c'est la vie

I had plans for Sat. I was going to breakfast most likely with T around 10ish then apple-picking with E and crew at 1pm. Then maybe dinner at E's as well.

I'd been nagging AK aka my crush/my former crush/the enemy since before my week off to my sis' wedding, to do something for his birthday which was this past weekend. He vetoed all my suggestions but couldn't come up with any of his own either. So Thurs I see him and say, well you have my number if you think of something, call me. So he comes over to my lab late Fri evening and asks if I want to go to a BBQ with him Sat. It was being given by his boss for all the guys in his lab as well as a few other managers. He said they told him he could bring a date(and I quote) and he asked if I wanted to go with him as his date.

So I kinda balked (in my mind - thinking that I wanted to date him but didn't want it public knowledge until we at least had a few regular dates...I didn't want to appear to be dating him before we actually went out on a real date). Anyhoo, I asked what time and he didn't say exactly, just that we could prob go after I came back from picking apples. So I told him my plans for Sat - and said he could call me and we'd see. So he called me around noon and said he wanted to go at 1pm. So I told him I'd prob be back by 3pm and asked if that was ok. He said that was fine. He didn't say no to my suggestion. He didn't ask if I could go with him at 1pm instead. I would have totally bailed on picking apples and gone earlier if he'd asked. He acted like it was fine - I thought we had a plan. I was so excited then. I feel really foolish now.

So I went to pick apple/drink some cider with my friends and we got back just after 3, and I drove over to his apt - he lives less than 5min from E. I get there and he comes out and we start driving over. Then he tells me that he actually went to the party at 1pm after all and just came back for me. So now I'm a bit confused. B/c he didn't tell he was still planning to go earlier. So now I'm feeling a little weirded out. We get there 15min later. I knew almost eveyone there from work -except for their wives. We said hello to the host and went in to get some food on his invitation. We get back outside and there aren't many seats free. There are 2 seats next to each other and one more separated by a lot of space and a table. He sat in the chair furthest away. So I took the seat closest to him (which was not very close at all) and kinda dragged my chair a little closer. The sun was shining directly in our eyes if we looked straight ahead. I tried to make conversation with him but it was difficult with our seats and the sun. eventually one of the wives came and sat in the empty seat next to me and we chatted for a while. After a while we went in to get some dessert. We came back out and more chairs were free so I took one by the table. There were 3 chairs free, 2 on one side of me and 1 on the other. Guess where AK decides to sit when he comes back outside - not in any of the free seats near me but instead he sat in a chair almost at the edge for the deck. Almost like he wanted to make sure people didn't mistake us for a couple. He kept up this bizarre sitting as far as possible from me thing for half our time there. We're friends, or at least I thought we were. If he didn't want them to think of us as a couple, he shouldn't have asked me to go with him in the first place. Friends go as each other's date to things like this, don't they? I don't know, maybe he was miffed b/c I didn't go with him from 1pm. I just don't know. Eventually the host asked him to start a campfire and handed him some kindling. Does he ask me to join him or follow or anything? No. He just got up and proceeded to walk over to the campfire area, so I followed and said I like to see too. After that he was a little more friendly towards me. Not in any way that might be construed as being boy-friendly but at least he'd stopped acting like I had cooties or something.

I was very hurt by this. I just don't understand. On the drive back I wanted to ask him if he managed to get as far enough away from me as he wanted. But I didn't know how to ask without doing something embarrassing like crying or shouting irrationally at him. So I didn't say anything then. And I'm not going to...ever.

I saw him as I was leaving work today, we were both leaving at the same time. Usually I would walk over to him and we'd chat for a while. Not today. I said hi and kept walking towards the door as we were casually chatting about the day's work (we usu park in different parking lots so we go out different doors). After a couple minutes, I said bye and left. Go me! He seemed friendly and somewhat flirty like he normally is. Whatever. I'm done. I don't understand but that's fine. I don't have to understand. He was kind of a jerk to me on Sat. It was a good thing that I actually knew most of the people there from work else I'd have been not only sitting by myself but would also have been stuck trying to make small talk with strangers.

I just expected more and got much less than I'd bargained for. C'est la vie! or at least C'est ma vie!

