thunder & lightning

Major thunderstorms tonight. As I was driving home from the gym, the lightning was magnificent and the thunder was darn loud I tell ya. I was a wee bit concerned about being in my car with all this rain/thunder/lightning around me but I got home no problem. The lightning cracked just in front of my car several times. A little unnerving. Would have made a great picture though. Probably for the best that I didn't have my camera.

stalker of the week

There's a new woman(Kay) at work who sits near me. She freaks me out. I don't like strangers to touch me. I have a large personal space bubble. Somedays I want to scream as I demarcate it "PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE people". I was telling E that maybe I need a sign I can whip out for such situations.

Anyhoo, Kay has been working for 2 weeks and she is all up in my grill. Seriously. It's almost like she's stalking me. Following me around. Today, I was talking to C and E and I was sorta standing in the walkway between our cubicles. Then I felt as if someone was behind me, so I started turning around to move out of the way and saw her, and as she walked by me she rubbed my arm as she walked by. She had no reason to touch me. It really freaked me out. E said I visibly winced. Couldn't help it. Do not like strangers or acquaintances randomly touching me. My Mum puts it best. She says that she "has to prepare herself for people to touch her". She hates it when people sneak or come up quietly behind her and then touch her.

I like to eat my lunch at my desk alone most days. Sometimes I read journals or stuff on internet but I like the alone time. Time when I can just enjoy my meal and not have to talk or give of myself. Occasionally I go out to lunch with guys from my lab or with C or E but not everyday. So today, Kay comes over to my desk, plops herself down on C's chair (C sits directly opposite me) and proceeds to eat her lunch. Without so much as a by-your-leave. So I'm eating and staring at my pc. What does this mean to the outside observer? that I want to eat alone. You don't even ask if you can sit by me. It's not your seat. Then she proceeded to ask me annoying question after annoying question. e.g.

Kay: Do you eat in the lunchroom?
Me: No, but you can if you want (if I ate in the lunchrm why would be at my desk eating?)
K: Why not?
Me: Not my scene.
K: you make your lunch?
Me: No, microwave meal.

You would think that by my monosyllabic answers and the fact that I very rudely kept reading stuff on the internet, that maybe, just maybe, I wanted to eat alone in peace. Kay just sits there and continues to talk to me. God alone knows why. I know it was rude of me - but she'd already touched me and asked far too many stupid questions of me and just seemed to be there everytime I turned around and it was only 12pm. I just didn't want to deal with her anymore. She's just trying too hard to be my friend. I can't stand it. it's just freaking me out and I just want her out of my face. Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe but I don't care. I choose my friends. You can't just become my friend by sheer force of your will. I click with people or I don't.

Have I ever said about how much I love Derek Jeter. I do and with all the Ford ads he's been doing lately, I can't get enough of him. Derek Jeter + Mustang GT = what more could a girl want.
I do realize that the likelihood of me meeting/dating(sigh) Jeter is very unlikely. Still not impossible, right? As my old college roomie used to say "dreams don't cost anything" :)

into the west

Today I've been watching "Into the West". I've seen most of it before but not all on the same day. A lot of it is hard to watch. I've read about a lot of what is shown. My interst started in college - a couple classes I took peaked my interest and lead to more reading. But seeing it in color makes it take on a whole new meaning. I've read about the Sand Creek massacre but seeing the set up of it and the carrying out of it is just so much worse than reading about it. Into the West is very well done, the best part I think is that they actually use Native American actors for all the Native American roles.

Last night I went to see X-Men:the final stand. I don't want to ruin it for anyone who hasn't seen it yet. I enjoyed most of it except for the last 10-15 minutes. If you've seen it and want to rail and shout at the end like I wanted to, let me know.

I skipped choir yesterday. When I talked to my fam, I actually sounded normal but probably only b/c I didn't sing. My throat hurt a lot last week after I sang and then I was hoarse for most of the day. It sucks cause I really used to enjoy singing every week. Now I just want the pain to go away. This is hard for me. Yesterday I kept thinking that what's the point of going to church at all if I can't sing. The new priest we have there goes on and on in his sermons each week. The stuff he talks about rarely seems to relate to me in any way. I miss our former pastor, every week when he preached, I felt like he was speaking to me. Like there was a special message that I had to hear every week. it just doesn't feel that way anymore. I think I'm going to have to look for another church to go to. I hate change. Well, maybe hate ius too strong a word, more like dislike change. It takes a while before i can accustom myself to it.

