I don't mean to sound all sad and pathetic. I was reading some of my previous entries and some have a "poor little old me" feel to them. I don't mean to come off that way. I do have several friends here. But most are what I call casual friends. People you can have a laugh with now and again but not people in whom you can confide really personal stuff.
A few I used to be closer to but when they became part of a couple, the dynamics changed. I feel like anything I tell them will be told to their significant other. I've had proof of this. I just don't need that. So I just try to say less.
There are people who are between these two categories. I find it easier to be friends with guys casually but I'm careful b/c I don't want their partners thinking I'm going after their man. I don't do that. Just very wrong on too many levels for me. So I try to keep them at a slight distance.
I miss a few of the friendships I had in college. I had a couple guy friends who I could always go to for a hug when I was feeeling sad or down. Kind of like a mutual appreciation society. Purely platonic but really good all the same. I miss that. College is a weird place though in that you're sort of in a vacuum and the outside world (beyond your dorm or school) barely exists. You interact more with people than you probably would normally. Especially when you go to a small school (~2500 undergrads). Even though you don't know everyone by name, you recognize most of the faces. A community.
Plus I miss Lit. I won't call, nothing silly like that. But I do kind of wish things were different. But I know all about wishes/horses/beggars/etc. I wonder if he misses me too. Just a little even. Thinking like that won't get me anywhere though. Big sigh!
I should probably start getting ready. No idea what I'm wearing yet.
1 comment:
Hey, you don't sound sad and pathetic. You're just stating facts. I'm in a similar boat -- all my really good friends, the ones I'd share personal stuff with, live a minimum of six hours away. So that's really hard. And I got really ticked when my best friend (then) told her husband about my depression -- I wish she hadn't. That upset me.
I also have found it easier to be friends with guys sometimes. Probably the best friend I have right now is a guy. I trust them more than girls. Girls are so scheming, conniving, etc. Guys are almost simpler -- that sounds bad, but I mean it in a good way. Like if a girl's mad at you, she'll smile at you face to face but totally trash you behind your back. A guy who's mad will just punch you in the face, and then he's not mad anymore. :)
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