, he's not anymore. This should make me feel better but it only depresses me.


Have not been in the mood to blog of late. Just so tired and worn out at night after work, many nights I don't even turn my pc on.

My chemistry has been real crap lately. I've been trying to make a couple targets that are 10-12 steps each and usually around the 10th step or so things start looking really bad. Yields are horrible and get worse with each subsequent reaction. I had to explain this to my supervisor on Thurs. I actually knew Wed night but decided to put off telling him till Thur. Also took 1/2 day off on Fri. He wants me to show him all my analytical data for every reaction. As if I'm new and have only been here a few months. Maybe he thinks my yields will improve just by him looking at it. Frankly, I doubt it.

If he does a reaction and it doesn't work well or at all, then it's impossible. If I do a reaction several times and get the same crappy yields each time, then I must be doing something wrong. Unfortunately for me, he's one of those freaks who gets stuff to work that no one else gets to work using the same conditions that were used.

I've been keeping the bastard updated with almost every step. I told him how much material I had going into the last couple steps (which don't really work). I think that it's that particular substrate, not me, that is the real problem. Still he told me, "oh if you only have such a small amt you shouldn't have wasted time continuing". I told him what I was doing and he must not have been listening. I have had 6 supervisors in my 5yrs at this company only 2 of which spoke English as a first language. Why me? is all I can think. Why me? Mostly I think that when I'm feeling sorry for myself as I have this past week. I also think - WTF? frequently. And also - why the f doesn't he leave me the f alone? :-)

I have 3 or 4 other targets assigned to me which they haven't figured out how I'm going to make yet. The ones I'm doing now are supposed to be the easier ones. I am so screwed. I've been very depressed all week. I finally got a small amt of this stupid compound shipped out after working on it for 6 wks. I really wanted to take the whole day off on Fri but figured I might as well go in in the am to check my other reaction(and confirm that it's still not clean after 2 attempts at purifying it).I'm tired of these shit-targets, none of which have been promising in testing, yet we still continue to try to make more variations of them. Sadly, I don't make these decisions...I just try to do what I'm told.

Half-days mean we only have to work 4hrs. So at noon I got the hell out of there. I actually went to the gym and did my weight routine. I've noticed that on the days I exercise, I'm actually able to sleep and sleep well. So I'm trying.

Plus after a work-physical, I've found out that my cholesterol is borderline high. So I'm trying to exercise more and eat a little less portion-wise. My Mum has very high cholesterol which she's controlling with medication so it's in my genes I guess. Also, I'm a bit overweight for my height. Maybe. I'm not entirely convinced about this. I'd just like to lose some/most of the belly/back fat, be more toned and fit. So I'm trying a new regimen where I eat a little less and exercise more. I'm trying for walking 30min 4 days a week + weights 2x/week. That's my goal. Last week I managed to walk 2 days and weights 2 days so I'm getting there. Just have to stick with it.

Wednesday, July 4

why I'm still single

It's impractical and somewhat embarrassing. Almost illegal, well not quite but it feels like it should be. I know there's no future. He's 22. Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it'll just go away. I know it but I can't quite let go of these feelings I have for A. I'm 10yrs older than him. But he's cute and funny and quick-witted and tall but not too tall. I am very attracted to him. There I said it. We look closer in age but that's only b/c I look ~8yrs younger than I am. He's a young-looking 22. I figured that these feelings, this silly crush would go away soon. But it hasn't. Even if he was interested in me, it's not going anywhere. It can't. Can you imagine him telling his mother that he's dating a woman 10yrs older. What kind of a freak would that make me seem like? Truly not worth considering.

Why am I concerned? I really shouldn't be. As long as I don't do or say anything impulsive or ask if he wants to have lunch sometime or dinner or whatever. As long as I don't do that, he's probably going to do what almost every other guy I'm met and liked have done - NOTHING. And eventually my feelings fizzle and I can move on with my life. Any day now...still waiting.

I bumped into the EB aka the Dimwit Stalker at the grocery store a couple days ago. In the light of day, he looks old enough to be my father. I think he lied about being 34 or 36 or however old he claimed to be. I don't recall. If he didn't lie he's a very old looking guy. He again insisted that he's "not a bad guy", I simply "misunderstood". Once again I had to explain myself. WTF! Again I told him that I shouldn't have to explain. He also said that "when you have time, drop me an email, as friends, so we can keep in touch". Yeah, right. What is wrong with this guy. How many ways/words do I need to explain that I'm not interested. To explain that no I don't want to be his anything...not his friend...not his girlfriend...certainly not his future wife. I think much of what I say must be lost in translation.