I'm definitely moving once my lease is up. I've sort of wanted to move for 2 years now but have been reluctant to do so. More b/c it'd be a big change and I guess I wasn't ready for it before. I'm ready now though. I feel it's time for a change. Haven't found a new apt yet. Most of the places I've called want me to call back in 2 weeks as they won't know what vacancies they'll have until then. It's fine though, I have a good feeling about it.

Went to get my allergy shots yesterday and while waiting I heard something wonderful. This ultra low, sexy voice that I just wanted to keep listening to even though I wasn't sitting close enough to understand every word he said. I turned around to see who it belonged to. The guy looked like he was in his early 20s - too young for me. Pity. I could literally listen to him all day.

start of long weekend

Went over to C&Ts for dinner and movie last night. Dinner was delicious as it usually is over at their house. When I got there, the dogs barked up a storm well like they do whenever I go over - as if they've never seen me before. It's a little intimidating, 2 big german shepherds barking at you. But after a minute they calmed down. So the one who does the drive-by lickings and I have progresed in our relationship. Before she'd lick me and run.Last night she licked my hand then demanded to be petted. So I petted her for a while. Then the other one who growled at me last time also demanded to be petted. With him you can't stop petting him until he's ready, else he gets upset. So I pettted him for 5min straight all the while telling him how handsome and cool he was. Also petted one of the cats. They usually hide when people come over/from the dogs. but one came right up to me like he finally approved of me. He's a fat kitty, grey and cute. Animals are so easy to please sometimes. It's really cool. You pet them = they're happy. Know what I noticed about how I talk to animals? very similar to the way I talk to babies.

We also went out for a drive and we saw the perfect house for me (if I could afford one and was currently in the market for one that is). It was stucco with tile roof and have turrets like a castle. Very cool. i told them that it'd be perfect for me b/c then everyone would know that i'm a princess without me having to tell them all the time :)

Long weekend. So wonderful. My plan is to get a few groceries and then stay in and watch movies. May go for a drive on Mon since it's supposed to be really hot. If it is my apt will be unbearable-so I'll have to eaither go for a drive or to the mall. I have to call the landlord Tues to get them to put my air-conditoner back in my window. It took 3 weeks for them to come take it out of my window during winter. So I may have a bit of a wait.

Have not been able to sleep. Well, it's more like I've not felt like sleeping so i just stay up and watch tv or surf the net. Been up until mignight or 1am every night this week. Not good.

Still up at 12:32am. Not good. I don't know why I just can't go to bed early or at a decent time so that I can get more sleep. How do normal people or people with nomral sleep patterns do this?

I went to the gym tonight(or last night rather :) and did cardio. Was exhausted when I got in and took an extra long shower. After that I looked at my face in the mirror and I thought - you look exhausted, you really need to get to bed early tonight. Am I asleep? No. I gotta go to bed now. This is nonsense.

space shoes

Lately, my ankles have been very achy after I work out. I figured it had to be my shoes. I've had them about a year and a half and I guess it was just time for new ones. So I bought new sneakers, cross trainers. I call them space shoes, they look like something the jetsons would have.

I said this to the salesguy and he kinda gave me a funny look. They felt great when I tried them on and were on sale. Felt weird to walk in them at first but in a good way. The key thing - after working out in them, my ankles didn't hurt.

 
  

idol over finally

So I watched parts of the final idol show last night. Meatloaf and Dionne Warwick were both awful. Prince was so cool, doing his thing as only Prince can do it. Got to see Ace once more :) and Chris. Oh well. So I won a total of $2.67 from my idol or should I say 'idle' bets. One guy won $60(he had 2 big bets) and the other big winner got $21. It was fun while it lasted, I can't deny it.

Tonight I'm watched "so you think you can dance". Just for the entertainment value. In a word...hysterical. There was this one guy/girl who referred to him/herself as a gender chameleon, I kid you not. Then he did all these weird facial expressions while lip-syncing and 'dancing'(I use that word veerrrry loosely) to Irene Cara's "what a feeling".
During the show tonight, I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes. I have not been so amused in a long time.

Also, sprint I think, has a new ad for their phones. Hilarious. These 2 guys are in a locker room comparing their phones. So one guy says, my phone has a security feature/theft deterrant. So the other guy goes...theft deterrant? First guy says...try to take my wallet. 2nd guy tries and 1st guy throws his phone at him. in his face. Why is that so funny? I don't know. I do know that I laugh myself silly everytime time I see that ad. It's fresh everytime even though I know what's coming.

