My stomach is very upset probably due to the nasal drip I've got and the fact that mucus doesn't belong in the stomach. Sorry, no warning about that. Not even tums seems to help. So upset I don't feel like eating - a very rare feeling for me.
The last time my stomach felt like this was the first and only real hangover I've had. Last year, there was memory loss involved and much puking the night before and the morning after. I think my count was about 3 (strongest margaritas ever) and I was really buzzed after having half of the first one. Even took some stupid malboros survey to get a free lighter which sounded like a great idea at the time - I don't smoke but many stupid things sound like great ideas when you're drunk. Took some doing on my part to get off their mailing lists.
Anyhoo, I made a promise to myself never to have more than 2 drinks in one night again(actually my promise was more like no alcohol ever again in life but with time I've adjusted this to 2 :-) That's why I've sort of lost my taste for tequila. I used to go a little wild when I didn't have to drive. The first time I got drunk, I was 25. A bit old, but back home I didn't drink much at all other than at Christmas and New Year's when we'd all have small glasses of wine or champagne to celebrate. At first I was able to count the number of times I've been drunk on one hand, then I needed both. I think I was trying to make up for lost time. Binge drinking - which is apparently what they call having more than 5 drinks in one night - I did mucho binge drinking the last 2 yrs of college though I didn't think of it that way at the time. I'm over it now though, read the book, saw the movie, got the t-shirt.
Just finished maryjanice davidson's "undead and unappreciated". Good read but not as good as the first two. Started reading "hand-me-down" by lee nichols. Quite good so far (I'm half-way through). It started me thinking about the date I had with the quarterback. I was thinking that I'm sort of relieved that he hasn't called back. The rejection sucks, don't get me wrong but from our first meeting I was a little nervous around him and the same on our next meeting. I put this nervousness down to me liking him but maybe it wasn't that.
Frankly, I just don't think he gets me or that he would even with time. I just feel as if he would find me boring once he really got to know me. I don't think of myself as boring but to others who are active - on the go all-the-time - I can see how they would view my mostly sedentary lifestyle as boring. All the reading, watching tv, listening to music I do. And this guy is always doing something or so he said anyway - coaching kids football team, playing football, playing in a softball league, going to concerts, etc. etc. etc.
Then I started thinking about Lit (yeah everything always comes back to Lit)
He got me, I know that much and we have the same sense of humour. He would totally have laughed at some of the things I said on that date that the QB sort of smiled at (like he was only humouring me but wasn't genuinely amused).
Lit's brother works at the same company as I do and I have this stupid fantasy in my head that he'll come here to visit said brother or at least that'll be his cover story. Then he'd call me up and ask to see me to...maybe have dinner...see a movie...offer to be the father of my children... I would say yes yes yes to any and all of the above.
That's why I know I'm really a loser. Or at the very least a little pathethic. I know he's not interested, I know, he told me...repeatedly. Maybe I need to be hypnotized and have it drilled into my subconscious. Still, there's this part of me that believes that my above scenario is possible, highly unlikely, I'd probably be more likely to be a) abducted by aliens or b)win the lottery but stuff like that does happen to people. Or at least people claim that they do. I don't know any personally....
Posting has helped distract me from my general malaise. Feeling less like death-warmed-over (except for the nausea) than I've felt in a week.
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