In Macy Gray's song, Everybody, she says "you're either enemy or you are the friend". I really like that line :-) AK is now the enemy. or maybe I am?

music

at the wedding, we danced to music from the late 70s, the 80s and early 90s. All the dances involving specific movements, we danced to most of them...the macarena? yes...the electric slide? yes...also to several other songs that didn't have movements/dances per se, we made up movements them or rather my sis and the best man made up movements and we all followed along. It was great fun. Since then, I've been listening to many old faves, not all played at the wedding but still from around that time like...
i think we're alone now...debbie gibson
heaven is a place on earth...belinda carlyle
it must have been love...roxette
super trooper...abba
material girl...madonna
the sidewinder sleeps tonight...R.E.M.
tell it to my heart...taylor dayne
hungry heart...bruce springsteen

also got a few CDs while in the UK - actually my sis got them for me as a thank-you. Picked up Macy Gray's latest "Big". It is an awesome CD. I've been playing 3 or 4 of the songs over and over. The best tracks are Strange Behaviour, Slowly, Get Out and One For Me. Treat Me Like Your Money and Ghetto Love aren't too shabby either. I think this is the first Macy Gray CD that I've listened/liked almost all the way through.
Also got Norah Jones' "Not Too Late", Haven't found any I really like on the CD yet. But I haven't really given it a good listen yet so who knows.
Also got "Sam's Town" by the Killers and "the Open Door" by Evanescence as well as a rock compilation CD "greatest rock ballads". It has many gems on it including "because the night" by patti smith, "can't fight this feeling" by reo speedwagon, and even "eternal flame" by the bangles. Couldn't pass up the chance to own that now could I?

I'm in a slightly better frame of mind than I was earlier - took my inhaler during my mini-meltdown and that helped in addition to some deep-breathing exercises.
I should have known that things couldn't possibly go anywhere from the moment he said "who's ABBA?".

sometimes its all I can do just to get through the day, get up, take my meds, eat. go to work. come home. sleep.

I thought it was a date-date. But it was not. It was just a friend-date. I think. All I know is that I'm very disappointed. And a little surprised. I shouldn't be surprised though. It's not like it is any different from before. Couldn't even really cry about it last night. Too sad.

Feeling very sorry for myself right now. But this'll pass. I know it will eventually but I just can't see it yet.

Had several muscle spasms this weekend in both my hands and feet. It kinda scares me when it happens several times in one day. I wish I could stop taking these stupid medicines. But I can't. I could but then I'd probably end up in the ER or hospitalized. I can't deal with either of those options.

My sister's wedding went well, both she and her new husband enjoyed the day. Many of the guests remarked that it was one of the best weddings they've been to.
It was a beautiful day with lots of sunshine and laughter and love.
Got many pics of the family. We danced from 7pm till midnight. It was a good day.

I had a few too many glasses of champagne and wine. Was up until 3am with the last stragglers from the wedding. Chatting away. I think maybe if I lived there, I'd have to fend the men off with a stick. Not like here. Where it's all I can do to even get them to ask me out or call or do ANYTHING.

Still up, almost done packing. Just so tired I'm moving in slow motion. Maybe I should just go to bed and wake up early to finish. It's already 12:30am I really need sleep now.
I'm so looking forward to this week off from work.
I'll be off for England tonight, I'm leaving straight from work, doing a 1/2 day.
I so need this vacay and it'll be great to see my family and celebrate my sis wedding.

sticking with goog

I'm a Google girl. I've a curious mind and simply must know the answer to things that people ask or that randomly come up like...
...do ducks have ears?...yes, no pinnae but have special feathers, auriculars, covering their 'ear-holes'
...can turtles hear? yes. Do they have ears too? yes they also have inner ears.
...do turtles also have special feathers?...obviously a smart-aleck comment :)

In lab, when stuff like this comes up, if no one has a convincing answer, then someone has to google it? immediately if possible :)
We also check dictionary.com fairly often if we can't all come to a concensus on the spelling of a certain word. Got to do something while our reactions are reacting, right? :)

ask.com has an almost cool ad to try to convince people to switch over from Google...they almost had me thinking of trying them out until the phrase "instant getification". Getification? A made up word? No thanks.