Life lessons

When you have acid reflux and you eat crap late at night, drink alcohol or caffeine or eat chocolate or worse...all three, you wake up the next day feeling like crap. your throat hurts like hell especially when you only sleep for 4hrs.

That's what I did last weekend and I was pain when I woke up last Sun. So this weekend I did not eat anything after 930pm and no alcohol or chocolate. Did have caffeine-free tea which still has some caffeine but real low dose so I figured it'd be ok. Last night was really tough-not eating after 930, I was so craving some chocolate but I resisted and had a cuppa tea instead. This morning felt great. Probably also because I cleaned my apt yesterday and slept on fresh sheets. nothing like it.

I was really hoarse this afternoon after talking to my family but that's been happening whenever I use my voice for too long.

research

I've been doing some online research recently and it's not very encouraging. When I saw my doc(PA)last time, she said that I might have developed acid reflux, she'd also mentioned that my symptoms might be due to side effects from my asthma meds specifically the advair(dry powder inhaler or DPI).

I started there and found several studies. One of them was a very small study done on asthmatic patients who had all been on inhaled coticosteroids in DPI form for 6-8 months(like I have) who'd also been treated with proton pump inhibitors(like zantac) for gastroesophageal reflux. These patients all had changes in their vocal cords as well as irritation of vocal folds due to the medication.

Another study also had patients who were on dry powder inhalers as well as drug for acid reflux. They complained about hoarseness, frequent throat clearing, loss of voice, lump in throat, and throat pain(less frequently). They found significant correlation between high cortisone doses and voice problems as well as between voice problems and acid relfux.

One encouraging study I found said that deformities in the pharynx/larynx that were developed from the use of higher doses of inhalers were reversed when those drugs were stopped.

There have not been many studies done on the local complications of inhaled corticosteroids(like advair) even though it is well reported that asthmatic patients often experience hoarseness and other throat problems.

I will have to make some sort of decision about this. Maybe get an appt with my allergy/asthma doc Dr. M, cause I think he'll consider what I have to say.

My main doc(Dr. L) she's the one who wanted me to take anti-anxiety meds. I refused and so she suggested that I start exercising regularly as well as go to therapy (for my anxiety). I've been doing both. I didn't want to take the anxiety meds b/c I figured it would be a stop-gap measure only and wouldn't help me deal with the root causes behind the anxiety I was having. The therapy has helped. I'm glad I went and my therapist thinks I'm doing great and I only need to see her again if I feel the need, we've left it open. I'm fairly certain that if I talk to Dr. L about this she'll think the therapy hasn't worked. Her stance was that I'm too concerned about my health. Granted, I was more anxious about stuff, not just my health but life in general before I started going to the therapist. Still, I don't think my concerns should be dismissed. I'm not making up my symptoms. They are real. I joke about being a hypochondriac true but I'm not crazy.

The doc who thinks I have acid reflux has been the most helpful to me overall(she's the PA). So I might talk to her about it. Not sure. Need to do some more reading, I don't have the access to medical journals at home that I get at work so I'll have to wait till I'm at work so I can do some more looking.

It's high time that I thinkabout something else. They're showing Bulletproof Monk on FX now, love this movie, can't see it too many times, off to watch it again.

Not my usual Sat

Listening to: La Tortura...Shakira & Alejandro Sanz

Not stewing anymore, well not much. Feeling better overall. Still not in the mood to get into it all.

Saw "Art School Confidential" last night with S. Not my usual kind of movie but S had heard it was interesting. It was really good, I enjoyed it and laughed a lot. Not sure if some of the parts I found hilarious were meant to be (since no one else was laughing) but I thought they were :) S was a little disappointed, said she expected a bit more cool art personalities. I had no expectations about it and hadn't even heard of it till S mentioned it. It was that or MI-3 which I refuse to see on grounds that none of my money is going towards that nutjob that Cruise has become. Maybe he was always a nutter but was able to hide it better before. Good thing Nicole K got out while he still seemed sane.

Did major cleaning today. This is big for me since I usually spend Sat lazing around doing nothing then scramble on Sun to try to do some chores and end up feeling stressed and overly tired by Sun night. Did laundry as well. Just have one more load to do and will get it done tomorrow. And I folded/hung up/put away everything. This is key b/c if I don't do it right away, they could easily be there till next week. Still have to do the bathtub as well.

