mixed bag

I'm doing better this week than I was last week. Well, as far as the (my)paranoia is concerned. This is a plus. I also went to the gym Fri night and did my 20min weight training plus 55min on the treadmill. I did interval jogging in between my brisk walking. I'm so outta shape that I could only jog for 1-2min at a time but that's ok. It's a start.
I'm in a much more reasonable frame of mind - what with all the endorphins I released on Fri.

On Mon, I texted SP(guy from the bar I'm interested in) to ask how his Easter was. Well, he didn't see fit to text me back until Thurs night. Yep, and in this text, he tells me that he's sorry for not answering me back sooner but "he didn't look at his phone until late Mon night and forgot". So he didn't think of me once in nearly 4 days. It's so obvious that he's not interested in me that I can't pretend anymore. I can no longer fool myself about it. He has also not made any attempt to ask me out, to try to see me other than at the bar in the wee hrs.

So we ended up at the bar after the movie/food. We left a while after they closed as we were finishing our drinks. I told him, "see you later". He said "Maybe". I think he thought I meant it literally. What I meant was "Later" as in "whenever dude". He asked if we were going to the bar next door and I told him I wasn't hungry so there was no need. I'm done now. I done trying to get his attention. He's not interested and I'm a bit disappointed and sad about it. But there are many things that are far worse in this world.

It's hard not to get negative. It's difficult not to feel that this is all I'll ever have - imagining that guys who aren't into me like me/want to date me. They never do. At least, they haven't so far. It's hard imagining that they ever will. I can't think about this any more right now.