more spasms

Tried to get an appt yesterday, called the office and they put me on hold, then it went to message service..where they said I could leave a number for them to call me back. Right? Like they ever call back at the right number. So I tried again today and lo and behold, got an appt this week (Fri) with my regular doc. So I'll see. Going back to the allergist tomorrow. I really need lower doses of these drugs. I toy with the idea of just stopping them all. Fear. Fear keeps me taking them. Fear of ending up in the ER, dying, etc. God, I so tired of being sick. I'm tired of talking about it. Tired of taking medication.

Hand spasms still happening. Writing today felt kind of weird, had to stop between sentences from time to time. My hand felt like it was about to cramp up. So I stopped, relaxed and stretched it. I told my friend about it today. She asked me if I'd had a talk with my hand. So I said, a talk? like what? She goes - hand, you're all I've got, you need to get better, whatever is wrong, you need to fix it...or something to that effect. I told her that my conversation was more along the lines of...what is wrong with you, stop this, stop it, its freaking me out, relax...
Sometimes I get the feeling that most people don't think in quite the same way I do.

Have to get to work early tomorrow. I'm so out of control now.
Mon 845am...Today...840am...tomorrow (fingers crossed) 730am. My doc appt is at 430p so once I'm in early, then I won't have to make up hrs. Wish me luck. Maybe I don't need luck, but a swift kick up my you know what. My alarm didn't go off today or if it did, I didn't hear it at all. Woke up at 740am today. So not good enough. Must check my alarm now. Need to also set back-up alarm and turn on. Yeah sometimes I go to the trouble of setting both alarms on my alarm clock as well as my back-up alarm clock(travel clock) and then don't turn any of them on. Brilliant, I know.

Got to stop, hands are fatigued. Elbow hurts. Probably b/c I wacked it into the towel rack last night while flat ironing my hair. Left hand is a bit sore b/c I've been typing mostly one-handed.

Finally saw an entire ep of 'Bones'. It was pretty good.