My cousin and I were chatting today about stuff and she said that she'd really want to get a nanny when she has kids. Me, I'd prefer a housekeeper. I can handle the kid but it's the housework that would do me in-sometimes I want to get rid of many things, everything thing that collects dust. I don't have many knick-knacks but I do have framed photos, CDs, etc and the dust wastes no time in collecting on them. It's a constant struggle to keep my apt relatively dust-free. What I really need is a bubble :) Yeah, that'd solve all my problems.

Was watching Disc Health(as usu :) and saw this couple with 1 set of twins and a set sextuplets. Yeah 8 kids, 2 are 5 and 6 are 16mths. I don't know how she and her husband are still sane. If I find out that I can't have kids, no fertility treatments/drugs/in vitro for me. No way. I'll just have to adopt, lots of kids out there who need homes. Better to get one at a time than to end up with 6 at once. Then there are all the complications of multiple births, higher infant mortality rates. Not for me. I can understand wanting to have your own but I wouldn't want to go to those lengths. Plus with my family history I don't really think I'll have trouble - my grandma had her 9th kid at 48 and my mom had her last at 44. I don't plan to have kids when I'm that old but you never know what the future holds for you. I figure with those odds in my favor, if I have trouble maybe it's a sign I should adopt.

Latest iTunes

Seven Nation Army...The White Stripes
Beyond the Sea...Kevin Spacey (I prefer his version to the original Bobby Darin)
Feel So Numb & Living Dead Girl...Rob Zombie (great car tunes)
La Tortura...Shakira & Alejandro Sanz
Over my Head (Cable Car)...The Fray
Temperature...Sean Paul
Hung Up...Madonna (I've been playing this on repeat ever since, my friend E pointed out that this song would be even more awesome in German, so now I've gotta learn some German :)
Somewhere Only We Know... Keane
No One Knows...Queens of the Stone Age(the base guitar in this is fantastic)
These Words(I love you, I love you, I love you)... Natasha Bedingfield

stewing inwardly

I've been in a bit of a mood lately. Everything sucks and is not quite right and I'm not entirely sure why. Several factors(people?) have added to this feeling. Not ready to talk about them yet. Still stewing inwardly.

Today I just wanted to come home...at 9am this morning. I forgot my lunch at home but that was alright b/c C told me he'd go to Panera with me for lunch since he hadn't brought any with him today. Had veggie black-bean soup and 1/2 tuscan chicken sandwich. Delicious.

Then I thought it was Mon until E corrected me. Not terrible to find out it's Tues when you thought it was Mon. I guess it's better then thinking it's Wed when it's Tues.

Also realized today that I missed a step in one of my syntheses. I kept trying to figure out why my analytical data didn't match at all. Well it didn't match b/c I forgot to put on one of the pieces. The steps have to be done in a particular order. So it means that I had to just scrap it and start again. Luckily it onyl puts me back 2 steps b/c I still have the precursor so not a complete disaster. Decided nto to account for that little mishap on my slides. If asked directly about it, I'll have to fess up. Luckily my boss does not keep me on a short leash.

The whole wanting-to-go-home thing stayed with me all day. Also didn't want to go to the gym. Didn't go Mon - didn't feel up to being around people. Gym peeple. I did go to the library for a while and that was fine. I did do several ab exercises and stuff on my not-often-used exercise ball. So that was something. Did go to the gym today.

Was in Walmart today (pretend you didn't read that gradgirl, I know they're the evil empire). Anyhoo, the cashire was totally chatting me up but it took a whle before I relaized it. Of course my next thought after that acknowledgement was - I'm prob almost twice his age, he looked 18. Even though my hair looked like crap (mostly b/c it got wet in our nearly constant rain, and I was not in the best of moods, it felt good.

NO idol for me tonight. Watched Trinny and Suzanna on "What Not to Wear" then "Rocket Man" on BBC America. It's was my first time watching Rocket Man. I liked it - it's about this guy who's building a rocket to send his dead wife's ashes into space as per her last request - more interesting than it may sound.

I'm off to bed, my plan is to turn the light out by midnight :)

Have not been in a blogging mood of late. Have stuff to say but a lot of it is all still jumbled in my mind. I expect it'll come together in my mind and out on the blog eventually.

last day

Just watched Alias - in spite of all my complaining about how it's crap now - I'm still watching like a Pavlovian-conditioned dog. I'm a creature of habit and all that.