Nadal just won his match against Tipsarevic. TipsyRay retired finally. About time too, kept holding his ribs. Had them taped in the most peculiar way and also massaged in an odd way but continued playing. I was afraid it would turn into another farce like last night's James Blake vs fabrice Santoro match. Santoro played one point then jumped up and down for the trainer to massage/ice/rub his legs then played another point and stopped for another treatment. It was ridiculous. I was glad Blake was able to win in the end. Santoro seemed to be really faking it to me or at the very least over-doing it. I wanted to tell him to stop being such a wuss and either retire like a man or suck it up and play. I did actually shout this at my tv :)
I do get quite passionate sometimes about tennis, baseball too.

mini epiphany

Just realized something...I have not been exercising (only been to the gym 3-4x this month) and I have not been sleeping well at all. Coincidence? Probably not. Got to work on that.

Finally, finally, some of my chemistry has been working. I don't want to jinx it by talking about it too much. I've been assigned additional targets that are similar to ones I've made previously. my boss has been on vacation/to science conf. for the last 2-3 weeks ans has only been to work 3-4 days during that time. It's been fantastic and will not last so I'm savoring every moment.

my dilemma

Last night is the first night in ages that I've been able to fall asleep in my bed soon after getting in. I only got ~5 1/2hr sleep but it was a continuous 5 1/2 hr and that really makes a difference. I also slept fairly well the night before but I slept on my futon (intentionally) b/c it was too hot in the bedroom.

Had a nice chat today with my current crush aka my boy-toy :). I know it's not going anywhere and that's probably for the best. He's so cute though, all the way through. There are guys who are more good looking, more muscular, my age, etc. but none give me tingles in quite the same way as this guy does. It's sad and little pathetic, I know but there are moments...moments when I'm completely content...content to just listen to him talk about anything. He's very witty and quick. I do like a smart man, I do. I never have to explain things, he's gets it right away.

I kinda want to ask him to go to this festival with me. I want to go partly b/c Teada will be playing/for an opportunity to hang with him. When we hung out at our company picnic, it was great fun. He never left my side. It was very cool. I want to hang out with him, outside of work, but I don't know how to bring this about without seeming desperate or like a complete dork. Therein lies my dilemma.

movies, movies, movies

I've seen 5 of the movies currently in theaters. I'm out of control. Yeah I am b/c I was trying to have a movie budget. See 1 movie or so a month. I'm way past that now.
I've even seen one of them twice (harry potter). I don't usu buy anyting to eat, I eat before I go to see a movie most times and also sneak in my own bottled water so I'm really only paying for the ticket. But at $8.50-10/movie it adds up real fast.
I guess it's not such a big deal. It's not like I have kids or pets that are going without so I can see all these movies :) So what movies have i seen in the last month? (I know you're dying to know - all 2 of you :)

The Bourne Ultimatum was non-stop fast-paced action. My friend Z and I went. She and I both love Matty-Matt aka Matt Damon. If you blink during this movie you will miss stuff. We tried not to blink.

Becoming Jane was ok, not quite as good as I expected it to be from previews.

No Reservations - I kinda enjoyed this one, though C. Zeta Jones is "not at all vulnerable" as I think the character was in the original movie - which I plan to see soon. I think the chemistry between the 2 main characters took longer to develop than the story implies.

Ratatouille - a fun movie, even if you have an aversion to rats. They're almost cute in this movie and the main character is totally cute. I think he's cute b/c he's blue and less rat-like than a brown/black rat would be.

Sunshine - not my usual kind of movie. My friend S recommendation, it was better than I expected until the last 15-20 min. At that point it went from science fiction to slasher movie. Still don't get it.

Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix - I had to see this since I've seen all the others. I felt like stuff was missing though in a way different from the other movies. I'm inclined to read the book now. I haven't felt the need to read any of the other books before.

