Who's That Girl?

It funny when you look back at yourself in pictures. I was looking at old pics of myself and I'm so different from the person I was in most of the pictures. Especially those from more than 2 years ago...like the ones from my college days. Who was that girl? I remember her, but I don't think I'm her anymore.

I started thinking of this as I was going through some old drawings of mine from college. I found about 10 self-portraits I did for a drawing class back in 1999. I uploaded a couple to my portfolio (click the flickr link on sidebar). I recognize myself in all of them but there's one that I think resembles me more than any of the others.
Not because it's the most accurate one...or the most detailed...though there is sufficient detail that people who know me would recognize me...but because I think I captured myself best in it at that time. Though I'm not that girl anymore, I remember her and she had a lot of dreams back then. Some have come true. Some have changed. Some haven't happened yet and some never will. She was sure of her classroom abilities but not of much else. (I know - a little kooky talking about myself in the 3rd person). I want to tell her that there's more to life than getting A's and that her first mentor was correct - She would not get straight A's all the time and that the world wouldn't end when she didn't and that she was going to be fine.

I also found a portrait I have of myself which was done by an artist in Covent Garden about 10yrs ago. The artist took about 10-15 minutes and both my friend and I had ours done. It's funny because even though that portrait is more accurate and certainly the artist had more skill than I, I don't think they were able to really capture me though he got my likeness well enough. At least not the person I think I was back then. I wonder if maybe that's because 10 years ago, I was very different from how I was in college or how I am now for that matter. Maybe I kept parts of myself hidden. The person in that portrait seemed afraid of many things, shy, a bit insecure, definitely a people pleaser. So maybe, he got it right after all.

I'm more open now...to people, life and the universe at large. I don't think I've ever been shy but I used to be very concerned about what people thought of me. I used to feel as if it was my job to make sure that other people weren't upset. This consumed so much of my energy. It's not easy trying to please everyone. I kept many things inside and rarely disagreed about anything (out loud anyway :). I used to keep so much in and then...out of nowhere...I'd erupt like Mt. Versuvius.

I think I'm a better person today. I certainly speak what's on my mind more. I keep less bottled up inside. This is a very good thing (seeing Versuvius erupt was not pretty).

So...who is that girl? She's still a part of me, of who I was and I think of her fondly.