Last day of class. YES! So OMTW has so been avoiding me since our "chat" :) . He hasn't talked to me or even made eye contact since our "chat". He studiously avoided my eyes all today and yesterday when he came to our lab to use one of the analytical instruments. It was kind of funny...in a way. Actually it made me think that maybe I'd over-reacted a bit and maybe could have said what I needed to say differently
i.e. that I don't want to be used in his talk that way or
that maybe he should rethink showing the professor up during his presentation
But I'd rather be clear (even a little mean) and make my point crystal clear than have later misunderstandings with an audience.

So he gave his talk today and the guy who he told me he'd planned to ask - totally bailed on class today. I think it's just wrong the way most of the others in class just skipped everyone else's presentations once they'd given theirs. They had a good audience for theirs whereas some of us only had 4 or 5 people incl the professor.
All of a sudden, work is so overwhelming that you have to skip the last 5 or 6 classes, C'MON. Just bad form. Don't they realize that they don't have a grade yet? Don't they care? Obviously they don't.

His talk was good and interesting but he didn't have ans for most of the questions that his slides evoked. Only thing, I am a terrible person but I couldn't help but snicker(which I covered with a strategically timed cough) at ummm how he spelled references at the end. I quote "Fefereness". I kid you not. Don't they know about something called spell check? Don't they proof-read. Him especially b/c he had tons of time. I did talk to him at he end and told it was a good talk and also good that he didn't ask unnecessary questions. So I guess we're on speaking terms again. Not sure how i feel about that - if it's a good or bad thing.

A couple of the other guys who gave their presentations(2 of whom were absent today) also had glaring mistakes. For the chemists out there - they had structures with 5 bonds going to carbon on several slides. For the non-scientists - carbon never has more than 4 bonds, ever. Yeah, so big mistake, something they teach in high school chem and certainly college chemistry. Plus in the chemistry drawing software that they must have used to draw the structures, there are always very obvious red flags on such things. How they missed mistakes like that is beyond me.

I'm was a great student(ok a nerd :p) It's what I did really well so I just don't get it when people submit such shoddy work. I don't get how they don't care enough to proof-read or spell-check their work before submission. btw, our presentations will go on the course slides - with our names on it - for next year's class to peruse. If it was me, I certainly wouldn't want my name attached to their work.

I'm a bit of a perfectionist, true, but still.

I'm am so through with watching idol. I can't believe it. Plus all my bets are now shot. oh well.

I finally figured out how to watch Bones while I tape Alias. I just switched the tv antennae cord from my bigger tv to the little one, then tape from cable on the small one and watch Bones on the big one. Perfect. Alias is gone to crap. I don't have much hope for the few eps left.

Got to go watch Alias now.

kathie griffin

I love Kathie Griffin - her special is on tonight:strong black woman. A must-see people, a must-see. I don't like cirque de soleil either.

My thighs really hurt today-specifically my quads and hamstrings. Maybe I overdid it at the gym last night - well I did do 3 sets of each machine when I normally do 2, so maybe that's what it was. Then did my usual cardio after of bike/treadmill. It really hurt to walk down stairs, more so than walking up- at work I probably walked down stairs over a dozen times today. Today especially b/c I had to get my compounds ready for shipping. This meant several trips back and forth to the analytical instuments which are all downstairs.

Good news is that i had 2 compounds ready to ship today and our group had 10 altogether. Gives me a really good feeling that I contributed to it. My current supervisor is very cool. He doesn't bug me about when I'm getting stuff ready to ship. He simply waits until ship day and asks then if I have anything going out(he proof-reads and sends our paperwork for the compounds to our shipping dept). today he said, ohhh, you have 2 going out, that's great, that's great. Previous supers have been like monkeys on my back (my expression for this when i'm riled = up under my arse) asking every day when I'll have this ready or that ready. Much better to just let me get on with it.

Yesterday had to go to this seminar for class by this famous chemist - famous in the world of chemistry anyway. Many people told us that he was quite smug. I guess if I had over 1600 papers published with my name on them and if I was one of the most cited inorganic chemists today, I'd be somewhat smug too. Well the best part for me was his introduction given by this Russian professor(didn't catch his name) - it was the funniest thing and he had a slide show of each part of the story. Basically, it was about how he and Cotton got to see Red Square when they were in Moscow even though it was blocked off from the general public and all b/c the military police guy knew of Cotton(from his many chemistry texts). The other funny thing is that when Cotton got up there he said that it was the most unusal intro he'd ever had but that he wasn't too surprised since the Russian prof was a most unusal and original scientist. Kind of a compliment wrapped up in an insult.