battle scars

I've been having trouble sleeping again. Last Fri I took the day off...mainly b/c most of my lab co-workers were also taking the day except for my boss and one other guy. Yeah, definitely a good call. Good thing too b/c I could not get to sleep. I spent most of last thurs night awake. I tried to get to sleep but couldn't. I didn't actually sleep until 5am Fri morning. I slept till 11am. Kind of a waste of a day off. I keep having these nights where I can't sleep at all or can't stay asleep and keep waking every couple hrs. I decided to take a couple tylenolPM last night since I also had a sinus headache. I took them at 7pm and by 9 I was really sleepy. So I went straight to bed. Woke up at 3am and didn't really nod off again until ~5am. Groggily woke up at 730am. Go to work at 8:40am. Later than I would like to.
It's only Wed and I'm exhausted. Had long meeting today and had to prepare/present slides - tons of bio data plus the structures of compounds tested. Took me a couple hrs to put them together - I'm not used to going through the database so it took me quite a while to find the info I needed and then arrange everything in Powerpoint. All in all, 8 slides. Luckily we only have to present once or twice a month. I am not cut out for staring at the computer for too long. I'd much rather be in lab even though most of that time I'm on my feet.

I took Benadryl last week at night b/c I had a major local reaction to my allergy shots. It knocked me right out at 7pm, woke up at 2am but went back to sleep shortly after that till my alarm. Woke up feeling groggy. Lately I've been having local reactions to my allergy shots, particularly the dust mites and mold ones. I get 3 shots every other week or so and the dose seems to have reached some sort of threshold for both of these. The 3rd shot is combo pollens one and that one is fine - no local reaction. Last week, I had to take Benadryl, my arm still had a huge hive on it for 2 days. Local reaction is kind of like a huge hive. They measure them in different degrees e.g size of a pea, a nickel, a quarter, a half-dollar. My latest reaction was 8cm across. They don't have a denomination for that. It was pretty knarly. Didn't stop me from showing all my friends like it was some kind of battle scar I was proud of :)

too old for facebook

I think I am b/c I just don't understand why people want me to add them as friends when they have nothing to say to me...ever. Oh they say a quick hi when they want you to add them, then nothing. I don't get it. Maybe I'm just too old for this.

glass half-full again

I'm in a much better frame of mind now than I was when I wrote that last post. Getting it all out helped a bit, I think. My boss is on vacation this week so I'm dealling with his boss instead. She's much more reasonable and her suggestions make more sense than my boss usually does. He either doesn't understand me or he is unable to express himself in English enough to get his point across. When I'm looking for feedback, he asks me the dumbest, most irrelevant questions, instead of helping me address the issue(reaction) at hand. It's like pulling teeth sometimes. Enough. NO more talk of him. I'm just going to try to enjoy this week.

I'm still working on the difficult stuff but I've also gotten a few other targets to make that are similar to ones I've had success with in the past. I've gotten more done in the past 2 days than I did all last week. My motivation was virtually non-existent then. I find that I can get so much more done when I have 5-6 targets to make as opposed to just 1 or 2 sucky ones.

I did a couple paintings on the weekend, one is finished and the other is half-way done. The finished is not very good but I did it more as a distraction than anything else. It was good just to paint something. They both feature painted lines. I'm going to try to paint more, maybe 2-3 times a week. I think that'll also help me relax more - take my mind off of everything but the paint.

basically screwed

Every 6 months we are supposed to have informal reviews of our work. For most people, this means a 5 min chat or sometimes even less and it is actually informal. Not for me, as usual my supervisor of the moment reserved a conference room for my "informal" review. And as usual, the same shit. I seem to be doing as expected of someone at my level. He mistakenly thought I have been there 3yrs instead of 5. HE should know. He's seen my other evaluations. Surely with only one person reporting to him, he should know that much. Also as usual, he said "someone" told me they think you talk to people too much, I don't have a problem with it, b/c you have to talk sometimes in lab. To make thinks "fun"...the first 3 months you were very productive but now your productivity has dropped off a bit and so maybe it might have something to do with that. What do you think of that?"

