Today was not great. I've been a little depressed lately. Not quite sure why but I think it's a combination of things in my life. I repress a lot. Plus I just don't want to go to work lately. I have to of course, the bills can't pay themselves and I have to eat.
I got to work late today and yesterday. I shouldn't have been late though. I was up more than early enough despite going to bed after 1am the last few days. Just can't sleep. This random insomnia happens sometimes but I don't like taking sleep medication. I know too much about the side effects and with my occasional hypochondria, I just I can't deal. So I read and stare at my walls until I drift off.
The real reason I was late is because of this: I got out of bed at 7am, had a cup of tea then cereal, and read. Yes, read as if I was on vacation, while the time ticked away. Then at 8, I started getting ready. What's wrong with me? I know that I needed to hustle and get ready b/c I'm really slow in the am. Yet, I just couldn't seem to do so. It was worse yesterday. I can't do this tomorrow. It's a good thing that I live close to work.
Today at work around 5pm I was thinking of calling in sick tomorrow(yeah ahead of time). I had reactions to set up overnight but I just couldn't focus enough to get the calculations done for them. So I left at 5:15 without setting up any. I feel a bit guilty about that b/c I have at least 4 reactions that take at least 15hrs before they're done so it's like I'm wasting a day. See how I've been brain-washed by my job. [supervisory voice: you are not being very productive if you don't set up multiple reactions overnight]
I'm exhausted and it feels like I'm getting a cold and it's that TOM as well. But I've never called in sick without actually being too sick to go in. I'm kinda superstitious and I worry that I'll get sick for real if I do. Maybe, I'll go to bed ridiculously early like at 8:30 and see how I feel tomorrow. I'm thinking maybe I should go in on time :0 (imagine that), get my reactions going then leave half-day. That might be better.
I'm also feeling a little unloved as well. It seems that whenever my friends want to do stuff even if I'm not terribly keen about it, I go. I want to spend time with them. But when it's something I want to do, they're never interested and they don't think (oh I give it a try). I obviously need to find more people to hang out with who'll actually want to do stuff I want to do sometimes.
Like I wanted to go paint some pottery, they have a studio here where you paint what you want on a piece and then they fire/glaze it for you. I've gone on my own before but it's more fun if I have company. One friend said she can't paint - but it doesn't matter if you can or not and then said it was the money - which would have been a legitimate excuse if same friend hadn't gone to do something else with other couples that cost the same. Another said she would like to make actual pottery but wasn't interested in just painting some made by someone else. So I have to respect their feelings. Everyone is entitled to not do something they don't want to do. Right?
It's just that even on short notice if they ask me to go somewhere or do something, I'm in. Maybe I'm just a loser. I don't really believe that though.
Then there are the couples who are cool and all but they can't do stuff separately ever. So if the boyfriend wouldn't be interested then it's not something they can do. I don't expect them to want to do stuff with me instead of their boyfriends all the time. That would be crazy. Just occasionally, it'd be nice.
Maybe I'm expecting too much. But that's what I get for being single - the dregs. I know I'm being a bit overdramatic but I'm sick and I do drama really well. So indulge me ok.
Currently reading hilarious book called "undead and unemployed" by mary janice davidson. I also read the first one in this series called"undead and unwed" Really funny. A good bit of swearing but so inventive and at just the right times. Can't wait for the next installment "undead and unappreciated". I love the public library. The books are about the adventures of this woman who dies then discovers she's a vampire and not just any vampire but queen of the vamps. Quick must-reads that I recommend.
Just had a huge bowl of ice cream with dark choc chips(60% cocoa added by moi) and I feel a little sick now. But it tasted fantastic. Haven't had dinner yet, can't count the ice cream :) Off to find something semi-nutritious to eat and finish my book. Nite.
5 comments:
1) Mental health days are just as important as truly sick days.
2) I'd go paint pottery with you if I were in the same town. Or same state, at this point! But I'm that kind of person... I try out new things with people. Not everyone is like that, though.... but it doesn't mean they don't like you.
3) Take care of yourself. Yucky feelings like this are the pits, but they are often temporary.
You dang well *can* count the ice cream as dinner!
Ann - Thanks, that's sweet of you to say you'd paint pottery with me. I did go to work after all and stayed all day but felt better than yesterday.
Jennifer - I guess it could coount as dinner but I was still hungry :)
I'll go paint pottery with you. And then afterward, we can eat big bowls of ice cream. And then read! A perfect day.
A perfect day indeed Karla.
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