This is what happens when you decide to go out on 2nd date with a guy you are really not attracted to. No more. I am never again going out with a guy just b/c he asks/seems like a nice guy/etc if I'm not attracted to him. I'm just going to say no and be done with it. Could have saved myself a ton of aggravation. So now I have to avoid that grocery as well even though it's the closest to my apt (5min away).

Just the other day I was remarking to Z "it's strange that in such a small place as where we live that I've not bumped into any of the guys I've dated. No a bad thing but still." Not that I want to see them and be forced into awkward conversations with them. Or that there have been that many (can count on my hands and have fingers left over).

To the same friend Z, that I was talking to before, I also confessed that except for the dimwit stalker, I've only dated guys younger than me. Strange but true.

This, in a nutshell, is why I'm still single at 32. The only men who talk to me look 50 or 19. I will not date a man who looks old enough to be my father. My father does not look like he's 60 but he is. I will also not be dating anymore 19yr-olds. Been there, done that, saw the movie, bought the t-shirt and the game. :)
Or guys who look 19 or act like they're 19. You get the picture.

Monday, July 2

rain and heat

Last Wed I drove through the worse rain storm ever - should probably have waited it out at work but I was more concerned with getting home so my landlord could put my air-conditioner in the window(it weighs ~100lbs so no way I can do it myself). My apt has been between 84-90° and I wasn't able to sleep well at all. I kept waking up every couple hrs. After 3 days days of this, I was pretty desperate.

It was a horrible drive, the thunder was scary loud and the lightning wouldn't quit. Add to that the poor visibility. What made things worse was that I turned down a side street on my way home and ended up in about 3 1/2 feet of water. I've never seen that much water before on a street except on TV.
A couple cars were stuck in the middle of the road ahead of me. 2 people were wading through it and I was stuck. Several cars were lined up behind me, couldn't reverse. Tons of water in front of me, just had to go though it. I prayed and prayed that my car would keep going. At one point, a large SUV drove past me in the opposite direction and a full wave of water gushed over my car. It was really scary. Finally after an hr I got home - it usu takes 15-20min. Luckily my street is on higher ground. At that point, the rain had died down to a mere drizzle. I got inside and within 5min, it started pouring again outside. I was afraid that my landlord would change his mind about coming by with all the rain but he didn't. He came over and finally I can sleep at night.
When I turned on the AC, I set it at 78° and it groaned and kept making a racket - I think it was too hot for it to keep up. So I raised the setting to 82° and it quieted down a bit. My apt was so hot that the water in Timmy's tank got to be ~86°. His water is supposed to be 78-80 so that he can cool himself down when he needs to and warm himself up by coming out to his basking down which is about 90°(with the basking lamp).

M (who gave me Timmy) and K both think I've been changing Timmy's tank water excessively. Well, they've implied this. I just want him to have a clean tank, is all. I was thinking of getting a pleco - as Matt had suggested - to take care of any algae. But there isn't much algae for a pleco to live on, what with me changing 20-30% of his tank water once a week and 80% every other week. It's not like I have anything better to do. This way, you can't tell that I have a turtle by the smell. Personally the smell grosses me out so it makes more sense for me to change his water water often than to wait until it starts smelling. I've only smelled that smell once and that was enough for me.
Timmy has gotten used to me now and comes right up to my hands when I'm doing his water changes. he's very curious :) He also comes out as soon as I turn off his filter. I've gotten him accustomed to a routine:
-I wake up and turn on his basking lamp
-Turn off his filter
-As soon as it goes off, he comes out of hiding and starts looking around, sticking his head out of the water
-Then I feed him, he usu looks around for a while longer hoping for more food
-Then I turn on his UV lamp and put the filter back on. As soon as he hears/senses the filter, he goes back to hide/hang out in his tree.
As you may have realized by now, I love Timmy :)


...because I know you can't get enough of him...I also subject my friends and co-workers to the many facets of Timmy :) I'm trying to cut back ;) to my phone for size

...hanging ten

...looking for more food

...trying to figure out why I'm taking pics instead of dropping food in his tank

..ready for his close-up