Tuesday, September 9

fit to be tied

So I keep going back and forth with whether or not Q is into me. It's like when you were a kid with a flower pulling petals going - he loves me...he loves me not...he loves me. Actually mine goes more like - he totally wants me...he is so not into me...he liiikes me...he only sees me as a buddy...and so on.
I am slowly going insane sometimes with my internal dialogue.
He waited for me so we could walk to our cars together 3 times last week and we chatted for another 10min or so after we got to our cars.

Q and I went out for dinner and drinks with another friend of ours last Fri. The service sucked, they were understaffed, but what made me really upset at the time was two other things. One, said friend (SF) invited a new friend of his supposedly to eat with us. She showed up 90min late and then said she wasn't planning to eat and that she almost didn't come out at all. WTF? SF also didn't know what he wanted by the time the waiter finally made it to our table which didn't help either. So we finally got our food mostly cold 2 hrs after I'd arrived. I was not happy about either of these things. What really made me mad though was this random girl who my friend invited was chatting up Q. Right in front of my face. True, she had no way of knowing that I'm interested and therefore he is off-limits. Rationally I know this. In that moment though, I wanted to say, "step off bitch, step OFF!". Luckily I only had 1 and 1/2 beers and was in no way drunk enough to spew any of the crap going on in my anger-infused brain. Yeah, there was one other feeling. This feeling I had was somewhat alien to me. Jealousy. Pure and simple.

I really wanted to have dinner with just Q but I didn't think he'd go for that. Plus it's not part of my subtle plan. So I changed the time we were supposed to meet from 7 to 8 to accommodate SF b/c he said he couldn't meet us before 8pm. SF who managed to get there 10min before me. He had called Q and given him a lift there since they live close to each other. Nice of him, huh? Did SF call me as well so I could get there at the same them as them? No, he did not. He did call random girl though to invite her but not me.

After all this, I'd spent $29. What did this buy me? Mediocre, lukewarm food, 2 ok beers and internal anger and jealousy over some random girl I hope never to see again. She is apparently just starting grad school and she is studying a pseudo-science. I don't know what else to call it. I won't write it b/c maybe someone will be randomly googling it and find my blog. Might even be someone I know. So I guess that's all I'll be saying about that.

Anyhoo, I wasn't going to blog about Fri night. At least it wasn't my intention to do so. I guess it was still festering inside and I had to get some more of it out.

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