I told him that I'm not talking any more or less than usual. No more now than before when my rpoductivity was much higher. My current chemistry is difficult chemistry that has not been done before so of course it's taking me a while, plus it's a long, multi-step synthesis with shitty yields. Of course it'll take longer. I told him I would try and talk a bit less and he seemed satisfied with that.
I wonder if they say "someone told me they think you talk too much" when they really mean that they do. I could almost accept that. It's the whole idea of someone so vindictive that they want to get me in trouble so they go to my boss and say these things. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

I feel so trapped by this job. Every year I have to listen to this fucking shit from these morons. It wouldn't be so hard to take if maybe the fuckers had thought of promoting me like they have every other chemist at my level who started around the same time I did (some deserving and others who are complete morons without a lick of common sense). It'd be a little easier to swallow their shit. Basically, they want me be a different person. This makes me so angry, I want to scream sometimes. It also depresses me. I spend way less time than most on the phone/the internet/at lunch/on coffee breaks. That never seems to matter to these mofos. I can't just leave this job. For one thing, I can't afford to. For another, I'm not trained for anything else. Once my green card paperwork comes through, which could be anything from 6mths to 2yrs, I'm contracted to work for this company for at least 2 yrs after that. I could try to move to a different company at that point but I would just be exchanging these shit-eaters for new ones. Chemists as a whole are generally very similar with few exceptions, they tend to antisocial. I don't know if it's b/c many of them were teased/bullied in school, if that's why they're petty and mean-spirited-at least all the ones I've had as bosses have been.

Maybe, it'd also be easier to deal with if I had someone to talk to. Someone to call when I'm so overwhelmed and depressed that I can't relax enough to sleep. But I don't really have anyone to call. I do have a few friends here. That's true. I don't feel as if I can call anyone at this hour though. Or when I'm at work, I certainly can't call anyone from there to vent.

I just feel so alone most of the time. Every time I meet a guy I think likes me who I really like, nothing comes of it. NOTHING! Only the weirdos ever call or want another date.

I wish I didn't feel this way. I'm tired of crying myself to sleep. Maybe I should call the psychologist I saw last year and make an appt.

new meds

I'm trying out a new medication Symbicort for a couple weeks to see how well my body can tolerate it. I'm hoping not to have the same horrible reactions that I had to Advair the last time I tried the combo-meds. If I can use it without substantial side effects it'll make my life a little easier. Especially when I travel to England for my sister's wedding in September. It'll be much less hassle if I don't have to explain that I need to keep some of my meds cold (foradil - needs to be refigerated). Plus I'd also need to have both my flovent(corticosteroid) and albuterol(emergency) inhalers and my rhinocort plus all their prescription boxes with me in additon to my zantac 150. I need to take all of these 2x every day. I missed one morning of taking my zantac and felt really ill for the next 2 days. The burning from the reflux was just awful. I don't imagine that I'll be able to stop taking it anytime soon. This is my life. At least I have a decent prescription plan at work else I wouldn't be able to afford most of my meds. So I'm thankful for that.
I've had a couple hand cramping incidents which lasted about 3-4seconds each in the last week that I've been on the Symbicort. Not ideal but not as bad as with the Advair inhaler I was on a while back. So I'm going to keep taking it for another week and see how it goes.

just a little crush

Still crushing(am I too old to be even using this word?) on AK aka my boy-toy. Ok, so he's not really my boy-toy but he could be if he wanted to. I've been trying to be real cool and casual and not freak him out by telling him this. A good thing, right? I'm insane. I must be to be entertaining ideas about this boy/man. What else can you call a 22yr-old guy...when you're 32. We had this conversation a while back...it started with me talking about what I did for my last birthday...

AK: so...how old are you now?
Me: guess
AK: 25?
Me: Nope
AK: 26
Me: Not any more
AK: older than 26, ok, 27?
Me: No, I'm 32
AK: 32?...32!...c'mon you're making that up
Me: why would I make up an age older than I am?
AK: Wow, 32, I would have thought 25 for sure. 32...32...
Me: Alright enough ok. Just think of me as 25
AK: I can't anymore, now 32's stuck in my head...

He hasn't brought it up since (else I may have had to deck him)
He and I spent a really fun day hanging out together at our company's picnic. From time to time, I forget that he's 22 and then he opens his mouth and says something really juvenile and I remember. I've told him this. He laughed and said "that's kinda cool, people normally tell me I look 17". This is the crux of my problem.
I'm pretty sure that he's not interested in me and if he was before he found out how old I am, he's not anymore. This should make me feel better but it only depresses me.

AAARRRGGGHHH!

Have not been in the mood to blog of late. Just so tired and worn out at night after work, many nights I don't even turn my pc on.