I must confess that I slept through much of the talk. What I was awake for didn't make tons of sense to me. Guess it's a good thing that I'm not in the inorganic chemistry field :)
Also at the end of his talk(I was awake by then :), they asked for questions. This guy asked something(didn't quite catch it) - Cotton's response - he said that there were 2 kinds of stupid questions, 1. questions that are trivial and could be answered by anyone and 2. questions that are so obscure that they can't be tested or investigated. That was it, his ans to this guy. I did have a question but I figured that he would consider any question prefaced by "this may be a stupid question but..." would also be ans with disdain and ridicule. So I kept my mouth shut and my hands down. One more class left. Yay!

Was watching the Yankees-Red Sox game but it's 3-2 2nd inning in favor of Red Sox. Cannot watch this anymore. Time for idol anway. Today J and I spent quite a bit of time searching for CA zip codes. You may be wondering why. Well, we were wondering whether idol shows earlier on the West coast than it does here in NY and/or if they start at the same time everywhere. This was of course after the whole shipping rush(to get the compounds I made ready for shipment). Can't remember exactly why we had to know this info so urgently that we spent about 10min looking for it. But it might be b/c we were wondering how this would affect the voting i.e. best time for us to get through. We found out that idol shows at 8pm in NY first and at 8pm everywhere else as well - by then it'd be 11pm our time. Now that I've explained it, it seems really lame. Oh well :)

I love the latest Outback Steakhouse ads with the guy with the fake Aussie accent - i'm a vegetarian, but I eat beef and pork...and chicken...yeah, semi-veg. Hilarious. then there's the other one where he says - i'm a steak-man, except when I feel like some chicken on the bar-b, then i'm a chicken-man...i prefer steak-man. Too funny.

Sam lent me this DVD with Triumph the insult-comic-dog - actually he foisted it on me and I just took it. I find it hard to say no sometimes. Even though I was pretty sure that I wouldn't enjoy it...at least not for more than 5min. And I was right, 5min of it and I'd had enough. Funny thing is that I think I'm finally over this crush thing. I guess I have Triumph to thank.

I decided to try speed-dating again. They were offering 50% off so I figured why not right? So I get a call tonight that they got too many cancellations so they postponed it and transferred some of us to a different date. I'm ok with this b/c it would have been tomorrow night and now it's not for a month. The one that I was supposed to go to had women 26-32 and men 29-42. I imagined that most of the guys would be closer to 42 than 29 but still thought I'd give it a shot. Turns out than the one they've transferred me to has men 24-35. Much better. If most of the men are in their 30s, that'd be a big plus. Personally, I don't want anyone over 38. And they can't be 38 and look 45. I admit it. I am a little bit shallow but I'm ok with that.

choxie

I've seen these silly Target store ads for this thing called "choxie" - chocolate with moxie. I kid you not. So I thought it was just another stupid made-up target ad. Choxie exists. Saw them today when I was at the Target checkout. My question is why?

discovery health

Tonight I'm watching Discovery Health(DH). This led me to look up Apert's and Crouzon's syndrome online. This led me here.

The surgeries these kids go through. The doctors cut into his face and sawed through the bones from the eye socket to the lower jaw on both sides of their face, then they put this contraption on their face with screws which the parents had to turn every day to draw the middle protion of his face forward slowly. Eventually the rest of his face will grow and catch up with the center part they've drawn forward with the surgery/screws. Kind of heartbreaking hearing this mother talk about how she doesn't recognize her son after his surgery, how it's a shock to her every time she looks at him.

I really should stop watching DH b/c I get sucked in and then I have to know all about whatever I've seen and how likely it is. Reading about it on that site led me to read about other conditions on said site. At this point I decided to stop.

Closer

Finally saw the movie "Closer" - started watching it last night and finished it tongiht. It was kind of weird but interesting. My fav line is from Jude Law's character "I don't stalk, I lurk...lurking from a distance". Priceless.

Quick note on Alias - this week's ep was crap in parts. Are they just going to kill everyone off in dumb ways? If so, they might as well have not done the last fews eps at all, it'd be better if they just left it hanging. The way Nadia died was just the dumbest thing ever. J.J has lost his mind.

