Road Trippin?

I had this whole moment of clarity yesterday and was going to post it tonight, however, other things are on my mind now so that'll have to wait.

I volunteered to do this thing today for this professional group I'm in. It was supposed to start at 630 at a local university. I had it all planned. I'd leave work early ~5p, get home, change clothes, take meds, leave by 545p, get there on time while it was still light out (in the very likely event that I got lost again, it wouldn't be too difficult to re-orient myself). I even got directions from yahoo and emailed home so I'd only have to print them out. Seemed like a great plan.

I left work at 5 and got home by 520p but it took forever to find the right thing - that fit right and looked professional enough. Very tough call. Then I had to look for the directions again b/c my stupid aol account wouldn't let me open the email for some strange reason. Finally at 610p, I was ready to go. Running late but I figured I could skip the meet-and-greet which happens the first 1/2 hr and still have plenty time to get there for 7 when the meeting was actually starting. I got in the car and realized that I'd left the directions to the campus building in my apt. So I went back in to get them. 620p, I'm finally on my way and my mind is whizzing away thinking about what I'd have to talk about tonight. That's when I realized I had gone way past the street to the higway. So I had to turn around and go back. 635p, on the highway and think to myself-its fine, its ok, still have time, still light out, I can make it by 7p (trying to keep calm).

Now, I've been to this university at least 6 times. Gotten lost on the way there 5 times. Had to frantically call my friend/her husband(when she wasn't home) for directions 2 times. I don't have any luck going there at all. I get lost a lot. I've lived here over 3 years and I still get lost.
But this university is like my own personal freakin' bermuda triangle. It happens so often - the whole getting lost thing - and almost every time they have a function there, I get lost. Somehow, I'm able to find other places but not there.

650p I got off the highway 1 exit sooner than I should have and when I did it I realized right away but I thought if I just followed the road, I'd eventually be able to get back on the highway and take the right exit. So I kept going and there was no sign of said highway. I should have stopped at a Stewarts or gas station but I feel so stupid doing that all the time. Like a complete moron. I thought this time, I'd figure it out. After 40 min of being lost, I pulled into a Stewarts and parked. I just had to get home. Just couldn't deal. I felt sick to my stomach. I called and said I couldn't make it after all. Vaguely mentioned car trouble. Yeah I lied but I felt like I would throw up if I had to continue driving looking for it. I also felt incompetent enough without having to explain it on someone's answer service. Then I asked for directions to the main highway so I could get home. The nausea eased somewhat the closer I got to home. Actually my stomach is upset again so maybe it wasn't due to the whole being lost thing but more likely to the lingering effects of the cold. Still lingering after 12 days. I think I have some kind of low grade pneumonia. Is that even possible? Will have to look it up.

I have the absolute worst instincts when it comes to directions. I always seem to drive around in a kind of fog...thinking that the next street will be the right one. As if I don't know that my instincts can't be trusted. But I'm usu a very positive person and I don't dwell on my failings often. So I always think that the next time will be different.

I feel bad for bailing. I also feel kind of dumb for not stopping sooner and asking for directions.

While finally on my way home, I turned on the CD player(which I'd turned off while I was panicking/driving around aimlessly). I have it set to random and guess which song starts playing? It's a Red Hot Chili Peppers song, "Road Trippin". And there's a part of it that goes - let's go get lost, let's go get lost.Yeah, really. I was not amused. Well, I was a wee bit amused but not laughing out loud amused.

I'm exhausted, still taking my emergency inhaler round-the-clock but now I only have to take it every 5-6hr as opposed to every 4h which is how often I needed it last week. Tremors have started (a side effect of my asthma meds). In lab it was a little bothersome today.

Need to sleep now.