My chemistry has been real crap lately. I've been trying to make a couple targets that are 10-12 steps each and usually around the 10th step or so things start looking really bad. Yields are horrible and get worse with each subsequent reaction. I had to explain this to my supervisor on Thurs. I actually knew Wed night but decided to put off telling him till Thur. Also took 1/2 day off on Fri. He wants me to show him all my analytical data for every reaction. As if I'm new and have only been here a few months. Maybe he thinks my yields will improve just by him looking at it. Frankly, I doubt it.

If he does a reaction and it doesn't work well or at all, then it's impossible. If I do a reaction several times and get the same crappy yields each time, then I must be doing something wrong. Unfortunately for me, he's one of those freaks who gets stuff to work that no one else gets to work using the same conditions that were used.

I've been keeping the bastard updated with almost every step. I told him how much material I had going into the last couple steps (which don't really work). I think that it's that particular substrate, not me, that is the real problem. Still he told me, "oh if you only have such a small amt you shouldn't have wasted time continuing". I told him what I was doing and he must not have been listening. I have had 6 supervisors in my 5yrs at this company only 2 of which spoke English as a first language. Why me? is all I can think. Why me? Mostly I think that when I'm feeling sorry for myself as I have this past week. I also think - WTF? frequently. And also - why the f doesn't he leave me the f alone? :-)

I have 3 or 4 other targets assigned to me which they haven't figured out how I'm going to make yet. The ones I'm doing now are supposed to be the easier ones. I am so screwed. I've been very depressed all week. I finally got a small amt of this stupid compound shipped out after working on it for 6 wks. I really wanted to take the whole day off on Fri but figured I might as well go in in the am to check my other reaction(and confirm that it's still not clean after 2 attempts at purifying it).I'm tired of these shit-targets, none of which have been promising in testing, yet we still continue to try to make more variations of them. Sadly, I don't make these decisions...I just try to do what I'm told.

Half-days mean we only have to work 4hrs. So at noon I got the hell out of there. I actually went to the gym and did my weight routine. I've noticed that on the days I exercise, I'm actually able to sleep and sleep well. So I'm trying.

Plus after a work-physical, I've found out that my cholesterol is borderline high. So I'm trying to exercise more and eat a little less portion-wise. My Mum has very high cholesterol which she's controlling with medication so it's in my genes I guess. Also, I'm a bit overweight for my height. Maybe. I'm not entirely convinced about this. I'd just like to lose some/most of the belly/back fat, be more toned and fit. So I'm trying a new regimen where I eat a little less and exercise more. I'm trying for walking 30min 4 days a week + weights 2x/week. That's my goal. Last week I managed to walk 2 days and weights 2 days so I'm getting there. Just have to stick with it.

why I'm still single

It's impractical and somewhat embarrassing. Almost illegal, well not quite but it feels like it should be. I know there's no future. He's 22. Maybe if I keep telling myself this, it'll just go away. I know it but I can't quite let go of these feelings I have for A. I'm 10yrs older than him. But he's cute and funny and quick-witted and tall but not too tall. I am very attracted to him. There I said it. We look closer in age but that's only b/c I look ~8yrs younger than I am. He's a young-looking 22. I figured that these feelings, this silly crush would go away soon. But it hasn't. Even if he was interested in me, it's not going anywhere. It can't. Can you imagine him telling his mother that he's dating a woman 10yrs older. What kind of a freak would that make me seem like? Truly not worth considering.

Why am I concerned? I really shouldn't be. As long as I don't do or say anything impulsive or stupid...like ask if he wants to have lunch sometime or dinner or whatever. As long as I don't do that, he's probably going to do what almost every other guy I'm met and liked have done - NOTHING. And eventually my feelings fizzle and I can move on with my life. Any day now...still waiting.

I bumped into the EB aka the Dimwit Stalker at the grocery store a couple days ago. In the light of day, he looks old enough to be my father. I think he lied about being 34 or 36 or however old he claimed to be. I don't recall. If he didn't lie he's a very old looking guy. He again insisted that he's "not a bad guy", I simply "misunderstood". Once again I had to explain myself. WTF! Again I told him that I shouldn't have to explain. He also said that "when you have time, drop me an email, as friends, so we can keep in touch". Yeah, right. What is wrong with this guy. How many ways/words do I need to explain that I'm not interested. To explain that no I don't want to be his anything...not his friend...not his girlfriend...certainly not his future wife. I think much of what I say must be lost in translation.