OMTW

It's been 5 days and my throat hasn't been sore. This is great news in a way. It's kind of sad to be pleased that you may have acid reflux disease. I have noticed that when it's time for the zantac75 that my stomach feels weird and settles after I've taken it, well about 30min after I've taken it. This zantac75 is the shizit.

Outrageous Moron of The Week(OMTW)
guy from class, not only does he lie to the professor that he was going to be out of town so couldn't give his presentation last Wed. He made a big deal about this in class saying how he would be in D.C., no he wouldn't be ready to give his talk on the Mon before. Result = he doesn't have to give his presentation until this coming Wed. Fine, whatever right? NO b/c this moron shows up to class this past Wed, late mind you(even later than E and I) and just sits there. As if he hadn't told us all he would be out of town that day. Out of town my ass. The unmitigated gall of this man. He left early as well. So I know he didn't make any excuses to the prof. So dumb. I mean if you lied b/c you were trying to get out of doing your talk earlier, fine. but don't come to class after all that. It just showed a complete lack of respect imho. who does that? this is a grown man with kids. I shudder to think of their future.

So this same guy comes up to me on Thurs and tells me the topic he plans to talk about. So I told him it sounded like a good topic, one we haven't covered (the whole point of our presentations is to focus on topics not covered in detail-there's no way to cover every thing, you know). This is how the conversation went:

OMTW - I'm going to ask you 3 questions in class.
Me - 3 ques for the whole class or for me specifically?
OMTW - I'm just going to ask you, I hope you won't mind that I'm going to put you on the spot (WTF?)
Me - I can't guarantee what my answers will be, it'll depend on my mood. So... questions like what?
OMTW - ...if your supervisor has neglected you, how would you feel?
Me - what does that have to do with your topic?
OMTW - well, my topic is about a class of compounds that the prof neglected to teach us about
Me - I don't want to be involved in that. I won't answer your questions or at least not in a way you might like. If you want to deal with that, fine ask me your questions
OMTW - oh...if you don't want me to ask you the questions, maybe I'll ask someone else
Me - yeah, maybe you should
OMTW - ok then...maybe I'll ask L instead?
Me - you do that (while turning away from him and busying myself at my hood).

Is he effing kidding me? He wanted to use me to belittle the prof during his talk after his complete show of disrespect. I want no part of that. I don't want to be associated with him in any way. He'd better not ask me no shit in class. He won't like my responses, I can guarantee that. Makes me want to do a special subversive cross-stitch that I can whip out just for him (Thanks Ann).

wallowing

Sometimes I wonder why I can't find someone. If there's just something wrong with me. Most of the time I think that maybe it's just not time yet. Other times, I think that it's me. There's just something flawed, defective, that other people see but noone will tell me about. but it's there, like a huge sign on my forehead.I wonder about this b/c I see women who are my size, smaller and larger. They have guys. More beautiful than me, not as cute as me. They too have found people to love them. Maybe it's b/c I'm just not willing to settle. Maybe I'm too picky. Or too shallow. But that can't be it cause I know girls who are totally shallow and unkind and somehow, they too have found someone. Of course, there are guys I know who I wouldn't want to be with ever. Yet they have girlfriends.

What brought all this on? When we went out on Sat night to dinner, the sidekick was there. Apparently he had a date afterwards. This made me kind of mad. And it's silly I know. but it's just that, he took my number and never called. Somehow he was able to ask someone else out but not me. This guy is not even worth my time. I think my pride is what was hurt more than anything else. Still, what's wrong with me that guys don't ask me out. They don't. they ask lots of other people out but not me. I don't know how to change whatever it is that makes them not ask me out. I have asked a few guys out before. None of those ended in a way that will make me do that again. The thing is that if noone asks me out and then I don't ask anyone out - does this mean I will alone forever. can I live with that? I don't know.
I just think it sucks and at the moment just want to wallow.

Tonight was asshole night. No one told me, if they had I would have driven straight home. They were everywhere - pedestrians crossing diagonally in front of my car after my light turned green...idiots on bikes zig-zagging in front of my car when my light was green...morons driving in front of me at 10mph so that I just miss the light as they suddenly speed up and go through leaving me waiting at the light when there was more than enough time for us both to go through.

Got chinese tonight - Hunan Chicken, not very good tonight. I so should have gone with the Chicken in Garlic sauce that has become my new usual. Was just trying to mix things up tonight. I had to add tons of soy sauce to make it edible. Ughhh!