This is what happens when you decide to go out on 2nd date with a guy you are really not attracted to. No more. I am never again going out with a guy just b/c he asks/seems like a nice guy/etc if I'm not attracted to him. I'm just going to say no and be done with it. Could have saved myself a ton of aggravation. So now I have to avoid that grocery as well even though it's the closest to my apt (5min away).

Just the other day I was remarking to Z "it's strange that in such a small place as where we live that I've not bumped into any of the guys I've dated. No a bad thing but still." Not that I want to see them and be forced into awkward conversations with them. Or that there have been that many (can count on my hands and have fingers left over).

To the same friend Z, that I was talking to before, I also confessed that except for the dimwit stalker, I've only dated guys younger than me. Strange but true.

This, in a nutshell, is why I'm still single at 32. The only men who talk to me look 50 or 19. I will not date a man who looks old enough to be my father. My father does not look like he's 60 but he is. I will also not be dating anymore 19yr-olds. Been there, done that, saw the movie, bought the t-shirt and the game. :)
Or guys who look 19 or act like they're 19. You get the picture.

rain and heat

Last Wed I drove through the worse rain storm ever - should probably have waited it out at work but I was more concerned with getting home so my landlord could put my air-conditioner in the window(it weighs ~100lbs so no way I can do it myself). My apt has been between 84-90° and I wasn't able to sleep well at all. I kept waking up every couple hrs. After 3 days days of this, I was pretty desperate.

It was a horrible drive, the thunder was scary loud and the lightning wouldn't quit. Add to that the poor visibility. What made things worse was that I turned down a side street on my way home and ended up in about 3 1/2 feet of water. I've never seen that much water before on a street except on TV.
A couple cars were stuck in the middle of the road ahead of me. 2 people were wading through it and I was stuck. Several cars were lined up behind me, couldn't reverse. Tons of water in front of me, just had to go though it. I prayed and prayed that my car would keep going. At one point, a large SUV drove past me in the opposite direction and a full wave of water gushed over my car. It was really scary. Finally after an hr I got home - it usu takes 15-20min. Luckily my street is on higher ground. At that point, the rain had died down to a mere drizzle. I got inside and within 5min, it started pouring again outside. I was afraid that my landlord would change his mind about coming by with all the rain but he didn't. He came over and finally I can sleep at night.
When I turned on the AC, I set it at 78° and it groaned and kept making a racket - I think it was too hot for it to keep up. So I raised the setting to 82° and it quieted down a bit. My apt was so hot that the water in Timmy's tank got to be ~86°. His water is supposed to be 78-80 so that he can cool himself down when he needs to and warm himself up by coming out to his basking down which is about 90°(with the basking lamp).

M (who gave me Timmy) and K both think I've been changing Timmy's tank water excessively. Well, they've implied this. I just want him to have a clean tank, is all. I was thinking of getting a pleco - as Matt had suggested - to take care of any algae. But there isn't much algae for a pleco to live on, what with me changing 20-30% of his tank water once a week and 80% every other week. It's not like I have anything better to do. This way, you can't tell that I have a turtle by the smell. Personally the smell grosses me out so it makes more sense for me to change his water water often than to wait until it starts smelling. I've only smelled that smell once and that was enough for me.
Timmy has gotten used to me now and comes right up to my hands when I'm doing his water changes. he's very curious :) He also comes out as soon as I turn off his filter. I've gotten him accustomed to a routine:
-I wake up and turn on his basking lamp
-Turn off his filter
-As soon as it goes off, he comes out of hiding and starts looking around, sticking his head out of the water
-Then I feed him, he usu looks around for a while longer hoping for more food
-Then I turn on his UV lamp and put the filter back on. As soon as he hears/senses the filter, he goes back to hide/hang out in his tree.
As you may have realized by now, I love Timmy :)

Timmaayyy...

...because I know you can't get enough of him...I also subject my friends and co-workers to the many facets of Timmy :) I'm trying to cut back ;)


...next to my phone for size


...hanging ten


...looking for more food


...trying to figure out why I'm taking pics instead of dropping food in his tank


..ready for his close-up